Disintegration
by beautifully8broken
Summary: Emily and Naomi have been best friends for the past year, when one innocent night changes everything for them both... crap summary, just give it a try please :D reviews welcome. Hoping this helps my writers block...
1. Chapter 1

What the hell am I doing? How can something seemingly so perfect change within an instant. With a simple thought that crosses my mind.

A warm body lying innocently beside me as my hand slowly reaches up, gently caressing the tresses of red hair that lay motionless against the pillow. With an empty bottle of vodka being carefully cradled by my other limb, my fingers explore the soft texture of her hair. Soft memories from the previous night come running back, rushing through my mind like a series of films, all rolled into one.

I feel my heart panic, I feel the erratic beating of the organ pumping in my chest. My mouth goes dry as realisation finally hits me.

I have to get out of this room.

I slowly creep out of the warm bed, trying not to disturb sleeping beauty. I pull at my top slightly, suddenly feeling self conscious of my slight exposure. I instantly take the t-shirt that I slept in off and throw it aside, grabbing some fresh clothes off the floor. I walk out of the room, acting like a burglar trying not to wake his victim. The door creaks and I instantly wince, my eyes wander back to the bed, she stirs, but she still lays unconscious.

I finally close the door with one final click, running to the bathroom and getting changed quickly. With adrenaline coursing through my veins, I hope that she doesn't wake, I pray that she doesn't catch me leaving her.

Within a couple of minutes I'm putting my shoes on, quietly sneaking out of the house so as not to disrupt my mother, who would undoubtedly have a few questions as to why I'm up at this hour. I grab a pack of cigarettes that I'd left in the kitchen and walk out the back door, walking to my sanctuary.

With my iPod plugged into my ears, the early morning birds are drowned out by Jimmy Eat World filling my ears.

I make my way to the bottom of the garden, opening the gate that opens to a small passage way shrouded in trees. I feel my feet crunch on the gravelled floor.

It's only a short walk, no longer than five minutes, but I just need to get away, clear my thoughts for a little while, if that is even possible.

My feet carry me while my mind replays the events of the previous evening. I'm in turmoil, there is a part of me that knows I felt this way, but there is another part that wishes I wouldn't.

There is a slight mist in the air that only intensifies as I reach my destination. It's a well kept secret around here. Sitting behind my house there is a small forest, and in the middle there is a quiet stream in which a huge boulder sits. This is my place, this is my peace, this is my sanity. I climb carefully up onto the boulder, sitting down crossed legged and I watch the as stream slowly, but surely, calms all my nerves, my uneasy feelings, my rapidly beating heart.

I find it slightly ironic that I found this place in spite of her, because of a silly argument we had, and I'm back here, not a year later because of her again. Not as spiteful this time.

I grab a cigarette out of my packet, lighting it, feeling the toxins rush through my body, my lungs, my blood, my heart. I feel everything begin to numb, every anxious reaction in my body steadies.

You've got to love nicotine.

Ok, I've calmed myself down, now comes the hard part. Although, in order for me to understand what's happening now, I must go back to the start, I must try and figure out where these urges, these feelings, where this all came from.

**********

Chapter One

It was your typical British summer day, the rain was pouring and there was a slight chill in the air. I anxiously walked towards my new college, Roundview.

It's no secret that I don't tend to make friends easily. I come off a little cold at first meeting, my sarcasm overrules my brain as the simplest of question could turn into an argument with my attitude, I don't mean to be this way, it's just my way.

The entrance to the modernised college is bustling with students, most of whom already in groups, already laughing and joking with their peers while I have to do the walk of shame alone.

You know the walk, everybody does. It's the one that happens when you walk into a room full of strangers, they all turn and stare, judging you with their cautious eyes, judging every single move you make, your clothes, your hair, your make-up, what accessories you have.

It's a horrible feeling knowing that people you've never met probably hate you already simply by the way you dress.

I wouldn't, however, go out of my way to please complete strangers, so I hold my head up high and walk the walk with pride. No matter how much I'm shitting myself on the inside.

There is an older nervous woman trying to silence the crowds, her shrill voice barely being heard about the laughter, the shouting and the cat calling.

Everybody's hands are instinctively brought up to their ears as there is a painstaking noise coming from what I can only presume is a megaphone. "Right" A man says, with a heavily tainted welsh accent, "We need to get some order here" He shouts, the entire student body lays their eyes on this geeky looking man, disturbing their banter, "I'm Doug, now we're going to have some form of orientation later this morning, but right now I want all of you to gather in your form groups"

He lists off all the forms, telling them to stand in a group with their tutor, my form, BD1, is called last, a scruffy man with a beer belly stands in the middle of the hall, "BD1 gather around Keiren please" Doug shouts, and Kieren raises his hand, trying to gather our attention. I find myself stuck behind a group of screaming girls. I try to barge my way though, trying to get to my group when I accidently stand on a girls foot, causing my bag, and myself, to be thrown against the floor with a loud thud.

The entire student body looks my way and the room erupts into fits of laughter. I feel my face burn profusely as I try to gather my things.

I'm on all fours picking up my bag which happens to have no contents in, as yes, they have been scattered all over the floor. I hear people call me a loser from behind, but I take no notice, well try to.

"Here" A softly spoken voice causes me to look up, finding a redheaded girl smiling gently at me. She's holding my pencil case, "You dropped this" She says, no hint of laughter behind her eyes, just a tender act of kindness. She crouches down, helping me gather my belongings as I vaguely hear Doug telling everybody to be quiet, telling them that this is no longer a secondary school.

"Thanks" I smile as I realise I've gathered all my things safely, without any more embarrassment. I'm about to stand up when I see a hand hovering above me. I stare at it cautiously.

I've never experience somebody being this kind to me.

"It's ok" I smile bashfully, grabbing her extended arm, she gives a gently tug, pulling me to my feet. "I'm Emily" She says, still holding onto my hand, now shaking it slightly,

"Naomi" I smile.

For the first time I get a decent look into those kind eyes, and I feel my heart drop slightly. I shake it off a little, letting her hand go, "Form BD1?" She asks, and I simply nod, "This way" I follow her to a group of people who are giving me dirty looks, one in particular, "Naomi, this is Katie, my sister" Emily says as we approach a mirror image of herself, well, by mirror image, I mean sluttier image.

"uh... Hi"

"Whatever" The girl turns around and starts talking to one of the guys, I look towards Emily who is scowling at her sister,

"Don't mind her, she's had a bug up her arse since she was born" I laugh at this comment,

"I heard that, bitch" Katie turns around, throwing her sister a look,

"Good" is Emily's retort.

I feel a little uncomfortable as the atmosphere completely changes around the twins.

It doesn't get any worse though. Keiren informs us all to follow him, and we all do obligingly.

From the outside the college doesn't appear to be that big, but it's all a series of rights and lefts, stairs and lifts, there are about six entrances/exits... I can officially see myself getting lost.

"I think we're gonna get lost... a lot" Emily giggles besides me and I smile inwardly at her saying exactly what I was thinking,

"Yeah, I think so too" I smile.

I'm awkward, this much is obvious. I'm a virgin when it comes to these kind of situations. I've never had somebody help me while everyone laughed, and she still seems genuinely interested in me, asking my courses and how long I plan on staying here. I oblige, telling her English Literature, Creative writing, Music, History and Politics. To which she instantly laughs, "What?" I ask, feeling conscious of myself,

"I'm in all but one of your classes" She smiles,

"What's that?"

"Politics"

"What a coincidence" She smiles,

"I'd call it fate"

I smile nervously at her and I hope that we make it to our classes soon.

There are small observations passed between us as we continue the small journey to our tutor room.

"Ok, We're here, now everyone go take a seat and I don't care where you sit" Kieren announces. The students burst into the room, grabbing most of the available tables before Emily and I even step on foot inside.

"Ems, over here" Katie shouts, having saved her sister a seat, I panic a little... I don't want to be sat on my own,

"I'll sit over here" Emily says, pointing to the last empty table, "You coming?" She asks as she's already halfway there. I have a half smile on my face, still intrigued as to why she's making this much effort.

Needless to say, I take my seat beside her. Kieren starts all this spiel as nobody listens, he swears a few times, earning the odd chuckle from the rest of the class.

"I feel I need to tell you something" Emily tells me at dinner. We've spent the entire morning at school sitting together in our classes, chatting with ease as we make our way to those classes,

"What?" I ask, taking a sip of my pepsi,

"I just want to get it out of the way now... I've been burned before you know, when somebody finds out a little later into the friendship and they don't agree..."

"Ok, what is it?" I ask, impatiently,

"I'm gay"

"Ok" I say quickly, smiling at her, "Good for you" I nudge her on the arm, laughing,

"You're not bothered?"

"Why would I be? So long as you're not trying to get in my knickers and this is your technique" I laugh, and she joins in, "It's just a label, and I don't do agree with labels" I say, smiling,

"Obviously... from your clothes, I mean come on, who wears a top with a pig on it?"

"I'll have you know that pigs are cute..."

"I know" She laughs, "Doesn't mean I'd wear a picture of one" We both laugh, loving how easy this is. "No, but really... you're not gonna like ignore my calls, avoid me at college and just generally push me out of your life for telling me this" I laugh,

"No... for a start you haven't got my number so I would maybe yes ignore your creepy calls if you would ring, but other than that, no... I'm not bothered at all" I smile, and I can actually see a ton of relief lift off her shoulders.

"Good"

"What's the big deal anyway?"

"It's just at school, my best friend, Leanne, we'd do everything together, we'd be ringing each other constantly, or texting, either way we'd be practically talking all day... before you get the wrong idea, no it wasn't anything more than friendship" She says, rolling her eyes and I chuckle slightly,

"Did I say anything?"

"Anyway, I decided to come out to her... you know, the one person I thought would understand, I thought wouldn't give a shit what or who I was... and she bailed, she thought that I was in love with her... gah, that really pisses me off... when friends seem to get the idea that being friends with a lesbian inevitably means they'll fall in love with you" She laughs, "Anyway, it hurt, a lot... still kinda getting over it"

"Don't worry, there are many things people say about me, but they would never call me close-minded... everyone has to be like this, nobody can do that, shit this, shit that... I see it as, your still the same person I met this morning, you're still the same person sitting here today, whether or not you like the fanny or the like the cock"

"Interesting way of putting it" She smiles,

"I'm hardly boring"

"Definitely not" We both smile at each other.

******


	2. Chapter 2

This one is a little shorter. Thank you for the reviews, keep them coming =]

*************

Chapter two

"Put. The. Cushion. Down." I say sternly,

"Not until you put yours down" She says, sticking her tongue out at me. This cushion fight has been happening for the past three minutes I'd say. Our hair is currently standing on end due to the incessant head hits we've been giving each other.

I'm beginning to feel a little queasy when my warning comes.

"No, cause as soon as I put mine down you'll hit me with yours" I say, genuinely scared of her cushion,

"Ditto" I sigh, rolling my eyes,

"God, you're so stubborn" I say, feigning anger toward her,

"And you love it" She smiles at me.

"Ok, on three" I say, "Put the cushion back on the couch" She nods, walking towards me, putting her cushion on top of mine, her fingers still clenched around the corner, "One..." She eyes me, "Two" I start to move away, but she moves closer to me, "Three" I say loudly, but we both fall into fits of giggles when neither of us move, "I thought I told you to let go on three"

"You didn't let go!" I argue,

"I knew you wouldn't!" She retaliates,

"I knew _you_ wouldn't" both of us laugh,

"Ok, ok... BOTH of you put down the fucking cushions!" My mother walks in, her stern voice startling the both of us. Don't get me wrong, she's a huge softie, but she can turn on the bitch. Both of us drop the cushions in fear. "Thank god for that" She sighs, "I'm going out for a couple of hours, there's a tenner on the side if you want to order in for your tea" She leans in and kisses me on the cheek,

"Thanks" I say, Emily shouting a quick bye to her as she leaves,

"And girls, leave the cushions alone, please... for my sanity" We both laugh as we walk into the kitchen.

I can't believe it's been a month since we started college, it's been a month since we first met.

"It's our anniversary" Emily says smiling, I laugh, "What? It is"

"I know... I was just thinking the same thing"

"Kindred spirits, you and me" She says,

"Hmmm, we are aren't we?" I laugh, "What we ordering for tea?" I ask, browsing through the menus in the drawer, "Indian, Chinese, Pizza or KFC"

"KFC don't deliever"

"Good point" I laugh,

"Chinese? I fancy an omelette"

"Hun, omelette doesn't qualify as Chinese" I smile,

"What? I like it, it's good" She argues,

"Ok, ok... I'll have... sweet and sour Hong Kong style, yummy yum yum" I say, licking my lips.

Our order arrives twenty minutes later, I serve up and we go sit in the living room watching trash TV.

"So, can I ask you something?" I ask as Emily is greedily tucks into her chicken omelette, you know for a girl so tiny she sure can eat...

"Sure"

"How did you know you were gay... I've always wondered"

"Wondered how I know I'm gay, or people in general?"

"Both"

"Well for other people it's different, but for me, I guess I've always known"

"Born gay?" she laughs,

"Yeah, I suppose. I hated boys when I was a child, and I suppose I never warmed to them as I grew up... other than friends anyway... How do you know you're straight?" I look at her incredulously, "What? It's an eligible question... It's not like you're brain is automatically tuned into heterosexuality, there is a point in your life where you look at a sex and decide which one you want to bump ugly's with" I almost choke one my sweet and sour, she laughs,

"I don't know... I guess it's always been guys"

"You don't sound so sure"

"Well I've never done anything with a guy other than kiss..." I say bashfully, "So I can't be entirely sure now can I?"

"True, true" she takes a bite, and the atmosphere changes slightly, Emily obviously taking the hint, "To answer your oncoming question, yes, I have slept with a girl"

"This is getting creepy now" I smile, "And who?" I ask, genuinely intrigued,

"It's quite a weird story to be honest... our family go on a camping holiday every year, and we have done since I can remember. Going to the lake district, staying at a camp site... There's this girl and her family who were always there when we went, Katie and I hated her... we didn't get a long at all" I frown, "One night... and don't laugh... We were all sat round the campfire singing songs, Katie said something... I can't remember what it was, but it really pissed me off, so I sneaked off"

"Singing songs round the campfire..." I laugh loudly, earning a rather evil stare from Emily, "Sorry, I had to"

"Anyway, I didn't go too far, but it was barely light as I walked away from the camp. I walked until I could only see the glare of the fire, so nobody could see me, but I still didn't get lost... Anyway, this girl followed me"

"Oh aye" I raise my eyebrows suggestively,

"It wasn't like that at first... she started saying nasty things to me, and things got a little heated... I ended up slapping her... and her retaliation was to kiss me... and then one thing led to another..." She's smiling coyly,

"Oh my god, you little slut" I say, laughing, throwing a pillow at her, narrowly missing her omelette.

"I am not" She says, half jokingly, half not...

"When was this?" I ask,

"Last year"

"Have you seen her since?"

"No... her family left early the next morning, I haven't seen her since"

"That's sad"

"Not really... I did hate her... but she was good in the sack" She raises her eyebrow, I laugh at her. "So how come you've never done it?"

"Not found the right person... I've had offers... but doing it behind the bike sheds at school, or in a field is hardly how I want to lose it... sorry" I say, remembering where she lost hers,

"It's ok, each to their own" she smiles, "So you're the romantic type then?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you imagine your first time to be with the person you love... rose petals scattered all over the bed, candles lit, the whole experience?"

"Not like that... but I'd rather lose it to somebody I care for than somebody who doesn't matter"

"I know what you mean"

"I want it to feel right..."

"When it happens, trust me, it will... But..." She hesitates, "Don't have the bar too high, you know... don't expect prince charming"

"I know..." We both finish our takeaway, happily patting our bloated bellies, "So who knows about you being gay? So I know not to put my foot in it" I laugh lightly,

"Everyone but my parents... Katie was the first person I told... She took a while to come round though... she's ok with it now, 'so long as I don't flaunt it' is her exact quote" We both laugh,

"She is a tool"

"Yup"

The doorbell rings, both of us look to other, only to be faced with shrugs, I go to the door, Emily following behind me, the doorbell rings again, I open it, "Come on you losers, party time" Katie says, standing with a group of people.

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	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for the comments! Hope I don't disappoint.

**********

Chapter three

I took a little more convincing than Emily did in order to get us to this party. I don't generally go to these kind of parties... drugs handed out like candy, drink readily available, teenagers practically having sex all over the place.

This was more of your underground party... being that it is, well, underground. We had to climb down a drain in order to get to it, but it doesn't disappoint. The smoky atmosphere, teenagers all dancing heavily to the trance music that is playing, I would say that 90% of the people here are high, the other 10% are simply drunk. "Great huh?" Emily shouts in my ear, trying to get her voice above the music, which is a difficult task,

"Yeah" I shout, nodding my head for emphasis,

"Want a drink?" She asks, and I nod. She leans into her bag and pulls out a full bottle of vodka, handing it over, I frown at it... no mixers? "It's ok, you'll get used to the taste" She shouts, and I nod, opening the bottle and taking a swig, feeling the vodka burn down my throat, leaving a trail of fire which ends at the pit of my stomach, she laughs watching my face. Grabbing the bottle off me and taking a long swig with ease, and with no distorted face after, I watch in awe.

"Come on!" Effy, I think is her name, pulls me to the dance floor, loosing herself in the music. I feel a little self-conscious, but then I look to my right, seeing Katie dancing like a twat on ecstasy, I suddenly realise that this is no place where I'm gonna be judged. I let myself go, dancing enjoyably to the music, feeling a small sheen of sweat start on my body, but I don't care.

Emily comes to join us, passing me the bottle of vodka, which is already a quarter gone. I raise my eyebrows and she just laughs, shrugging her shoulders. I try to drink as much as I can, trying to get into the spirit, but I feel myself hating the taste of the vodka, Effy noticing this. She takes the bottle out of my hands, taking a sip. "Here" She shouts in my ear, reaching into her pocket and passing me a small white pill. I frown, suddenly feeling very nervous,

"I've never..." She raises her eyebrows,

"Oh, you're missing out, if you don't want to that's ok" She smiles, but I feel the temptation is too much. I grab the pill out of her hand and slip it into my mouth, she passes me the vodka back, and I swallow the pill with a mouthful of the spirit. Emily smiles at me,

"Looks like I'm taking you home, huh?" She laughs. Effy takes a pill, as does Emily.

I'm beginning to feel my heart rate slow down a little. My eyes feel heavy for a short while as the room suddenly turns into slow motion. The music suddenly becomes much a deeper tone and the smiles on Effy and Emily's faces fade.

"Oh, it's kicking in" I hear Effy say, her quick dancing mellowing for a short while. Emily's hands lift into the air, her arms start to sway as her body follows, she has a drunk smile written on her face and I watch as the drugs eventually kick in with her. I'm feeling the effects also... very much so.

My quiet heart is suddenly racing as I get an immense feeling of energy. I start to dance hyperactively. My arms flying up into the air, absolutely feeling the music, feeling the atmosphere, feeling the drugs, the vodka.

We've been dancing for a good half an hour now, the drugs are still remnant in my dancing, but I've calmed down a little. Effy is dancing with Freddie, Panda has joined us, now she doesn't need drugs but Christ, she is hyper already. Emily is still dancing with me, and I have no idea where Katie has disappeared to.

Suddenly I feel a pair of hands wrap around my waist. I turn around, seeing the cocky guy who brought us all to the party, Cook. "Alright darling" He says, smiling. His body dancing to the music, pulling mine along with him, "I'm Cook" He shouts in my ear,

"Naomi" I smile. We're both dancing with each other, getting closer. I feel his hand pull me even closer, his hand residing on my lower back as his lips dip to my neck, kissing up and down impatiently. It must be the drugs, because I'm enjoying it... normally guys like him repulse me.

I glance to my right and I see Emily getting up close and personal with a slim brunette. I smile, watching as she makes her move.

She definitely isn't how I perceived her. She does have this innocence about her though, but that is definitely gone when she proceeds to kiss this girl deeply. I turn back round to Cook, he has his tongue between his teeth, like a dog waiting for a treat. His hot breath breaks against my moist lips, and against my better judgement I feel myself moving in.

"Get lost Cook" I hear Emily's voice, and I open my eyes, finding Cook stood a foot away from me, his hands in the air defensively, "She's wasted... go find some skank" Emily says harshly,

"Can't blame Cookie for trying" He smiles, scampering off. I frown at Emily,

"He's not the guy you want to lose it to" She smiles,

"He might have been"

"No... he's not... you're a little wasted" She says, bringing her hand up, placing her forefinger and her thumb together with a small gap, "Just a little" She laughs,

"And you're not?" I say, smiling,

"Oh, I so am" The girl that she was previously kissing wraps her arms around Emily's waist, holding her tightly, Emily smiles, resting her arms on this girl's. She turns around, saying something to the girl, the girl nods understandingly, grabbing Emily's phone and presumably putting her number in. Emily turns back around and grabs my hand, "Come on, lets get some air" She says, pulling me out to an exit.

I pull a cig out of my pocket and light up, sitting on the curb. "I'm so wasted" I say, to nobody in particular, Emily sits down beside me.

"Do you want to go?" She asks,

"No, no... It's a great night" I smile,

"Ok, just let me know when you want to, and I'll walk you"

"I'll be fine"

"I'm walking you, no arguments" She says sternly,

"Ok, fine" I laugh lightly. My head feels heavy and I feel it flop down on to Emily's shoulder, "I'm so glad I met you" I say, the alcohol obviously taking over every single coherent thought available in my brain, Emily laughs,

"Me too"

"No, I mean it... I don't have many friends... I've never been to any parties like this... I'm just having such a good time and it's all because of you" She nudges me with her shoulder,

"Don't be silly"

"I'm not... it's the truth"

"I know... just don't ok?"

"Ok" I feel my eyes begin to fall, they have so much weight behind them that I'm struggling to keep them open,

"Come on, lets get you home"

"But the party!" I argue,

"The party is nearly finished, come on" She pulls me up.

"Ems" Somebody shouts from behind us,

"Oh, hey JJ, I didn't even know you were here" who's JJ? I frown, putting all my weight on her,

"Do you need a hand?" He asks,

"Do you mind... just we've got a while to walk" She says calmly,

"Not at all" Is the kind reply, and I feel a strange arm grab my limp arm, easily pulling it over their shoulder.

******

"Eugh"

One word... and it sums up exactly how I feel this morning. I try to open my eyes, but the room is too bright. I feel the bed shift and the room should turns dark, I try to open my eyes again and I see a rough looking Emily staring at me, "A little sore this morning?" She asks with a hint of laughter,

"Go away" I say, pulling the quilt over my head. The bed dips beside me and the quilt is slowly pulled away from my head, "Here" She says softly, passing me a glass of water and some paracetamol, "You might need this" I sit up slowly, grabbing the water with my shaky arm, "Come downs aren't the best... even alcohol"

"How did I get here?" I ask, barely remembering anything from the night before, she laughs,

"JJ and I had to carry you home"

"Oh god" I say, bashfully covering my face with my hands. She pulls at my wrists,

"Hey, its ok... your first time on ecstasy... gonna be rough"

"Who's JJ?"

"My good friend, he turned up late to the party, caught us as you were just about to pass out"

"Oh god"

"To be fair you had drank half a litre of vodka and had a pill... not bad for a novice"

"What about you?"

"Well... I'm a little more experienced" She laughs, "I had a litre, a few shots and some pills"

"Some?" I ask, shocked,

"Yeah"

"We weren't there long though were we... I thought only about an hour?"

"No... We were there an hour before you took your pill at about half 8... then there until about 1am, then you had to go"

"Oh, god... it didn't feel like it was long"

"The pills hun"

"You don't look too bad" I say, nearly downing my water in one,

"I don't get hangovers" She says simply, "I'm just tired... took us over an hour and a half to get you home you know" She laughs,

"I am so sorry"

"Don't worry about it, you had a good time"

"I don't remember" I say, holding my head, as if my hand connecting with my head is going to inspire some form of memory regain.

"So you don't remember Cook?"

"Cook? What about cook?" I ask quickly, "Oh fuck, what did I do?"

"Nothing... I pushing him away... but you were gonna do something" She laughs,

"Thank you, thank you, thank you" I say,

"It's no problem" I watch as she grabs her bag, pulling out a small decorated box. I frown, but continue watching her. She opens the box, but I'm laid at the wrong angle, I can't see what's inside.

She smiles, pulling out what appears to be a joint. "Oh, no... I can't do any more"

"No, trust me... on a come down, there is no better cure than weed" She says, lighting the joint, "Wipes away all the grogginess, the pain, the headache, everything" She hands the drug over to me, I'm wary, but to be honest, I couldn't feel any worse could I?

I take a long drag, the warm fumes rushing over me. I exhale, blowing out some of the toxins, and my head feels a lot lighter, my stomach no longer feels like it's going to explode, my eyesight hasn't gotten any better, but I still feel a hell of a lot better.

"Wow" I smile, "I've had plenty of weed before... but fuck... my new hangover cure!" I say, smiling. "What's wrong?" I ask, feeling Emily clam up about something,

"I just... I'm worried" I sit up slightly, showing her that she's got all my attention, "Last night... I know you don't normally do drugs, and I just... uh, fuck... I don't want you to do something you'd regret just to fit in with me and my old friends... I don't want you to feel like you have to" I smile at her thoughtfulness, either that or the weed, I place my hand on her arm,

"I didn't do it to fit in with your friends Emily... I did it to have a good time, I'm all about experiments, me" I smile,

"Good... I just want you to know that you don't have to act like somebody you're not... especially around my friends..."

"I know... and I wouldn't anyway, if they don't like me as I am, fuck them" She laughs lightly. "Anyway, are you coming back to bed because I am shattered... it's only" I glance at my alarm clock, "Fuck, 9am! And we're up" I laugh, crawling back into bed. I pat besides me and she smiles,

"Ok, fine, but I gotta be up before dinner"

"Ok"

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	4. Chapter 4

Thank you for the comments =D... I really have no idea where I am going with this, so I can't answer any questions really... I just sit here and let my fingers do the talking, and these chapters are what comes out. It's loosely (very) based on my life... some aspects of it. At the moment I'm trying to get the strength of their friendship across... I suppose in my eyes, friendships are the most complex relationships... and when one of them falls for the other, well it just adds to the complexity.

A few more chapters until we get to that though I imagine... keep reading though please =D inspires me to write more.

*************

Chapter four

"He's coming over" Emily says quietly, raising her eyebrows to Darren, the boy apparently approaching me right now. I feel my stomach tighten a little and I suddenly become nervous. "Calm" Emily says quickly, I turn and smile at him.

I noticed him almost immediately in my Politics class. Tall, ahletic, blond hair, blue eyes, chiselled jaw line. I mean, come on, who wouldn't notice him?

"Hey Emily..." She smiles politely toward him, "Naomi" His smile grows as he looks at me.

"Hi Darren" I say, instantly blushing, and then feeling like a complete tit for letting my emotions paint my body, making my nervousness apparent to anybody willing to look. I hear Emily chuckle slightly.

Darren stands tall, his hand rubs the back of his neck, his head leans to the side slightly, showing his perfect teeth. "I was just wondering if maybe... I could... I mean, only if you want to... take you out sometime" His babbling makes me feel a hell of a lot better immediately,

"Sure" His posture changes, relaxes almost.

"Great, great" he smiles, "Can I get your number?" I grab my phone out of my pocket. I must be one of the only people in the entire world who cannot remember their own number. Although why would you, it's not as if you ring yourself constantly, and I'm hardly going to sit there and try to memorize it, that's just a little pathetic. I pass him my phone, and he takes my number down in his phone, also adding his into mine. "I'll give you a call" He smiles, "Catch you later" he waves nervously to the both of us as he walks back to his group of friends. I turn back around to Emily and try my very hardest to suppress the squeal that I fear is about to come out.

"I must say... that boy has a nice arse" Emily says, and I slap her for being so crude, she laughs, holding her hands up, "What?"

"You're gay" I state,

"Doesn't mean I can't appreciate a nice piece of arse when I see one" She says, winking at me after that, I want to hit her again, but I decide against it. "So you like him?" She asks, leaning forward onto the table, resting on her elbows and holding her head up with her hands, providing me all her attention,

"I guess so, I mean, what's not to like, he's smart, funny, cute and fucking gorgeous" I say, and she giggles,

"Good... Just so long as he's not an arse, I don't take too kindly to my Naomi being fucked around"

"I know, I know, you are now Saint Emily for saving me from Cook last month. Need I have to say thank you anymore. If I do I'll wear out the fucking word"

"No, it's ok. I understand that I am extremely high on the moral cards when it comes to me and you"

"I would have killed you if you let me do anything with him" I point at her,

"I didn't did I? So drop it" She says, smiling.

"Ok, ok" My phone vibrates in my pocket and I answer it eagerly, _How about tonight x_ "Oh my god" I say, smiling,

"He hasn't text you has he?" Emily asks, not needing an answer by the look on my face, "Desperate much" I kick her under the table,

"Not everybody has to live by your rules"

"What rules?"

"If you get somebody's number you don't text them for at least 24 hours, or you appear desperate"

"Yes, and quite rightly so, he appears desperate" She says, emphasis hanging on the last word.

"Shhh" _Sounds good. What do you have in mind? X _

"What did you text back?"

"Nothing to do with you" I say, scrunching my nose up at her childishly, "We're not doing anything tonight are we?" I ask, suddenly feeling a hint of guilt,

"Well, we were supposed to be having a movie night" She must see me say 'shit' to myself, knowing I've double-booked, "But I suppose we can do that tomorrow night" She says, rolling her eyes, "Just don't make a habit of it"

"Wouldn't dream of it"

****************

"So, how did it go?" Emily asks me as I ring her after just getting in,

"Oh, my god, Ems... it was the best" I squeal, "He was such a gentleman, opening doors for me, insisting he paid for everything, although I was stubborn and didn't let him. We went to the cinema, saw Adventureland... great film by the way... anyway, I know that cinema's aren't really a great place to go on a first date cause you don't talk, but we went for a walk after, getting a late night ice-cream from tesco, oh god, it was magical"

"Jesus take a breath" She says, not in a mean way,

"Sorry, just excited" My phone beeps, "Hang on" I check it, and I get a text from him, "He's text me" _I had a great night, want to do it again tomorrow? Xx _"He wants to go out tomorrow" I almost squeal again,

"Movie night, remember?"

"Shit"

"It's ok... go out with him if you want" her tone implies that she's immensely pissed off,

"No, no... it's ok... We'll do movie night"

"I don't mind, really"

"Yes you do" I say softly,

"Ok, maybe a little, but honestly, we've got plenty of time that we spend together, I can tell you really like him, so maybe you should spend tomorrow with him"

"No. Stop being stubborn, I'm spending it with you, ok?"

"Ok, fine" I can tell she's smiling. "I better go, Katie's getting ready to decapitate me with her pillow, I'll see you at college"

"Ok, night" We both hang up, and after I text Darren back, I go to bed on a high.

***

_Two nights later..._

"Naomi... Naomi, Emily's here" My mum shouts, but I'm a little too busy to notice her.

"Oh, my" Emily walks in, her voice echoing through the room, that's when I finally drag my lips away from his perfect set.

"Sorry, I thought you were gonna be here after 7" I say, wiping my now swollen lips.

"It's half past 7" Emily says, not impressed at all. I glance at my watch,

"Shit, sorry. Lost track of the time" Darren's phone rings, breaking the awkward silence which had just filled the room.

"Alright mate... Shit, what, now? Fuck... I'll be right there..." He puts his phone down, hurriedly standing up, "I'm sorry babes, but I gotta go, Mikey is in a spot of bother... I'll ring you" He bends down, kissing me quickly,

"Ok, give us a ring later" I say, watching as he walks out, saying a quick bye to Emily. "Aren't you going to sit down" It's been a good two minutes since he left, and Emily's been stood there, arms crossed and attitude written all over her face. "What's wrong?" I ask, and I see the anger rush across her face,

"What's wrong? You're shitting me right?" I blink heavily, "It's been two days... two fucking days and I'm already getting ditched for pretty boy"

"You're not getting ditched" I say quickly,

"Naomi, we had plans tonight, the two of us... and I get here and find you and him sucking face... not to mention the movie night we had planned last night which I got a text saying you couldn't do it... Darren had popped round"

"He came by unexpectedly"

"And you expect me to sit here all night as you two sit and make out?"

"It wouldn't be like that" I try to keep my cool, "You're being really unreasonable"

"Maybe a little yeah, but better I do it now and make you see. Did you even get any of my texts at all today...?"

"Yeah"

"Too busy to reply?" Hurt laces her voice as it delves an octave higher,

"Emily..."

"No... Don't Emily me... I'm actually starting to understand why you don't have many friends, if this is the way you treat them"

"What the fuck Emily? You sound like a jealous girlfriend... I'm not treating you any different to when I did a week ago" I stand up now, losing my temper,

"I beg to differ"

"What? I'm doing exactly what you told me to do, put myself out there, try and find somebody and I have and look at how you're fucking responding"

"What? What's wrong with what I'm saying... It's been two fucking days Naomi... two!" She shouts, "I could understand if I started getting ditched after the first month, maybe two months, but two fucking days"

"What the fuck is wrong with two days... I really like him Emily, I thought you'd be happy"

"I am happy for you Naomi, I am... I just didn't think that your happiness would cost our friendship"

"We're still friends" I say quietly,

"I don't know anymore... if you're willing to put a guy you've barely known before your best friend... I just don't know where your loyalties lie"

"For fuck sake Emily... It's been two days and maybe because I haven't called you, maybe because I haven't text you back, and maybe because I've been so fucking happy... don't I deserve a little breathing space? You sound like you're in love with me" The anger vanishes, the atmosphere completely changes and all that can be heard is Emily's laughter filling the air... bitter laughter

"Don't be so fucking stupid, just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'll fall for anything Naomi... don't flatter yourself"

"You know what... fuck you" I say, storming through the house, storming out the back door, making sure to slam the door to add emphasis.

I don't know where the hell I'm walking, but I need to get out of that house. I need to get away from her.

Who the fuck does she think she is? Talking to me like that.

I know that I've been a little distant the last two days, but Christ its only two days. This pathetic argument is over 48 hours... "Fuck!" I say, I didn't bring any fags... and I could really use one right now.

I carry on walking down this narrow passageway, curious as to where it goes, my mind asking a thousand questions, my heart racing with adrenaline, my fist clenching, and then releasing. I'm seething

I see an opening ahead of me. I begin to hear the splashing of what I can only presume is a river or a stream. I get closer, the whole area opening up, the sun shining down. Suddenly I have an overwhelming feeling of peace, tranquillity, I feel the anger inside me dissipate, I feel my fingers no longer tense, my heart rate slows as I watch the simplicity of nature, nature at its best and most beautiful...

All this time I've lived behind this house, and never once found this place. A large white boulder sits beside the stream, I claim that rock, my thinking place. If I had a black marker pen, 'Naomi' would most certainly be written on it.

I don't know how long I'm sat there, how long I'm sat on the boulder, my head resting on my knees, all thoughts running through my mind.

I figure things out though, I realise exactly why Emily is being the way she is, and I instantly feel guilty at what I said to her... I remember her telling me about her friend in school... the friend she came out to, the friend who ignored her, was a bitch to her and thought that simply because Emily is gay... she was in love with her...

It's now I realise I am no better than her. I realise I only said what I did out of anger, but it would have hurt her nonetheless. I spring to my feet, making my way back to my house, hoping Emily is still there.

If there is a God, she is certainly looking down on me right now...As I approach the fence to my backyard, I see Emily sat on the bench in the garden, "Hey" I say softly, opening the gate, "I'm so sorry"

"No, I'm sorry" I sit down beside her,

"I didn't mean what I said, and I'm sorry if I made you feel that way... but you have to understand something... I'm not her" She frowns at me, "Your friend in school"

"Hannah" Emily says quietly,

"I'm not Hannah..."

"I know... she just really fucked me up... she broke my heart... worse than any girlfriend could"

"I know she did..." I wrap my arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer to me, "There's no worse pain than when your best friend betrays you..." I sigh, "I'm sorry that I've been pulling towards Darren... he just makes me feel happy, you know. I know I sound juvenile, and it's only been two days, but he just makes me feel better about myself, makes me feel wanted, and I'm sorry I neglected you, I really didn't know I was doing it... don't worry, it won't happen again" she laughs lightly,

"What are we like, eh?" She says, wiping away the small tears she let out,

"Best friends" She lifts her head up, seeing me smiling wide, she joins me, "We're twats together" We both fall into fits of giggles.

"Let's not fight again, ok?"

"Fight fight, or bicker?"

"Fight fight" She says, smiling, "I love our little banters"

"Ok, deal"

*******************


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks again for your comments... I would just like to say that I'm not sure about the little twist (if I'd call it that) I've added in this chapter is going to work... you'll probably hate it, but hey, worth a try...

It may be another couple of chapters before we get _any_ Naomily action... but I have sorta, kinda hinted a little in this chapter =] Keep commenting please, loving the huge grins you guys are making me get!

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Chapter Five

"When do you think is the right time...?" I ask Emily absentmindedly as we're sprawled out on my bed doing coursework.

"Right time for what?"

"Having sex for the first time" She was nonchalantly laid on her stomach, absent-mindedly playing with her hair as she flipped through a course book, now she's sat up straight,

"You want to sleep with Darren?" She asks, raising her eyebrows... "You mean you haven't already?" I bite my lip and shake my head, "I thought you had" She says, picking her pen up and twiddling with it between her fingers, "I can't answer that for you Naomi..."

"Why not?"

"It all depends on you... it will happen when it feels right... really, no sex and you've been together six weeks?" She says, shock completely evident in her words, "Wow"

"What is so wrong with that?" I ask, gaining a small amount of attitude,

"Nothing, nothing... I just applaud Darren is all" She regains her previous position on the bed and I stare at her incredulously,

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Not what you think" She says, continuing the flick through her books. I grow impatient and grab the book off her, "Hey, I've got an exam tomorrow"

"Answer me... properly"

"Can I have my book back?" She holds her hand out expectantly, but I tighten my grip on the book, pulling it closer to my chest. "Ok, I just have a new found respect for him, having a beautiful girlfriend such as yourself and not closing the deal after a month and a half, the boys got some patience" I feel a smile split my face in half, and my grip loosens on the book, enabling Emily to snatch it out of my arms, "Sucker" She laughs,

"Bitch... you just made all that up?"

"No, I didn't actually... I just thought of that..." She smiles, "And you know you're gorgeous" She winks at me. I lightly hit her shoulder,

"So what did you mean before?"

"Before what?" Grrr, she pisses me off sometimes, she's got the attention span of a two year old.

"Before you came up with that crock of shit"

"Oh... that if it was me in his shoes, you'd have cracked within a week" My mouth has literally just fallen off, proceeding to fall off the bed and landing with a heavy thud on the wooden floor, "Maybe a couple of days" She's not looking at me as she says this which makes the shock all the more... shocking... Normally she'd make some form of remark like that, giving me a wink or a cheeky smile after, but she's just saying this as if it's a matter of fact.

"You really think highly of yourself don't you?"

"No, I don't... I just ooze sex" She smirks at her own remark "I highly doubt anybody could last less than a week with these hands"

"Gah, you are so annoying sometimes"

"Why's that?" She asks, finally looking at me,

"You are so cocky, and confident, so much to the point that you're arrogant" Now it's her turn to drop her jaw,

"I am not"

"Oh, I just ooze sex, it's impossible for somebody to keep their knickers on around me for longer than a week, maybe a day or two" I imitate her voice,

"Was that supposed to be me?" She laughs, "Stick to the books honey"

"Fuck off... anyway, you know how arrogant you sound"

"I'm not arrogant, I'm confident..."

"There is a thin line between arrogance and confidence"

"Good job I'm on the confident side"

"So you're saying that I could pick any girl at college... any girl of my choosing, and you could sleep with her within a week"

"Within reason"

"What?"

"She speaks English"

"Oh, you are _that_ confident are you?" She nods smugly, "Ok, deal"

"No, wait, I didn't say that I would do it, I just said that I could"

"No, no... you've walked up the arrogance stairs, and the only way you to get back down is to eat a little humble pie"

"Seriously?" She raises her eyebrow at my sentence, "That might have sounded good in your head but..."

"Fuck. Off"

"You're sure about this?" I nod, "Knowing that an innocent girl might get hurt?" I nod, "What are the terms?"

"If I win... you..." I try to think hard, "Have to abstain from sex for... three months" Her mouths falls open, "Three months", I hold up three fingers just to make sure that she understands, smiling smugly in her astonished face,

"And if I win?"

"Uh..."

"You'll cycle to college... naked"

"No... no" I say adamantly,

"Look, you don't think it's going to work, you can choose any girl of your liking... so the cards are in your hands..." Hmm, she's got a point.

"Ok, deal" We both shake hands.

"Nobody will ever find out about this though, not even the girl picked? It's damaging" she says, losing some of her arrogance now,

"They will never find out from me... I promise" I rub my hands together, already having the perfect girl in mind.

*********

"Annabelle?" Emily says, "Really?" We're sitting on the steps of college, watching as the students rush in.

"What's wrong with Annabelle? She's quite pretty, maybe a little shy... doesn't really talk much" I smile as the list continues, "Never looks at anybody"

"Exactly... it's probably going to take me a week to get her to talk to me!" She says, "Fuck, three months... Naomi... please" She begs, and I laugh,

"Nope, I've made my decision"

"Fuck... can't we just forget about this stupid bet?"

"Nope" She groans,

"So, I have a week from now to succeed?" I nod... "Bollocks"

"Better hurry up or you'll miss your chance" I say as I notice Annabelle walking our way... Emily coughs lightly, standing up and walking towards her. I watch, smirking as Emily approaches the ever nervous Annabelle. She almost walks right into Emily.

I can't quite hear what's being said, but I notice Annabelle blush slightly, rarely looking up at Emily. There is a little banter between the two. And I notice Emily take out a pen and paper... No... you've got to be shitting me?

I see Annabelle nervously take the pen from Emily's hand, scribbling something on it and walking away quickly. Emily turns around with a smug smile on her face. She walks over to me oozing confidence and I realise that I'm screwed, my perfect choice, well, isn't so perfect after all.

"You didn't?" I ask as she sits down, showing me the piece of paper Annabelle wrote on. Sure enough, there is her number written amongst the crumpled paper, "How the fuck did you get that?"

"Getting worried are you?" She asks, winking, "It was rather easy actually... I asked how she was, then happened to mention that we're in the same Math class, and I also happened to mention that I'm struggling a little and in need of a tutor, if she was willing to teach me... she was very accommodating" She smiles, "She's cute... Should have backed out when you had the chance" She stands up, "Come on, lets get to class"

*****

"Hey babe" Darren wraps his arms around my waist as I'm grabbing some books out of my locker, stuffing them in my bag.

"Hey" I turn around giving him a quick kiss, "Alright?"

"Yeah... you coming round mine later... my parents are having this meal and they wanted me to invite you"

"Your folks?"

"Yeah, sure... they want to know who's inspired my new attitude" He smiles, "About 7, ok?"

"Ok" He kisses me quickly before running off to his next lesson. "Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck."

"You do know that it's often considered insane when a person speaks to themselves" Effy smiles beside me,

"Sorry..."

"What's wrong?"

"Darren, my boyfriend, he just invited me to meet his parents tonight"

"Boyfriend" She raises her eyebrows, "Sorry, I assumed you and Emily-"

"No, we're just friends"

"Really?" I really do not like the way she is looking at me right now. I don't like the half smile she adopts, "My bad" She shrugs,

"Yeah, you shouldn't really assume things... makes an 'ass' outta 'u' and 'me'"

"Ace" Could I sound any more of a dickhead right now? Possibly not, "Anyway, what's the big deal about going to his folks for dinner?"

"We've only been seeing each other six weeks"

"Being young and all, that's about two years" I frown... she sighs "It's a common fact that teenagers are less likely to have long lasting relationships compared to people in their 20s or 30s, therefore your six weeks to you, probably amounts to what 2 years would to someone in their 20s"

"I think that is the most I've ever heard you talk" I say, nodding, she nods her head,

"Not really a talker" She smiles, "I better go, catch ya later" And with that, the mystical Effy disappears down the hallway.

I slam my locker door, why is it I always get the broken ones, "Hey!" I hear someone shout before jabbing me in the ribs,

"Fuck sake" I chastise, grabbing my side, "What the hell?" Emily holds her hands up in defence,

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you, just thought you might like to see something" Literally a split second later and her phone is shoved in my face, I grab her hand and move the thing away from me so I can see it, _Yeah, tonight at 7 is good xxx _"Do you see that?"

"What, a text from Annabelle?" I frown,

"Yes, what's at the end of it?"

"Kisses"

"Exactly, not one, not even two, but three" she jumps on the spot, "Three fucking kisses, this so in the bag, get your birthday suit ready love"

"It's only been a day and you're positive she's gonna give it up for ya, I'll get my birthday suit ready when you finish" I cough, "Sorry, if you finish"

"You still don't think I'm going to do you?"

"Nope, not at all"

"But the kisses?"

"They mean squat, she was probably returning the ones you sent her... either that or just being polite"

"No, not polite, 'I should really put a kiss at the end of this so as not to appear cold' qualifies one kiss, 'Oh, they put two, so I'll put two to be polite' Constitutes two, and three 'I'm already wet and waiting for you, you saucy minx'"

"You are vulgar" I cringe, "Do you have to be so explicit?"

"Oh, sorry... by using the term 'wet' I'm implying that she is sexually aroused towards me"

"I know what wet is, condescending cow"

"Anyway, how can that be perceived as being explicit? You need to get your leg over love... you're too innocent" She smiles at me, "Then again, maybe not, I like you that way" Now she's winking.

"Stop it, ok?" I snap at her, taking her by surprise,

"Stop what? Look if you're scared about sleeping with him, then don't"

"It's not that... Effy thought we were together"

"So..." She says,

"We're not"

"I am well aware of that" now she's looking at me like I've just grown a tit on my head, "Whatever, anyway gotta go, ring you later with the details"

"Ok, bye" God, she infuriates me!

***************


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you, thank you, thank you sooo much for the comments. I really didn't feel confident about that chapter, nor do I about this one, but it cheered me the hell up today as I haven't been feeling too great... I do apologise if this isn't as good as the others, put it down to lack of sleep and illness lol. Keep the comments coming =]

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Chapter Six

"Hey babe" He greets me as I stand waiting patiently outside his rather large house. He must sense that I'm nervous as he wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me into the house with me. As We leave the hallways I notice three people stood smiling at me. There is a rather tall older man who I'm assuming is Darren's dad, he looks just like him, only obviously more distinguished. The lady standing beside him looks like somebody who just walked off the desperate housewives set. Standing next to Teri Hatcher lookalike is a cute little girl who is stood nervously holding onto the woman's hand.

Brady bunch or what?

I smile nervously, "Hello Naomi, I'm Darren's father, John" He shakes my hand firmly, "This is my wife, Jenny" I shake her hand, and smile, "And this is our little girl, Kayla" She waves nervously at me and I return the wave politely,

"So glad you could make it" Jenny smiles at me, "Well dinner is nearly ready, I hope you don't mind chicken" She asks, eagerly awaiting my answer,

"No, no... not at all" I look up to Darren who has the biggest smile on his face.

"Shall we all sit down at the table?" John says, motioning to said table with his hand, I try to resist my laugh. We venture further into the dining room, a stunning room, beautifully decorated with a peaceful blue. They have a large glass 8-seater table with gorgeous chairs, which are glass... making me regret wearing a skirt as I can picture my arse getting stuck to it.

The table is all set with plates, cutlery, wine glasses and napkins. I feel awkward, I feel out of place. All of them are dressed smartly, Jenny wearing a dress, John wearing a shirt, tucked into his jeans, even Darren looks smart, and I come in a t-shirt and skirt.

Seriously under-thinking this I guess.

Jenny walks back in with an open bottle of wine, "Naomi, would you like a glass?"

"Sure" She pours me one, then proceeding to pour everybody else one, except Kayla of course. "Right, I better go and serve up" She smiles,

"Do you need a hand?" I ask, earning a satisfied smile from Darren's dad,

"Oh, no... you're our guest"

"I really don't mind" I say, smiling politely... Who knew I could be so polite?

"If you're sure" I stand up, consciously pulling my skirt down a little,

"I'm sure" I follow her into the kitchen, smelling the delicious chicken which is making my stomach grumble. "Smells delicious" I say,

"Darren's favourite, a traditional Sunday chicken dinner" she frowns, "Even though it isn't Sunday" I laugh politely. "I must say Naomi, you are a calming influence on Darren, and we couldn't be happier with him at the minute" I feel a blush rise to my cheeks, "Sorry"

"It's ok. He really is a great guy" She smiles widely.

******

I felt like I was being investigated at dinner. The parents throwing questions at me left right and centre. Darren found it amusing, but I literally couldn't put some food into my mouth without them asking me what my aspirations are, what my family is like, where I got my skirt from, my favourite music, my favourite film, what I fancied for dessert... the list was endless.

Darren is helping Jenny with dessert as Emily's ringtone starts on my phone, Meredith Brooks' Bitch... (She put it on, not me). "Oh, I'm so sorry" I say, picking my phone up, about to cancel it when John says it's ok, he doesn't mind if I answer it. I stand up and walk to the hallway, "Hello"

"You are so going to college naked bitch!" She practically shouts down the phone and I walk a little further away from them so they don't hear,

"I can't talk right now" I say quietly,

"Oh...sorry... how's dinner going?"

"Good... don't tell me you've finished already?" I ask, hoping she's not being thick today and realises what I'm suggesting,

"Finished what?" Yeah, she's having a thick day, "Oooooh... no, not as of yet... but the sparks are flying... I'm still at hers, just sneaked outside to call you"

"Ok, call me later ok, I'll talk to you then"

"Okies, bye" She hangs up... she better not close the deal!

"Sorry about that" I say bashfully as I sit back at the table,

"Not a problem" John smiles.

***************

"So, dinner went well, don't you think?" Darren asks as we're now up in his room.

"Yeah, you're parents are really nice"

"Yeah... they love you" I frown, "No, really... my mum wouldn't shut up saying how much of a catch you are when we were sorting the desserts out" I blush, he leans in and kisses me softly, "You are" he says, leaning in further, gently pushing my back onto the bed. He straddles me as we kiss, before pulling away. I look up at him, seeing a faint blush rise on his cheeks, he has fear lacing his eyes and I frown, rubbing his face with my hand,

"What's wrong?" I ask, he leans into my hand,

"I think I've fallen for you, Naomi" I'm shocked at how this comment made me feel. His piercing blue eyes staring down at me as he leans in for another kiss. I always pictured the first time a boy would ever say that to me, I pictured how I would feel, what would happen after, but I never pictured it like this... I never thought that I'd feel... I'd feel nothing.

My heart didn't pound for his, my stomach didn't twist into a thousand knots, my hands didn't clam up, a lump didn't form in my throat and no tears started at my eyes... just a big fat nothing... Even as he's kissing me, I still don't feel anything. As his hands slowly lift up my top, exposing my stomach, nothing. His lips lower to my neck, kissing tenderly up and down. His slight stubble hurting a little, but I still feel nothing.

He looks up at me, asking permission as his hands hover over my skirt. My teeth grab hold of my bottom lip as I think 'now or never'. I nod, he has a huge smile on his face as he pulls my skirt off...

*************

I walk home heavy footed, completely regretting sleeping with him. My solemn mood doesn't change as I get closer home. I see that my house is dark, there are no lights on, there is no car in the drive which means my mum is either working late or out on a date. I walk up the driveway, turning to the house and I see Emily sat on the doorstep. "Hey, it's about time" She smirks, walking up to me, and then seeing my face she stops. Holding her arm and squeezing the top of my shoulder, "Naomi?" I look up at her, tears filling my eyes, "Naomi, what's wrong?" I don't let the tears come fully, but Emily takes me by the hand and walks me into the house, unlocking the door for me and sitting me on the couch, turning the lights on. "Naomi, you're worrying me"

"It's nothing"

"No its not"

"I slept with him" I say bluntly,

"Willingly?" I look at her angrily,

"Of course"

"Well, sorry... just the way you are, it's possible" She says, sitting closer to me, "What happened?"

"Dinner was good, I got on with his family, and then we went up to his room. We were just sat talking, he told me that his parents love me... then he told me that he'd fallen for me, and we were kissing... and it just happened"

"Ok... I thought that's what you wanted"

"It is... it was... It's just... I didn't feel anything when he said that to me, I didn't feel anything when he kissed me, and the sex wasn't as I thought it would be"

"You were probably just nervous hun... you obviously knew deep down where the night was heading, and that was maybe why you didn't feel anything... nerves..."

"Maybe"

"What you gonna do?"

"I don't know... stay with him probably, see if maybe I can feel something... I really don't know"

"Just promise me something, ok?" I nod, "If you don't feel anything, don't stay with him"

"Why not?"

"By staying with him cause you don't want to hurt him, you'll hurt yourself, and you'll also be missing out on the chance to be with somebody else who you might have feelings for"

"You know, you're quite sensitive for somebody who's so arrogant"

"I have my moments" She smiles,

"I promise"

"Good"

"Now, tell me what happened, do I need to make sure I'm in pristine condition for tomorrow?" I laugh, she shakes her head,

"Nothing happened" She says, bowing her head. "I don't know if I want to do this anymore"

"Why not?"

"She's a nice girl Naomi... we had a nice chat this evening..." she smiles,

"Oh my god, you're starting to like her aren't you?" I say, smiling at her,

"No..."

"Don't lie"

"I don't" She says, adamantly, but I don't believe her.

"Prove it then" I raise my eyebrow at her, and she looks at me, weighing up her decisions.

"Ok, fine"

"Lets get pissed" I announce, walking over to the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of vodka.

"Brilliant idea Cambell!"

**************

"So what was it like then?" Emily asks, cradling the nearly empty vodka in her hand.

"What?"

"Oh, come on, I need details" I laugh,

"I don't know"

"You were present right?" We both laugh,

"Yes, but I mean, I don't have anything to compare it to"

"Did you orgasm?"

"I don't think so"

"That's a no" She laughs,

"Why is it"

"Trust me, you'd know if you did"

"I might have"

"You haven't"

"Oh, I forgot you're such an expert aren't you?" I laugh,

"Well, I'm sorry, but the girls I've slept with certainly knew that they had an orgasm" I roll my eyes,

"They might have faked it"

"They didn't"

"How can you be so sure?" I ask, raising my eyebrows, getting a little more comfortable on the couch, grabbing a cushion to hug,

"It's quite easy to tell... first off they start to lose their breath a little. Their legs start to move. Their eyes close, frowning, a light layer of sweat develops over their body. They moan, not in the over acting way, but it starts off quiet, and when you hit a spot you know they like, they get a little louder, their legs start to move more, they layer of sweat gets a little bit thicker. When they do open their eyes their pupils are so big, and every now and again their eyes roll into the back of their head... they start to grab you, not to stop you, not to keep you going, but to just hold on to something, try to steady themselves... and now this bit is crucial, this is the make or break bit... it depends on the person, but most of them arch... they arch their backs if their close, their shallow breaths come fast and hard, and then shortly after their entire body shudders, their arms flail off in any direction, their hands generally grab a hold of something, and their insides clench... their breathing starts to slow... but the body still twitches... and then they look at you, and you just know... you just know that you have just made them come so fucking hard!... that's how you know"

"Ok... I am officially horny now" I laugh, swallowing, trying to make my mouth get some moisture... "Yeah, I didn't do that" We both laugh.

"See, told you" She winks at me, "What time is it?" I glance at my watch,

"Half 12"

"Shit, I better get going, college tomorrow, remember" She smiles,

"Stay here"

"You sure?" She asks,

"Course, silly... makes sense, we go to college together anyway, and you'll have far to walk, and I don't want you walking alone"

"Ok"

"So you like Annabelle then?" I ask as we start to make our way to my room.

"She's nice" I laugh, "What?"

"It's ok to tell me, you know"

"What you talking about?"

"In all the time I've known you, you haven't once described a girl as being 'nice'... especially as there wasn't a sexual remark after it"

"Ok, fine... I like her a little... but I'm still going through with the bet! And you're going to school naked!" She laughs.

"Yeah, either that or you're not getting any sex for three months"

"And if I don't stick to it?"

"You have to go to school naked and start the three months all over again" She throws evils at me,

"Fine... deal"

********************


	7. Chapter 7

I'm sorry for not updating these past two nights, I've just been feeling really shitty and all I wanted to do was go to bed and sleep. So I did, lol.

I'm still not feeling 100%, so my apologies if this isn't up to standard, I just wanted to write, hope you all enjoy, comments always welcome, might make my sudden illness go away =P lol.

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Chapter Seven

I woke early with a slight twinge of a hangover. I quietly make my way to the shower, washing away the remains of my slight hangover. I feel the warm spray of the shower wash over me, waking me completely.

I think back to last night, remembering how it was with Darren... I remember what Emily said, and I think she might be right. I can't carry on being with him when I don't feel anything for him, I can't do that to him... It isn't fair to keep up this charade when I know exactly how he feels about me, it would kill him if I carried on seeing him, it would kill me...

"I'll end it" I say, confirming my decision to myself. I wash my face, switching the shower off and grabbing a towel. I wrap it around my naked body as I walk into my bedroom, seeing that Emily is still asleep.

I walk towards my bedside table, the side that Emily is sleeping on, and I grab my jewellery, quietly putting it on. I hear Emily stir beside me, I lean down a little and smile at how peaceful she looks.

She really is beautiful. Not the kind of beautiful where you spend an hour applying your face in the morning, but the kind that doesn't need to wear any make-up. Her perfect pearl-like skin shines in any light, making her appear as if she's glowing. She has a small smudge of eyeliner across her cheek, but other than that, her complexion is completely perfect.

I jump a little as she moves slightly, moaning in her sleep. I laugh, she's probably having a sex dream.

"Oh... Naomi..." I almost drop my watch on the floor. "There, yeah... oh... right there"

"Oh my god" I say quietly, I want to wake her, but something is stopping me. Something is stopping me from reaching out and shaking her, chastising her for having a dirty dream about me.

"Harder" She says, her voice full of sleep, but all the more husky and well, sexy. I feel my mouth fall open, shocked at what I'm seeing.

Normally she's the one to wake first, and if it's because of these dreams, I can totally understand why now. "Oh, yes... right there, there, oh my... Naomi" She says, raising her voice. My hand lifts up to my mouth in complete shock.

Only to fall down instantly straight after... Emily is looking right at me with possibly the biggest grin I have ever seen in my entire life, "You're face, oh my god... hilarious!" She shouts, rolling around laughing her head off,

"You fucking cow"

"Sorry hun, were you enjoying me performance?"

"Can't you just have your head up your arse like most people do this early?" I say, blushing a little, trying to hide this from Emily by using a towel to dry my hair,

"I can't help that I'm a morning person... and anyway, I heard you in the shower, and I knew that you'd come straight over and put your jewellery on, so I thought I'd do that"

"Ha, ha... so fucking funny aren't you?"

"Not as funny as your face" I throw the wet towel at her, she catches it and launches it back. "Get ya head outta my arse" She says,

"Excuse me?"

"Get. Your. Head. Out. Of. My. Arse" She says slowly.

"Whatever"

"Cranky" She says, getting out of bed and walking to the bathroom. Thank god, I get chance to calm my raging hormones...

"Is it safe?" She says, waving a white flannel in the doorway a couple of minutes later, I laugh at how cute she looks,

"Yes" She walks in, grabbing some clothes out of my wardrobe and throwing them on. "Can you be serious for a minute?" She turns around, walking towards the bed and sitting down,

"Of course... only for a minute though, otherwise my face will stay that way forever" I give her a stern look and she holds her hands up, "Ok, ok, serious..." She takes a deep breath and puts on her serious face, to which I laugh, "You asked me to be serious and now you're laughing" She says, sighing, "I can't win with you!"

"I'm sorry, but your serious face is funny..."

"Whatever, anyway, seriousness again"

"I'm thinking of breaking up with Darren"

"You were thinking about that last night... sorry" She says quickly as she sees my scorn,

"I've made a decision though, I'm gonna do it... but I want you to make me" She frowns, "If he's nice to me, or says something lovely like he did last night I don't think I'll have the willpower, so I need you to make me"

"Right"

"So you will?"

"I don't really have a choice do I?"

"Not really, sorry"

"No worries, you're my best friend and I would do absolutely anything for you my dear"

"Ditto" I grin hugely at her, and she returns my gesture,

"I'm glad you said that, because I need to ask you a favour"

"What's that?"

"It's something that I'll ask you to do for me with no questions asked and hopefully I don't have to do anything in return, oh and you might not like what I ask you to do..." I roll my eyes,

"Thanks for that lesson" She winks at me, "What is the favour?"

"I need to test Annabelle... to see if she does like me that way"

"Right"

"And I need you for that" I frown, "We're all going to the pub tonight, there's some form of disco on... I'm gonna use you shamelessly to make her jealous... and if I make her jealous, then she likes me" She grins, and I gulp,

"Define 'use'" She laughs,

"I'm gonna gay you up" She must see my face go pale, but she starts to laugh, "Don't be silly... I'm just gonna flirt with you... dance with you, make her jealous, I promise I won't go any further than your torso and I won't touch your tits" She laughs, "It's ok you big homophobe"

"I am not homophobic"

"I know" She laughs,

"Why can't you do that with the girls you generally pull?"

"Cause as much as I love you darling, I don't want to get into your knickers, I respect you enough not to even try... and I'm sorry, but if I was giving one of those girls the come on, I might not be able to stop, and that won't help our little bet at all now will it?"

"Oh" Ok... I didn't like the way she put that at all, but I'll step away from that thought for now,

"Do we have a deal?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Good"

*****

Ok, deep breath... I can totally do this. I can totally just break somebody's heart. Phew... right here goes.

I chance a glance back at Emily sitting on the curb, she smiles encouragingly at me, although that doesn't help, I smile back, acknowledging her trying to help.

He's standing with a group of friends as I approach, one of them gives him a head up, and he turns, smiling. "Can I have a word?" I ask as he approaches me,

"Sure thing babe" He grabs my hand as we walk to a quiet spot next to a tree. I can feel her eyes on me as I choose which spot is most appropriate. "What's up?" He asks as he leans in for a kiss, which I dodge, making him look at me questioningly. "You're breaking up with me aren't you?"

"I'm sorry" He lifts his head up to the sky, sighing,

"Why, what have I done?"

"It's not you"

"_It's me_" He imitates me, "At least you could be fucking original"

"Look, I'm sorry... I just don't think it's going to work"

"Why?"

"I don't feel the same way that you do"

"You could if you tried"

"I shouldn't have to try... it should just be there" He doesn't look at me, his hand rests on his hip as he shuffles his foot, "I'm really sorry, Darren"

"No you're not"

"I didn't want to hurt you"

"Well you failed" He sighs, "Oh well, at least I got a shag out of it"

"Excuse me?"

"Wasn't exactly amazing though" He says, smiling bitterly, I blink trying to understand if I heard that right. "You'll be back" He says before turning and walking away. I feel myself take a step back... How can somebody completely change, just like that?

I see Emily walking towards me. "You ok?" She asks, resting her hand on my arm, "What did he say to you?"

"At least he got a shag out of it... and I wasn't amazing"

"Fucking wanker" She shouts that last part towards his group of friends, who immediately break out into laughter, high fiving each other. "Parasites" She says through gritted teeth. "You can do so much better than him, hun... I promise you... Come on" She says, grabbing my hand, pulling me inside the building.

The rest of the day goes by in a blur. I know I shouldn't feel like this, it was my idea to break up with him in the first place. I just keep getting this feeling that maybe I shouldn't have. I look around me and I see all these couples, I see them blissfully kissing, holding hands, sharing occasional hugs down the hallway.

Most of the people are in some form of relationship anyway. Whether it be together as a couple or simply chasing. Chasing each other so that one of them gives way, gives into those looks, those delicate touches, those 'accidental' touches that we all know aren't accidental, we just long to touch you. Inevitably the chase leads to a relationship.

I didn't even have that. Nobody was chasing me. We weren't together long, but he had plenty of people chasing him, and rightly so, he is a good looking bloke, but nobody remotely looked at me.

That's when it happens... It's at that exact thought when it hits me... everything falls into place, why I didn't feel anything for Darren. Who wouldn't to be honest? He was a great guy, he was intelligent, charming, funny, caring, gorgeous, everything you would want in a guy. But I couldn't feel anything for him, and as her hand slips into mine, giving my hand a comforting squeeze, it clicks.

I was fighting a losing battle with Darren. There was always something that was holding me back, there was always this feeling in the back of my mind that maybe, somewhere out there, I could have something better, something better than the perfect bloke... the perfect girl.

It's at this moment that I feel my body start to panic. Panic mode is definitely set in as I lift my hand away from hers, pretending to move my hair out of my face. She doesn't falter. She sits still, as if it never happened, continuing to listen to our lesson.

No, it can't be. I can't be feeling like this, not for my best friend. I can't... I'm just reeling from what Darren said to me earlier. I reason with myself. Hoping that it works, and it may do, for a short while.

************

"She'll be here" I try to comfort a pacing Emily as we are waiting outside the pub. "Look, calm down, she's coming look" Her head snaps around so far that I'm surprised it's still attached to her neck. She walks over to Annabelle, giving her a hug. Annabelle nervously returning the hug.

I look away, feeling as if I'm intruding. Well, telling myself that I'm feeling that way. "Shall we all get a drink" I ask as they walk towards me. "I'm Naomi" I smile kindly towards Annabelle,

"Anna" She smiles... shyly of course. I can't help but notice Emily's beaming smile, I think she's just happy that she showed up.

We walk into the pub. It's packed. The table where we are all sat has three chairs left, convenient huh? Emily walks up to the table, "Guys, this is Anna, Anna this is Katie, my sister, JJ, Freddie, Effy, Cook and Pandora" She says, everybody greeting her politely, even Katie, which surprises me. "Do you want a drink, hun?" Emily asks, leaning in closer to Anna.

"Yeah, I'll have a pint please" The lads all raise their eyebrows as she asks for this, it isn't really feminine to order a pint, well in the case of guys anyway, but they all nod in appreciation. Christ, it doesn't take guys long to decide whether or not they like somebody. Emily pulls me off to the bar and smiles widely,

"She's changed huh?" I frown, "I mean, normally she doesn't come out in public, normally she doesn't speak... she's gaining more confidence" She smiles, "And I think that maybe she likes me"

"It's obvious she likes you Em" I say, grabbing my drink and necking it, fearing a long night.

"Woah, calm down, I need you for the test, remember" Oh shit... I forgot about that...

"In that case I'll have another shot of Jack please" I smile to the bartender, ignoring Emily's bewildered look.

Gonna be a long, long night.

*************


	8. Chapter 8

I'm sorry for not updating the last couple of days, I highly doubt you all would have appreciated it... let me put it this way... it was payday on Thursday, so pub Thursday, Friday and last night... I actually wrote a chapter while highly drunk... read it the next morning, it wasn't very coherent.

Thank you for hoping I get better, I have =]

I'm afraid I may have had to disappoint a few people with this chapter... possibly all of you, I imagine you had an image of how the dance was going to be... well you'll see... It isn't as 'spark' fuelled as you'll have hoped I think. I kind of have an idea of where this is going, at the minute I'm trying to get Naomi's emotions across... whether it will work or not I guess we'll see =]

Please do keep commenting, I'm really loving all of your feedback, criticism is welcome also.

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Chapter Eight

I watch as she approaches me, my heartbeat picking up, almost beating along to the music that is playing.

It's as if she's walking toward me in slow motion, her hair has a slight bounce with each step she takes. A smile creeps onto her face slowly as she notices me watching her. My stomach twists and turns as she stands in front of me, looking down at me. Her hand reaches out, waiting for me to accept her offer. I glance at the palm, weighing my options up, but also knowing that either way my hand will fall in hers and we'll have to complete this bet.

Right now, I wish I'd never made that bet. I wish Annabelle never existed to us, because maybe then I might be able to understand these feelings, or I might not have them at all. Maybe things can go back to the way they were, maybe seeing her standing here, asking me to dance won't evoke any emotions in me, because right now I'm feeling very emotional.

"Would you like to dance?" She asks, her voice barely above the song, but loud enough for me to hear. I glance around the table, suddenly feeling eyes burn upon me. Sure enough, everybody is looking at me inquisitively, the only person who isn't is Annabelle, she is giving me scornful looks.

I feel very nervous as my shaky hand answers her question for me, lifting up and fitting perfectly into hers. She smiles wider than before now. No second glances to the rest of the table, she's only looking at me.

"Right guys, it's getting to the end of the night now, the bar has called last orders so if you haven't already got a drink, I suggest you do so now, if so? Well, make your way to the dance floor, it's the last song of the evening" The DJ announces, I glance around the room as most of the people stand up and walk towards to dance floor. Some of them couples, others start dancing in a group, all the while Emily looks at me, her eyes scanning mine. The song changes to a slow one, and rather than both of us stand looking at each other awkwardly, Emily makes the first move.

She takes a step towards me, closing in like a predator striking their prey. Her eyes have this intensity in them, an intensity that I haven't seen before. Either that or I'm imagining it.

Her arm snakes around my waist, leading to my lower back where she proceeds to pull me even closer. Her feet are now mixed with mine, with her spare hand she lifts my arm up, resting it on her shoulder, she motions for me to do the other, and I oblige. Now she positions herself, both her hands resting on my lower back, pulling me even more closer.

I bow my head in embarrassment as I feel a slight blush start at my cheeks, "You're not shy" She smiles, making me look at her, "So why are you blushing?"

"I've never danced like this before... I don't know what I'm doing" I say, biting my lip, she laughs, not in a mean way, but in an understanding way, her head nods,

"It's a good job I'm here then" She says as she starts to guide my hips with her hands,

"Yeah" I agree quietly, bowing my head again, I feel her head move to the crook of my neck and my body freezes instantly, she doesn't notice though,

"This kind of dance requires eye contact dear" She says breathily, causing a shiver to erupt throughout my body, she notices this. I shoot my head up quickly to try and catch her reaction, but if she has any reaction, she is certainly hiding it well, "That's better" She smiles,

"Sorry"

"No need to be, I'm teaching you... put it this way, you'll remember this moment... you'll remember me teaching you to slow dance here, in this grubby pub. You'll remember it while you have your first dance with your sexy new husband" She grins smugly, "I've given you a memory of me" I laugh, feeling my entire body relax.

"You don't need to provide a memory, I have plenty, and anyway, I don't need one you'll be stood there telling me, and everybody else, that you taught me to dance like this" her eyes lift up to the ceiling, she has a faraway look on her face as she looks back at me with a big grin,

"I like that"

"I thought you might" I laugh,

"I'll also tell them how you just broke my little toe... ouch" She says, wincing, I step back, looking at her foot and looking back up at her,

"Shit, I'm so sorry" She laughs, pulling me back,

"It's ok, you are forgiven" We continue dancing, and I feel myself relax even more, I feel my heart beat so deeply as she rubs soothing circles on my lower back, I don't, however, gain any confidence, I'm looking over her shoulder as we are dancing.

I feel her warm breath against my moist lips suddenly, causing me to snap my vision towards her. My breath turns shallow as I stare into those dark, dark eyes. I feel my deeply beating heart start to pick up again for the third time tonight as a small smile dances on her lips. The smile reaching her eyes.

My eyes start to wander a little, pulling towards her lips, like a magnet to a fridge, I can't stop myself, I can't stop my eyes from glancing at her lips, seeing her take a breath through her slightly parted lips. Her smile fades as I look back up to her eyes, the smile is no longer there, and is replaced with confusion. I feel myself pull away a little, shutting her out, hiding all my emotions that I've shown during this dance, hiding them from the world. I glance back to her eyes, and they haven't changed. Her mouth starts to open as if she's going to say something, but she struggles, she struggles with the words that are about to come out.

I feel myself frown a little, not liking this small predicament that I'm finding myself in, lusting after my best friends lips. Wondering what it would be like to kiss her, wondering how she'll taste. Wondering if she's a good kisser.

I feel those walls that I put up only seconds ago fall down again as I watch her struggle with her thoughts, struggle with her words.

Emily never struggles to speak.

"Emily" Katie runs up to us, breaking us out of trance, Emily looks to the intrusion and see's a slightly frantic Katie stood next to her. "Anna's just left"

"What?" Emily says, shocked, "Why?"

"Why do you think?" Katie looks at me like I'm a piece of shit, and right now, I feel like one.

"Shit"

"Go after her, idiot" Katie says before turning round and walking towards the door, Emily looks at me, a look that I've never seen before,

"I better go after her"

"Your plan worked" I say, trying to stamp a smile on it so it doesn't sound so, forced.

"Yeah" She says, bewildered, "I'll see you later ok"

"Ok" I wait until she's outside before I follow, creeping out into the street to watch as the scene unfolds. I hide behind a bush outside the pub, watching as Emily runs after Anna, shouting her name, calling out desperately, but Anna doesn't falter. Emily picks up her speed as she grabs Anna's wrist, spinning her around.

Nothing was said... absolutely nothing. As soon as Anna was forcefully turned towards Emily, she closed the gap, pushing Anna up against the wall behind her, kissing her with such force, such passion that it rips me to shreds to witness it. I feel a lump form in my throat as I watch Anna give in, I watch her limp arms suddenly gain life, passionately grabbing Emily. Pulling her closer, closer than I've ever been to her.

I think it's safe to say that the bet has been officially lost, and the least of my worries is having to go to college naked, because at this very moment in time, with a lone tear residing on my face, my heart longing for the person down the road, my body aching for the courage to go and break them up, but knowing that I'll never be able to, it's at this moment that I realise I've let my heart open, I've let it come out and sit on display, showing everybody who it belongs to... I've never been more naked than I am now.

That is going to change, right now. I stand up, wiping the tear off my cheek, wiping the painful image of the two of the out of my mind, I turn around and start to walk home.

"Naomi" I hear a faint voice from behind me. I turn around and I see the person I least expected to be stood there,

"What do you want Katie?"

"Are you ok?" She has a sincerity in her voice that I've never heard before, "You look like you've been crying"

"I'm fine"

"No you're not"

"Who the fuck are you to tell me what I am and what I'm not? You don't even know me"

"Yes I do" She argues back,

"Excuse me"

"Yes I do, fuck sake, Emily talks about you enough"

"She does" Damn it, control yourself Cambell!

"Yes, Christ..."

"Why do you care if I'm ok?"

"I'm not the bitch that I appear to be ok?" I raise my eyebrows, "Ok, most of the time anyway, you've caught me at a good time"

"Wasn't my intention" I say, and she smirks cockily,

"You gonna tell me why you're crying, it doesn't look good does it?" I frown, "Well, my sister looking like she's actually got more than a one night stand for a change, and with somebody who is pretty and also has a brain, which is a bonus, but then to see her best friend crouched behind a bush watching the heart-warming scene in tears, well, heart-warming for everyone else, just gross for me."

Shit, Katie has a brain... think fast...

"Don't be stupid Katie, it's not what you think" She quirks her eyebrow challenging me, begging me to come up with possibly the worst likely story in the world, "I broke up with Darren today, and seeing Emily so happy... it just hit me" I added a little emotion to the end of that to make it slightly more believable, and it worked by the look on her face,

"Ok, so why were you crouching behind the bush?"

"What would look worse? Me standing in full view crying my eyes out as I watch my best mate and her girlfriend get hot and heavy, or hiding it so people don't get the wrong idea" She nods her head,

"Ok, I'll believe that" She folds her arms as she examines me, but I start to walk away, "You need a ride? Danny will be here in a minute" Could have actually died, right here on this pavement,

"You're offering me a ride... you... act of kindness... two things I'd have never put together" She rolls her eyes,

"Hey, fine, walk, we're going past your house anyway, I was being logical"

"Again, another thing I wouldn't put in a sentence with you"

"Just walk, bitch" She gives up,

"Thank you for the offer, but I'd rather walk anyway, you know, clear my head"

"Ok, bye" She turns around, tapping her foot impatiently as she waits for Danny's 'pussy wagon' to turn up. I start walking down the road, wrapping my hands around myself. The night turning chilly.

I decided to take a detour, sitting in the local park for a short while, trying to gather my thoughts, sort my feelings out, and ultimately decide what I'm going to do...

_I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother..._ Shit... I grab my phone, looking as the light flashes, lighting Emily's name into my already Emily obsessed mind. I ignore the call, still holding the phone in my hand. Not even a minute later I get a text.

_Birthday suit at the ready... the deal is done... see you tomorrow xx_

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	9. Chapter 9

I struggled a little with this one... So hopefully you will forgive the extremely random conversation at the end of this chapter.

I did chuckle a little while writing that, bringing back so many memories when me and my friends would drunkenly talk about that... it is more than likely one of those 'you had to be there' moments, but hey, gives you a little extra to read while I try to figure the next chapter out =]

Thank you so so much for the comments, I check them every morning (/afternoon) when I wake up, always puts me in a great mood!

Hope you like!

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Chapter Nine

I hear a small tap on my bedroom door as I'm slightly stirring from my sleep. I roll over, ignoring it, hoping it will go away so i can carry on with my much needed sleep, only for the door to click open. I grab my pillow from beneath my head, harshly picking it up and putting it over my head, ignoring who ever has just walked in.

Although I already know who it is.

"Go away" I say through my pillow. I feel the bed dip, I clasp tighter at the pillow, trying to fall back asleep, only to be jabbed in the stomach, I squirm, removing the pillow and throwing her one hell of a dirty look, she lifts her hands in defence,

"Woah... Naomi, it's two in the afternoon"

"I'm tired" I whine, "Now leave me alone" I say, using the quilt to cover my face now.

"No"

"Ugh, you are so annoying" I moan, turning away from her. There is a cold wind that rushes through my warm bed as she climbs in. I shiver, hugging my quilt tighter.

"I need to talk to you" My eyes open wide at this, "About last night" Shit, fuck, bollocks, titting hell...

"Oh" Is all I can say,

"I'm really confused" She says, her body shifting, facing mine, I close my eyes. I know that under this quilt it's dark, but I can't bear to look at her right now, "I mean... one minute I was thinking one thing, I was feeling one thing, then another I was feeling something else"

"What are you rambling about?"

"What happened last night..."

"Between who?" I try not to sound anxious, I try not to sound like I'm dying to know the answer to that question,

"Who do you think? Anna of course" I feel my body slump, I feel my breath sigh, it was relief, yes, but was it a welcome relief?

"Oh, guess I gotta go to college naked, huh?" She laughs lightly,

"If you want"

"Well, did you or didn't you?"

"I did"

"So I have to then"

"Only if you want to"

"A bet is a bet"

"No, Naomi... look, it may have started out a bet, but it didn't finish one"

"What you on about?"

"I like her... I really like her... a lot" I don't say anything, I can't say anything. I sit there, staring at her silhouette in my bed. I can only just make out her form, there is a slight light under here, but I can't see her face, I can only see her hands, and she is fiddling with them nervously. "Say something then" She says, her hands lifting up slightly,

"What do you want me to say?"

"Something, anything... Just don't sit there judging me"

"I'm not judging you" I frown,

"Yes you are... you are sat there thinking that I'm screwed, because how the hell can I start a relationship with somebody that was based on a bet... I can't... if she finds out... Oh Naomi, she can never find out"

"I told you, I won't tell anybody" Did she just say start a relationship? Is she thinking about entering into a commitment? Willingly?

This must be serious, Emily has never been in a relationship, not even for a short period of time. She has always maintained that she is a womaniser, she will never settle down... Well, at least not now or in the foreseeable future.

"I know" She says quietly, "Naomi, what am I gonna do?" Oh, please don't ask me that... "I need you to tell me what to do"

"I can't do that"

"Why not?" Cause I'm in love with you... Shit, no I'm not, I did not just think that... fuck "Naomi"

"Huh, what?" I jump,

"Why not?"

"Cause I can't... I can't tell you what to do, Emily. That's your decision"

"It would help if you told me what to do"

"I might help, but I'm not going to tell you"

"What do you _think_ I should do then?"

"Nope, that won't work either" she jabs me again in the stomach,

"Bitch" I smile,

"Just do what feels right" I bite my lip, fighting with the question that is sitting on my lips, fighting with the clenching in my stomach at these revelations, fighting at how close she is to me right now,

"Go on, ask" I bet she's smiling,

"Ask what?"

"What you are debating about asking" I bite my lip harder, "Ok, I'll answer for you... it was weird"

"Weird?" I ask, almost chocked at not hearing any mention of amazing, brilliant, come-fucking tastic, or anything associated with those words,

"Yeah... After I left you at the pub, which I apologise greatly for by the way, I shouldn't have deserted you like that... anyway... I saw her walking away from me... I know it's not even been a week, but I just didn't want her to... I ran after her, shouting her, but she ignored me, she carried on walking. I was trying to think of something to say as I was running to her, and then when I finally reached her, I grabbed her wrist, pulling her round..." She hesitates, for a fucking painfully long time,

"And?"

"Her eyes... fuck... those beautiful green eyes... the way she looked at me, a tear in her eye, I just wanted to... No... needed to fucking kiss her" I gulp, having to re-live that moment, not just from my eyes but hers also, is something I didn't want to do... "And when she kissed me back... I just knew it"

"What?"

"I'd fallen for her" I can't help the bitter laugh that escapes my lips, and I hear her head snap to mine, "And that's funny because?"

"Sorry..."

"No, why did you laugh?"

"You barely know her"

"I know her better than you think"

"Oh, just cause you've had sex with her means that you know her, right, sorry, forgot that one"

"No, I didn't mean that actually, Christ what is up your fucking arse today?"

"Nothing"

"For your information, her favourite band is Evanescence, she is an incessant reader, a brilliant writer, she would love to be a journalist when she's older, she is completely ignored at home as her elder brother is the golden child, she's only shy because she was bullied horribly, she's been moved around from pillar to post since her parents split up, she's always known she is gay. Her favourite writer is Stephen King, and her idol is the lead singer of Evanescence, Amy Lee, she wishes she could have an ounce of her talent. I'm the first person she's ever kissed or done anything with... erm... she can't decide on her favourite colour, so she has two; black and red. She is a huge history fan, she can't stand any of the new horror films that are made, she prefers Alfred Hitchcock films or films from that era... need I continue?"

"No, I think you've made your point" I bite my lip, blinking back the tears as I force myself to apologise, "I'm sorry" She lifts the quilt off us both, sitting up she looks at me.

"Are you ok?" She asks, her dark brown eyes staring deep into mine, I look away, I need to, I can't take the intensity of her stare anymore,

"I'm fine"

"**F**reaked out, **i**nsecure, **n**ervous and **e**motional" I frown at her, "The true definition of fine..." I frown again, "The initials spell fine... anyway... I know something is wrong"

"Nothing, honestly I'm fi- okay" She smiles, "I think you answered your own question by the way"

"Why?"

"When you wanted me to tell you what to do... you proving that you know her... just answered your question"

"Why?"

"She's the person you've always wanted... pretty, intelligent, creative, ambitious, caring..."

"How do you know?" She frowns,

"Because I know you" She looks at me differently now, I can't put my finger on why it's so different, but she seems to become a little nervous, which in turn, makes me very nervous...

"Is that what's wrong?" She asks, her question not indicating anything,

"What? That I know you" She smiles,

"No... that you think I'm gonna leave you for Anna" Oh, I never thought of that, great excuse!

"Uh..."

"You can tell me, you know"

"I know... It is a bit, yeah" She looks at me, her expression mirrors that of someone who just got happy slapped.

"Naomi," She calms herself down, and I quietly thank god, "I will never leave you... you are the most important thing in my life... you are the top of my list and you always will be" She says, her voice quiet, her eyes shy. "I mean that... I'm a big believer in friends come before lovers"

"You say that now though, you're seventeen... your philosophy might change... and anyway, I care about you too much to let a girlfriend get in the way... I'd still be here, waiting if the relationship ends, I'd still be here"

"I know" She smiles,

"I'm a muppet like that" I laugh nervously, my cheeks burning at that small revelation,

"Nah, you're amazing like that" She says, nudging me, "Anyway, now we've got that cleared up, can I just say that we are being extremely soppy with each other lately, and I'm missing our little fun that we had"

"I agree" I laugh, "So tell me Miss Fitch, what do you fancy doing?"

"You know what? I have been craving fucking rhubarb crumble for the past month or so... It is literally killing me now... I gotta have some" I laugh,

"Right..."

"So, how about..." She taps her chin with her forefinger, "We go to the shop, get some rhubarb and shit for the crumble and we have a baking afternoon!" She says, clapping her hands at her amazing idea,

"I hope that wasn't a literal 'shit', honey, I don't think shit would go too well with rhubarb"

"I disagree, rhubarb makes you shit... and anyway smart arse, I don't mean actual excretion, knob"

"You're being very caring today, might I add" I grin at her, "And anyway, I may have to literally shit on your rhubarb right now" She looks disgusted, and I laugh, "Metaphorically speaking, of course" Now she looks confused but goes with it anyway,

"And why is that?"

"I don't like rhubarb" Her mouth falls open in complete shock,

"You.." She takes a breath, "Don't like rhubarb... Oh my god, I think I'm gonna have to re-evaluate putting up at the top of my list" She laughs,

"Hey" I slap her arm,

"I'm kidding, chick"

"Right, so can't we uh... make both?" She asks, her eyes like a lost puppies, how can you say no, really?

"If we must"

"Woop" She jumps on the bed slightly, "Now go brush your teeth, you stink" She says, pinching her nose, I glare at her,

"Yes mum" I salute her while getting out of bed,

"Might wanna pull ya knickers from your arse while you are at it, love. I can see your whole cheek" Now I blush, quickly turning around and covering my bum with my hands, "Nice" She winks,

"Perv" I say, walking off,

"You love it"

"yeah" I say under my breath while having a large grin plastered on my face.

*******

Ingredients bought, hands washed, bowls at the ready and we are now going to attempt to make apple crumble and rhubarb crumble.

"Shit" Emily curses, "We forgot custard"

"Oh, we've got some anyway"

"Thank fuck for that" She sighs, "Right, you do the apples and the rhubarb and I'll do the crumble... me likey crumble" She grins, rubbing her hands together. I walk over to the side she is now pouring copious amounts of flour and sugar into a bowl, and I laugh,

"Yeah, A little too much sugar there dear... my teeth are already cringing at the sight of it"

"Hey, I have a sweet tooth"

"No shit"

"We agreed on the 'no shit for the crumble' earlier"

"Ha ha" I say, grabbing a chopping board and starting to peel the apples, "You know, every time I'm peeling an apple I always think about Sleepless in Seattle" She laughs at me, "What?"

"You are a soft twat"

"No I'm not... that film is a classic, you have to watch it"

"I've seen it"

"So I'm not the only soft twat in the room then"

"Why do you think about that?" She frowns,

"I thought you'd seen it"

"Yeah, years ago"

"Tom Hanks, he's talking about his dead wife, and he's saying that he always remembers that she could peel a whole apple in one long strip"

"looks like you can't" She laughs, "Poor baby"

"Fuck. Off. Anyway, peeling an apple always reminds me of Meg Ryan trying to do it while listening to the radio"

"Oh, what I wouldn't give for a little bit of Meg" I break out laughing,

"You're kidding right?" She shakes her head,

"She is hot!" I carry on laughing, "Alright then Missy, who is your shouldn't really but would definitely"

"Sean Connery, or Mel Gibson... ooh, Richard Hammond, definitely!"

"Sean Connery... ewww... he's like... 70"

"Like a fine wine, only gets better with age" She physically cringes, and I can't help but laugh,

"So cheesy"

"So true" I argue, "Alright, old women... hmmm, let me think..." I think for a short while, "Oooh, I got the best one..."

"Go on, this should be funny"

"Sharon Stone"

"Oooh, I like that... you have good taste in women for a straight girl" She laughs,

"Oh, I'd do Carol McGiffin off Loose Women" She laughs so hard at this,

"Oh my god, I take that back"

"What, she is so funny!"

"You'd shag her cause she's funny?" she laughs,

"Yeah, definitely"

"And anyway, she's not that old"

"Still over a decade older than me" I wink at her this time, and she smiles widely,

"You are funny" She says, still laughing a little.

"I try"

***************


	10. Chapter 10

I feel Like I should pre-warn you about this chapter... My mate came round to my house tonight and go me absolutely trashed... I'm not lightweight... but 4 lagers and three quarters of a bottle of vodka is enough to make me catatonic, however, I feel it is my duty to give you all an update, so please forgive any spelling mistakes, any rambling, and if this is completely shit... I am seeing double right now =D lol

Good job I don't get hangovers!

Please do comment =]

**************

Chapter Ten

It is possibly the strangest situation I have ever been in. When we are together, I don't think about my feelings, but when we are apart it is all I think about.

It's as if simply being with her stops all these painful emotions that equate throughout my body, when I'm with her, I don't think about it, I don't feel them as much.

I suppose, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

When I'm with her, it is as though the past month has never happened, it's as if those feelings that so abruptly made them self known have disappeared, but I still feel them every now and again, but it doesn't matter, because when she is with me, they aren't the most important thing anymore.

We don't have to be doing anything special, we could simply be doing our coursework in silence, but knowing that she is with me, that she is near, my incessant feelings give me a break for a little while, they are satisfied at her presence.

I also suppose that I should inform you all; Its been a month, and they are a bona fide couple, they spend almost every spare minute together, and I spent most of my nights trying to forget about her. Trying to forget about those brown orbs falling onto my blue eyes, I try to stop picturing what it would feel like to kiss those beautiful lips, I try not to imagine what she would taste like, what her skin would taste like.

I guess you could say that for the past month I have been living on an Emily diet. I've survived on the occasional glances, the odd touches, but sometimes I've indulged, lingering a little too long with those looks, finding an excuse to touch her. I've grown greedy, I long for time to spend with her and I hate when she leaves. I hate when she leaves me for her.

Sitting in the canteen at college, I study them. I study how much Anna has changed since she met Emily. The shy girl that hid behind her hair, that cradled her books when in the vicinity of a crowd, the girl that would stutter if spoken to, her green eyes would constantly be frightened, frightened of any contact. That girl is no longer there, and in her place, well...

Her posture is completely the opposite, rather than humping over her books, she stands tall, her head held high, her hair is possibly the most changed, gone is the straggly brown locks that were never tame, and in its place, perfectly smooth black hair with a delicately placed pink fringe, at the minute she has her fringe pinned up into a quiff. Her face that was a complete virgin to make-up is now hiding beneath perfectly applied foundation, her eyes are always smoky which brings out the green in her eyes. She is forever smiling, showing off a perfect set of teeth with were never seen before. But the thing that pisses me off the most, sliding into her imperfect hand is the perfect hand of Emily's, you can't get one without the other these days. They come as a pair.

Emily has never been so happier. She watches Anna lovingly as she places money into a vending machine, her hand is being tightly held by Anna's, but Emily doesn't seem to mind.

She hasn't even noticed that I'm sat here yet. She hasn't glanced anywhere but at Anna. Like a love-sick puppy following its new owner around, I have officially resigned my post as number one on her list.

She hasn't realised this yet, but she's bound to eventually.

I carry on with my lunch as Effy approaches me. "Hey" She says,

"Hey Eff, what's up?"

"Nothing, you just looked a little lonely" She has that knowing smile which annoys me.

"I'm fine, but you're welcome to join me" I smile, hiding my contempt at the girl for knowing absolutely everything.

She sits down beside me, following my line of sight to the happy couple before us, I hear a chuckle come from Effy, and I look at her, my eyebrows rising in a questioning manner, "What?" She asks,

"You chuckled"

"Emily is so happy isn't she?" My head lowers as she delivers this devastating blow,

"Yeah, she is... it's great" I chance a glance, and sure enough, her smile is ever evident.

"Yeah, but you must feel like shit, right?"

"Excuse me?"

"The best friend... being tossed aside for the new girlfriend. Doesn't exactly feeling like a thousand rainbows"

"Yeah, I guess so"

"Say something then"

"No... she's happy, I don't want to ruin it"

"But you're not happy"

"I am" I smile, to reiterate my statement, but that smile is still there, all seeing Effy is well and truly in her element with me.

"Cool" She continues to eat her lunch as the rest of the group gather around, except Emily and Anna who have fucked off somewhere.

"Naomikins"

"Cook"

"Party tonight, you coming?"

"I don't think so Cook"

"Awww, why?" Her starts to pout at me, and I feel a little guilty, he really is an arsehole, but he knows how to play women, "It wouldn't be a party without you" he whines,

"Yeah, come on" Effy nudges me, "Take your mind off things, you know" I hate her sometimes.

"Come on, Naomi" Freddie says, openly chewing his burger, I cringe, and then cave,

"Ok, fine" The group all come out in cheers and I already feel better. I suppose being wanted can do that to some people.

"Emily!" Cook shouts as she makes her way to the other side of the room,

"She's pissing me off now" Katie says, blowing her hair out of her face, "Since that fucking tard came along it's as if none of us exist"

"Katie" I say, softly, "She's happy"

"We aint" We all look at them as they approach, Anna looks less than happy at the intrusion but plasters a smile as she gets closer,

"What's up guys" I try to act all nonchalant as she sits beside me, placing her food on the table, she nudges me, "Hey" She says softly, I smile at her and carry on eating, fucking hypocrite.

Ok, something else I feel I must inform you of... Emily has a tendency of ditching us at a minutes notice for Anna... double standards right? Please tell me you all agree and it's not just me being pathetic?? Anyway, the more she does this, the more pissed off at her I get.

Understandable, right?

"Just wanted to see if you fancied coming to a party tonight" Cook claps his hands together, Emily looks straight towards Anna,

"You don't need to ask for fucking permission Ems, we're your fucking friends" Have I mentioned that I love Katie? Anna looks startled at Katie's little outburst, and Emily looks furious,

"We had plans actually Katie, I was seeing if we could do them another time"

"What ever" Anna nods, and Emily accepts the invitation, getting all the details, when and where, all that.

************

Fuck it, I am gonna pull tonight. I say to myself as I'm getting ready. "I fucking need to"

"Need to what, love?" My mum says, scaring me,

"What the fuck!" I say jumping, "Why are you standing in the doorway watching me?"

"Can't a proud mother admire her beautiful daughter?"

"No"

"Well, I'm going to anyway" She smiles, folding her arms, "Where are you going tonight?"

"A party"

"I haven't seen Emily around recently"

"She's been busy" Mother's really know how to drag up shit problems, huh?

"Are you ok?" She asks, her arms uncrossing as she walks towards me,

"Yes, mum. I just need to get ready, I'm already late"

"Right, so if I tell you I'll give you a lift you can calm down and tell me what the problem is right?"

"Wrong"

"Naomi..."

"Yes" I say, turning around to meet her concerned gaze, I put on the fakest smile I can muster at this specific moment in time, and it seems to do the trick, she sighs heavily,

"Fine, don't say I didn't try... let me know when you're ready"

I feel guilty... I know that my mother loves me no matter what, I know that she is always going to be there for me, even if sometimes I don't say that. I know that any problem she will understand, and right now, I really need somebody to talk to, but as per usual, the huge steel wall is up and nobody is getting through.

Nobody.

****************

Ok, so here I am, at another random party... This time is actually in a house. Granted the house smells like piss and is a complete shit hole, but at least it has a roof. Everybody is trashed, including me. Emily and Anna haven't even turned up yet, but hey, do I care?

Yes, but shhh.

"Naomi!" Cook shouts as he comes bouncing towards me. I grin as he hugs me,

"Is Cooky a little plastered?"

"Fucking wankered!" He shouts back, "You know... I've always liked you Naomikins" Here we go,

"Yeah" I say, and he smiles. Her drunken hands all over my waist, his dilated eyes trying to focus on me, but I don't think it's working, he loses his balance and I grab at his chest to try and steady him, he grins,

"You know what I think you need?"

"I have a pretty good idea" I smirk at him.

"Do you now? I might shock you"

"Nah, I don't think that's possible"

"Try me" he grins, fuck it, why not,

"Go on, then"

"A hug" Ok, I am genuinely shocked,

"Right... so no sexual innuendo, or anything like that" He shakes his head,

"Nope, just a hug, want Cooky to give you one?" I laugh,

"Go on then" I laugh, he can actually be kinda sweet... sometimes...

He wraps his arms around me and even though he smells like weed and vodka, I let myself give into the hug, and he actually makes me feel better... a lot better actually.

As daft as it sounds, it's like when you're a child, you fall down and cut your knee, your mum will lean down and kiss the cut and all of a sudden you feel so much better, even though in reality the pain is exactly the same, it's the gesture that eases the pain, and I guess, with cook hugging me right now, his gesture is easing my heartache, making me feel a little less lonely, so I hold on a little longer.

Now I know what you're thinking, and you'll be completely correct in doing so... 'she's so gonna do something with him'...

His head shifts, moving his lips towards my neck. I don't object, no, I let him. I tilt my head to the other side, allowing him access, he takes full advantage of it. He bites down hard, I gasp, but as he starts sucking I feel my knees go weak a little. My hands grasp at his neck as he continues to suck.

I feel my pulse beating against his teeth, my eyes roll into the back of my head and I clasp at his shirt. He pulls away and looks at me grinning.

I smile back, and as I see him lean in, there isn't a single thought in my head that is telling me to stop him... maybe this is exactly what I need to get over her...

His rough lips touch mine with such force that I'm taken aback. He roughly pushes his tongue into my mouth, his hand lifting to my neck, making the kiss deeper. I wrap my arms around him tighter, pulling him closer, getting lost in this erotic kiss.

I pull away for a brief second, looking up to the ceiling, he catches my drift and smirks like a cat who's got the cream. "You sure?" He asks, obviously not believing his luck.

I know that it isn't me, it's the vodka and the spliff, and it also has a little something to do with Emily, but right now, every single thing in my body is screaming at me to say that I am sure, that I want to go upstairs right now and have angry sex with Cook, why shouldn't I? I'm single... I bite my lip and nod. He grabs my hand and starts rushing me through the crowd. As we are walking up the stairs I glance around the room, and the only thing I see is a pair of dark, dark eyes staring back at me.

Hurt eyes...

*******************


	11. Chapter 11

Ok, I don't remember putting that chapter up at all... hmm... less vodka next time me thinks.

Thank you for your reviews =]

This one is a wee bit angsty... don't worry, I'll fix it...

***********

Chapter Eleven

We find an empty room, Cook opening the door and nodding for me to come in as it's empty. He grabs a chair and props it up against the door. He smiles widely at me.

I feel the effects of the alcohol wear off, but I still want to do this, I need to. He starts kissing me roughly again, and I start to feel the nerves bubble up to the surface. I push him away lightly and he frowns, "Be gentle... ok?" I say, nervously biting my lip, gone is his wide grin and is now replaced by an understanding smile, he nods before kissing me, more slowly this time.

I know he's got a reputation, I know I'm gonna be another notch on his bedpost, I also know that I'm going to piss Effy off immensely, but right now, I need to be selfish.

He gently pushes me down onto the bed, he climbs on top of me, still kissing me softly. He sits up pulling his top off, I mirror him, his greedy eyes look me up and down, he licks his lips before smiling again.

"Pervert" I laugh, he holds his hands up,

"What? You're a babe" I feel myself blush, "They all come to the Cooky Monster in the end" He grins and I laugh,

"You're so cheesy" He smacks his chest like an ape,

"You love it" He leans down again, his lips now kissing down my neck. He slowly moves to my collar bone, and I am amazed at how turned on I am. Cook is actually good at this.

There is a loud knock at the door, startling us both, "Fuck off!" Cook shouts, but the knock continues,

"Naomi!" I hear Emily shout. Cook looks at me questioningly, "Naomi, I know you're in there, open up!" She shouts, knocking on the door louder this time,

"Do you want me to tell her to fuck off?" I stand up from the bed,

"No, Cook, it's ok, I'll do it" He stands up, pulling the chair away. I swing the door open and I see a flustered Emily stood there, her mouth agape as she realises I'm half naked. Cook stands behind me, his hand resting on my stomach. "Yes?" I ask, my voice completely void of any emotion,

"What are you doing?" She asks, giving Cook the stink eye, I feel him laugh behind me,

"What does it look like?" She frowns heavily at me, her arms folding across her waist,

"Looks like you're doing something you'll regret tomorrow" She says, her voice deep, almost sounding like she's in pain.

"I'm a big girl, Emily. I don't need saving this time" I lean into her, "I know exactly what I'm doing" She stumbles back a little, shocked at the way I'm being with her, "Come on Cook" He grins like a child as I turn back around, shutting the door, shutting Emily out my life, if only for a little while. Cook puts the chair up against the door and then sits on the bed beside me,

"You alright, babes" He asks, resting his arm around my shoulder. I realise I look like a loon as I'm sat on the edge of the bed, my eyes not leaving the floor, amazed that she had the nerve to come up after having ignored me for the past couple of weeks.

"Yeah, yeah"

"We don't have to... we can just talk?" I look at him and smile, "What?" He asks, the corner of his lips curving into a smile,

"You're sweet... not at all what I expected" He lowers his head like he's embarrassed, I lift his chin, making him look at me again, I lean in and kiss him softly on the lips. It's me who deepens the kiss, and it's me who pushes his back onto the bed, as I climb on top, straddling him, I forget all about the red head probably seething on the other side of the door.

************

Cook sits on the bed, smoking a cigarette as I get changed.

I'm not embarrassed, I'm not annoyed at myself, I'm quite shocked actually... I thought that I'd hate it, that it'll be exactly like it was with Darren, but it wasn't... I actually had a hell of a lot of fun, Cook definitely gaining some likable points in my book now. He smirks at me, "What?" I ask, laughing at his content smile,

"You like her, don't you?"

"What? No I don't" I say, feeling a burning start on my cheeks,

"Yes you do"

"She's my best friend" I say, as if that supposed to explain everything, but knowing that to him, it won't.

"How do you know I'm talking about Emily? I could have been talking about someone else" Shit.

"Good guess"

"Nah" He must see me start to panic, as he sits up a little, "It's ok Naomikins, I won't say anything" He winks at me. He stands up off the bed, walking over to me, he kisses me on the cheek, and I feel myself blush again, "Wanna go again?" He asks, raising his eyebrows repeatedly, I laugh loudly, tapping him on his cheek playfully,

"As much fun as it was Cook, nah... I need a drink"

"Cooky's door is always open" He says, holding his arms out, "If you need to forget about twinny for a little while" I frown at him, and he laughs, "All good fun babes"

"I'll see you later" I laugh as I pull the chair out, I open the door and walk out into the bulging corridor. I walk down the stairs, and there seems to be less people here then there were when I first got here, but the party is most definitely still buzzing. I grab a beer out of the kitchen and spot JJ stood near the corner. I walk over to him, smiling. He waves at me, waving me over. I make my way through the small crowd, and immediately wish I didn't as I get a better look at whose company JJ is keeping...

"Hello Naomi" JJ smiles at me, "Enjoying the party?"

"Oh yes" I say, taking a sip on my drink, I feel Emily's eyes burning into me, and sure enough when I look I'm getting the mother of all evils, "This party is great" I say, grinning, JJ joins in, Anna looks like she's just been slapped by a wet fish, and I'm sure you can imagine the scowl on Emily's face.

Trouble in paradise, maybe?

Funny isn't it? I would have given anything to have spent time with her earlier today, and I gave up that time to have sex with Cook, and knowing that I've well and truly pissed her off, well, just adds to my satisfaction.

As I've said before, this is a weird situation. Emily whispers something to Anna, who scowls, but nods anyway. She stands up and walks towards me, grabbing my hand and successfully pulling me through the crowd. I try to get her hand off me, but the red head is most certainly adamant that she's getting me out of this party. I look behind me and I see a confused JJ who just smiles awkwardly.

In no time at all I'm at the bottom of the garden, in complete silence with Emily who looks immensely pissed off.

I'm starting to regret that decision now. "What?" I ask, crossing my arms, shielding myself from the cold. "Emily, why the fuck have you dragged me out here?" She stands there with her back to me, staring out into the darkness,

"Why?" She asks, "Why did you do it?"

"Do what?" She turns around, raising her eyebrows emphatically at me, "Why not?" I ask, shrugging my shoulders,

"Cause he's repulsive, he's a user, he's a slag and he doesn't love you"

"So?"

"So?" She practically shouts at me, she looks furious, "So? What the fuck has gotten into you? You've changed" She says the last part quietly,

"Excuse me?" I ask, astounded that she is saying that to me, fucking completely gobsmacked actually, "I've changed?"

"Yes, you have. You don't fucking call me anymore, you don't give a shit, you'd have sex with Cook when not even a couple of months ago you were telling me that you wouldn't have sex with somebody like that, you'd only have sex with someone you cared about" I laugh, and she obviously doesn't appreciate this, "How is that funny?"

"Funny? That's fucking hilarious, Emily" She frowns, "How dare you stand there and tell me that I've changed" I say, pointing to my chest, feeling the anger boiling to the surface, "Don't you fucking dare" I take a breath, not being able to look at her right now,

"You have" She says firmly,

"Fuck you"

"What?" Now she looks hurt, but she started this, so I'm gonna fucking finish it.

"You heard. You have the nerve to stand there and accuse me of changing when all I've done is had fun, yeah, I slept with Cook, and it was fucking fantastic, what is so wrong with that? Who gives a shit?"

"I do"

"Oh, that's funny... You give a shit, right?" She nods, "What a load of crap, you've fucking ignored me for the past month. You've found somebody better to hang around with, right?"

"No, it's not like that at all"

"You're a fucking hypocrite, you had a go at me when I apparently ditched you after a couple of days, it's been a fucking month Emily, please do tell me when the last time you spent more than ten minutes with me?" She looks ashamedly down at the floor, "See you can't even remember can you? She's fucking manipulating you and you can't even see. You can't see that all of us fucking hate her because she's taken you away from us, even Katie. Your own sister fucking hates that you're letting her"

"I love her" She says quietly, a tear falling from her eyes,

"More than you love your friends? I thought friendship was more important to you than relationships? Funny how it takes your first ever relationship for us all to see what a crock of shit that was" Her hand lifts up and forcefully wipes the tears off her cheeks,

"You could have fucking called" She says, hurt lacing her voice,

"Why should I? Why should I be the one to make the first move? Why?" I shout, "I tried, for the first week I tried, Emily. I rang you, I text you. They went unanswered, and if you did answer them, you were busy with her. I'm not going to keep hurting myself to make sure that you know that I'm still your friend... cause right now, I'm not even sure that I am" She starts crying harder now. Her tears were not stopping, "You know it" I say softly, "You've known all of this"

"I know"

"So why the fuck didn't you do something about it, are we honestly that dispensable to you?"

"No, of course you're not... you're my best friend Naomi, I don't know what I'd do without you"

"You've been pretty fine for the last month"

"No I haven't... I thought I was losing you... I knew I was losing you, ok?" She says, her voice exasperated, "I was scared... I didn't want to keep trying in case you left... I know how stupid it sounds... I do... Anna was there... Anna was saying that she'll never leave me, she'll always be here, I pushed you away... and let her in"

"Why?"

"I couldn't take it again... I couldn't take another friend leaving me..." she hugs herself tighter, "And you mean way more to me than that bitch ever did" She breaks down fully, and I can't help taking her fragile form in my arms. I hold her tightly, trying to calm her down. She grabs at my back. Crying on my shoulder, and I feel my heartbreaking for her.

I did this...

I'm not fully to blame... not at all, but I'm the reason for her crying so hard on my shoulder right now...

I should hate her right now... I should walk away and show her what she's done, what she's caused, but I can't... and I hate myself for that. I hate myself for not being strong enough with her.

******************


	12. Chapter 12

Sorry for the lack of updates over the weekend, Vodka and X Factor called.

I hope this makes up for it, thanks for the comments =] Not proof read, I'm too tired, so my apologies if there are any mistakes

****************

Chapter twelve

I feel the warm tear trickle down my face as my hands lift up to my mouth, trying to steady myself.

I watch as the scene unfolds in front of me, the sadness that surrounds it, even the music that is playing heightens my tears. I grab a tissue off the table in front of me, as I regain my composure on the couch I look to my left and I laugh, feeling more tears start spilling,

"Fuck off" Emily says, covering her face trying to hide the fact that she is also crying, "I've got something in my eye" She says, roughly wiping her eyes. I laugh harder,

"I thought there weren't any films that could make you cry?"

"There isn't..."

"Stop being so proud, it's ok to cry at a film" I laugh, slapping her,

"But its just so sad" She starts crying again, "he saved her, and then he leaves her... and when she says 'Ditto'..." You can understand my amazement when Emily was sifting through my DVD collection, picking up Ghost, turning and asking what it was. I had to pick my mouth up off the floor, needless to say I made her sit through it, telling her that its one of the 'weepies', she simply laughs, stating that 'only emotionally unstable people' cry at films. I sat there smugly as I watch her delve further and further into the film, but as I started crying, I forgot she was sat there. So immersed in the film, and then to see her crying, well. Needless to say I am very smug right now.

"I don't like you right now" She says, pouting,

"You're just annoyed that I'm right"

"Yeah, there's that too. But honestly, it's only because Patrick Swayze just died why I'm crying... just thinking we're never going to get to see him in a film anymore. That's the only reason"

"Right, so you're still standing by the fact that films can't make you cry? It's only the circumstances of the actors as to why you are crying now? Am I correct?" I feel an even more smug smile start on my face as she nods, sniffing away the remnants of her tears.

I don't say a word, I stand, walking towards my collection and grabbing another DVD, I show it to her, smiling smugly, she leans forwards, squinting her red eyes at the box, "What the fuck is Beaches?"

*********

A box of tissues later and we're sat watching some random documentary. It's been two months since our argument at the party, Emily has been spending more time with all of us, she balances us all, although Anna seems to be getting more and more annoyed at her doing this. "What you thinking about?" Emily drags her eyes away from the 'intriguing' documentary that I've left on,

"Anna's gonna be pissed" I smile, Emily rolls her eyes, "Trouble in paradise?"

"A bit"

"How come?"

"She's getting a bit... possessive"

"Getting? A bit?" I laugh, tapping her gently on the knee, "Aww honey, you're a wee bit slow" She scowls,

"Anyway, why do you think she'll be pissed?"

"Well, you've spent the last... Five hours here, she's text you numerous times, even tried ringing on one occasion and you've ignored her"

"I'm with you... she gets pissed if I ring or text you when I'm with her so why should I answer her?"

"She really doesn't like me, huh?" I laugh, masking my contempt at how Anna is with her,

"It's not that she doesn't like you" I raise my eyebrows, "Ok... she's just threatened by you"

"Why? Do I do something that offends her?" She laughs, almost hysterically,

"What do you think? Of course you do, you're my best friend, you know every single detail about me, you make me watch stupid films that make me cry when I try to not cry at them! You call me on my bullshit, all you have to do is a pull one funny face and I crack up laughing... of course she hates you... I'm happier when you're around" Fuck sake... does everything she ever says about me have to make my heart swell to twice its size? Honestly, does she know what she does to me, cause right now I'm suffering from a little shortness of breath, my mouths gone dry and my eyes are starting to wander to her lips.

Good job she is a little embarrassed at what she said, cause she's not looking at me right now. So I have time to assert myself, she looks up at me and I smile, widely, "Awww I love you too" She nudges me,

"You always have to ruin a nice moment don't you?" She laughs,

"Yup, it's my prerogative" Emily's phone starts vibrating on the chair arm, "Speaking of moment spoilers" I say under my breath, earning a light kick as she leans over grabbing her phone,

"I better answer it, she'll have lost all her hair now" She laughs, "Hey hun" She sighs as I can hear Anna asking her a thousand questions, "If you give me chance to answer you, I'll tell you where I've been" She looks at me and rolls her eyes, "Yes I am with Naomi, no I haven't been ignoring you, we've been watching films and I left my phone in the kitchen... I answered you now because we're in the kitchen having a fag..." Only a couple of lies, but in reality, if Emily was happy, she shouldn't have to lie.

The phone call ends abruptly with Emily being told that Anna needs to see her.

"Right... before you go, I need to ask you something? Why in the hell are you still with that girl, she is so possessive of you it's unbelievable?

"She's not that bad... She just gets jealous easy, and anyway, I generally argue with her about it all, and then we have amazing make-up sex" She grins widely, "If that girl was crap in the sack I'd have left a hell of a long time ago" She laughs, I roll my eyes to cover the pangs of jealously which are now coursing through my veins, she leans in, kissing me on the cheek, a thing that she does more regularly now, but I'm not complaining. Then she leaves quickly.

I sit for a little while, my foot anxiously tapping against the table leg. My teeth work away at my thumb as my mind tries to get rid of thoughts of Anna and Emily together... I get a sharp image which I don't care to share, but it causes my body to shift, my feet are now firmly together on the floor, my hands are resting just under my thighs, my body hunched slightly towards the table.

I hate that she's making me do this, I hate that I'm having these uncontrollable urges towards her, my body changes with one simple comment. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

"Cook" Without even thinking about it, my phone is pressed to my ear calling my one escape. It doesn't take him long to come over here. In fact, it's not even ten minutes and he's already knocking on my door. I open it to find him coyly smiling at him, I roll my eyes for the twentieth time today as I step out the way and let him in.

We barely even speak to each other when we are together, it's getting a regular thing now. He knows that sometimes I just need to escape from my thoughts for a while, and he gets to have his end away, so I guess its win win.

We both pull apart, our bodies sweating, our mouths panting, I turn and look at him, and burst out laughing. "What?" He asks, trying to catch his breath, but I can't stop myself, I can't stop laughing. I have absolutely no idea why I am laughing. He doesn't get annoyed, nor does he get angry, he joins in laughing, jumping on top of me, tickling me, trying to get me to answer him.

I can't, he jabs me in the side, my laughing now starting to hurt my stomach. "Stop, stop!" I shout, my hands scrapping with him playfully, he stops, holding his hand up, my laughing calms down, and I look up at him, he's smiling.

"Ok, now tell me what you're laughing at" He says, a hint of a smile still on his face,

"I really don't know" I laugh a little,

"Don't start again now" he smiles,

There is a small tap on the door which startles us both, Cook gets off me, putting his boxers on, I grab the sheet, wrapping it round myself, I walk to my bedroom door, opening it a little to see who's there. Prizes for guessing who...

"Emily" I say, catching my breath, I hear Cook moan, I turn and scowl, "What's wrong?" Her eyes are puffy, her breaths coming in short, her is a little messy and as she looks up at me I just want to give her the worlds biggest hug, she looks broken.

"Sorry... I didn't mean to interrupt" She wipes her nose,

"I bet" Cook says quietly, but loud enough for me to hear, I grab a book next to me and throw it at him,

"It's ok, what's up?"

"Anna and I... we split up"

"Oh, Em, are you ok?" Why is it when it is quite obvious that somebody is not ok, you always ask that stupid question,

"Not really" She sniffles the next set of tears coming in fast and thick, "I'll go, you're busy"

"No, no... I won't hear of it... let me get changed, I'll meet you downstairs in five, ok?" She nods before turning round, walking down the stairs, "Cook"

"Fuck off?" He laughs a little.

"I wasn't gonna put it like that, but if you don't mind" He pulls his top over his head, having already put his jeans on,

"I don't mind" He walks over to me, kissing me quickly, "I'll see you later, yeah"

"Ok... Cook" I stop him before he leaves, "Thanks" I smile, He winks at me,

"Anytime... Sort her out" He laughs, I nod.

*************

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you" She says, sniffing. I hand her a cup of tea as I sit down beside her,

"Don't be silly"

"I wasn't aware that you were still seeing him"

"I'm not" She frowns, "It's just sex every now and then"

"It's never just sex"

"It is for us" I take a sip, "So what happened?"

"I went straight there after I left here, she looked furious, like steam was gonna come out her ears, she started spouting off that I put my friends before her, and I said that I did, they've always been there, she hasn't, I'm not gonna make the mistake of putting her first again after nearly losing you. She started screaming at me, bitching about you, about Katie, about everyone, and I just lost it, I screamed at her back, started shouting about everything that bothered me, telling her I lied today, and she hit me..." She holds her hand out, as if she's still shocked, "She fucking hit me... slapped me right across the face, she shocked herself, immediately apologised, saying that she didn't mean it, she just got to frustrated, and shit like that... I told her its over, that I never want to see her again, and I walked out"

"Shit" I say, genuinely shocked, "I'll kill her" Now the anger takes over me, I lift her face up, inspecting it, and sure enough, she has a red patch on her left cheek, my fingers tentatively trace the line, "I'll fucking kill her" I say through gritted teeth, her pained eyes look directly at me,

"No you won't... but thanks anyway"

"I hope you meant it... I really do. Don't go back"

"Oh, trust me, I'm not. I guess I realised it earlier" I frown, "When we were talking and I said that I'm happier with you... truth be told I'm happier with anybody, even Katie, even with Katie _and _Danny" I laugh, "It shouldn't be like that, not really"

"No..."

"I still love her though" She says, breaking down, "Not as much as I used to, but it's still there..." I hug her, "I just know that if she were to ask me back, beg me, I'd struggle, I really would... I don't want to, but my heart might rule my head"

"I hope it doesn't, I really do... You deserve so much fucking better hun, So much" I hug her, holding her tightly. I try to hide it but I can feel the anger boiling inside of me... burning at the pit of my stomach, that bitch better not come into contact with me for a while...

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	13. Chapter 13

*************

Chapter Thirteen

The sound of her back thrusting against the lockers resonates through the empty hallway. I pushed her hard, my anger finally getting the better of me, she looks shocked, she looks hurt, but all I can see is the colour red flashing across my eyes.

My finger lifts up, pointing to her face, so close that I'm almost touching her cheek, "You listen to me now, and you listen fucking good" I spit out through gritted teeth, she swallows audibly, "You ever touch her again, and the least of your worries will be a fucking lock digging into your back, got it?" The tears start to fill her eyes, and I visibly cringe, "Don't fucking start that"

"I didn't mean to hit her, it's just..."

"Don't fucking speak to me, there is nothing you can say that is worth hearing" I start to walk away and I hear her laugh, I stop and turn around, staring at her incredulously,

"You don't get it do you? It's always been you... you have always been the problem... you're so fucking blind" She starts, the tears not subsiding, but her emotions definitely getting the better of her, I approach her, my hand lifting up, my palm connecting with her forehead, not hard, but not soft either, her head falls back against the locker with a loud thud,

"For a smart girl you're fucking stupid" I laugh at her, "We're friends, you pathetic little turd, friends, or do you not understand the meaning of that... understand this; talk to her, look at her, touch her, and I'll fucking kill you, you got it?" She nods quickly, I walk away, this time I don't look back.

I had to, I know I should have left her, left her to look like the pathetic person she is, but all those puppy looks she's been sending Emily, those sideward glances, trying to get her attention, trying to fucking speak to her... I lost it, and to see her smugly walk around campus without a care in the world, while I have to comfort Emily most nights, I lost it.

"What did you do?" Emily asks as I sit down next to her in the canteen, "Naomi, I can see it on your face"

"Nothing"

"Don't lie"

"I had a little word with her"

"What?" She shouts, "What did you say?" I don't answer, I know she'll get even more mad than she is now, I take a sip of my bottled water, screwing the lid on after, "Fucking answer me" She slams her hand on the table,

"Calm down" I say, the adrenaline still pumping away, "I just told her to stay away from you..."

"Did you hit her?"

"Not really"

"Not really?"

"I shoved her against the locker... twatted her forehead when she tried to blame me for everything" She breathes a sigh of relief, "Emily, it's been two weeks" I sigh,

"I know... I just need to get away from it all... I see her everyday here and it kills me..."

"No, you don't need to get away, you need to get over her"

"I know"

"I don't think you do" I say, losing my patience, fed up of hearing how much she misses her, loves her, all that shite.

"Hey, it's not as easy as you make it out to be, alright, what do you know anyway, you've never been in love" I laugh, which probably isn't the best thing to do right now, seeing as the person she is going to ask me about is herself... bollocks. "Oh, you have?"

"No" Not in the least bit convincing,

"Fucking Darren? You were only with him, what? Two weeks, a month, I don't even remember"

"No, it isn't Darren for your information" She frowns,

"Oh, you are fucking kidding me, it can't be" She says, her fork dropping onto her plate, "Cook?" Now I'm laughing hysterically,

"You don't get it do you, all me and Cook are is sex... that's all we do... have sex... we barely even talk to each other"

"It's never just sex"

"You've said that numerous times... but that is honestly all it is between us"

"I don't believe you" She says quietly, I glance around the room, trying to find him... he's usually in here... fuck. I look to my left, then to my right, and then I see him, in the corner chatting to some girls, I raise both my eyebrows up at her, and without saying a word I walk over to Cook,

"Can I borrow you a minute?" I ask sternly, he looks a little surprised at my tone, but obliges, he follows me back over to Emily, taking a seat next to me, "Cook, Emily doesn't believe that all we do is have sex... she seems to think that it's more than that" He laughs at the situation, I feel like laughing, but I'm getting too pissed off with all these comments about Cook lately. "Enlighten her please" His tongue falls between his teeth, and I know exactly what he's gonna do, and I panic,

"Naomi... I've been waiting for a moment like this actually, there's something that I need to tell you..." I gulp, "I'm completely and utterly in love with you, even though we've barely had about six conversations since we've met, it's just your hips, and that little action you do in the bedroom, it drives me insane" He practically howls like a dog, and I feel my cheeks blushing, Emily sits across from us with the biggest grin ever,

"Arse" I slap him, and he just laughs,

"Ems... I promise you, all me and Naomikins are to each other is a good time" he winks, "Can I go?" I nod, and he skips off.

"See" I say smugly,

"Why him though? I just don't get it?"

"Have you had sex with him?" She looks utterly disgusted,

"Eugh, no"

"Well then, you won't understand" I wink at her, and she has a half smile on her face,

"Sick..." She shivers, "Eugh, he gives me the creeps"

"You're just jealous" I laugh, throwing a chip at her, her mouth falls open, "You've been dying to know what I'm like in bed" I giggle, and she joins in,

"I wasn't actually, but I most certainly am now after hearing about your 'hip action'" She giggles loudly, and I feel my cheeks burn profusely,

"Bitch"

"You sound happy though..." She frowns, "I mean, when I broke up with the bitch" Oh, I forgot to mention, Anna is now known as the bitch, "I've never heard you like that" She says ominously, and I frown,

"I should hope not, cause that is a tiny bit stalkerish" She throws a chip at me,

"Twat, I don't mean that... I just mean, laughing, joking, generally having fun..."

"Thanks" I say, completely offended, "So I'm a miserable bitch most of the time?"

"Absolutely! It takes a hell of a lot of effort just to get you to crack a smile"

"That is so untrue" She laughs,

"Anyway... lets forget about it, ok?"

"Ok... forgotten"

It's times like these where I feel like nothing has changed... We are simply to two girls who met on the first day of college having a laugh, none of those other things matter when we are like this. Sure we have our small arguments, but they usually end with one of us cracking up laughing. We take the piss out of each other, score points, and are simply arseholes to each other... But I guess that's what best friends do.

In my world anyway.

****

Next month...

"Oh my god..." Emily moans, "I swear my vagina is shrivelled! It's so lonely!"

"Eeeeeeeeeeeew" I say as I try to find a top to wear for the party tonight. "That is gross"

"What? It's been fucking ages since I last had some!" I think it would be safe to assume that Emily is over Anna, she hasn't spoken about her for the last three weeks, but she has however switched her attention to her lack of sex.

"What the hell do you want me to do?"

"Well..." She purses her lips and winks at me, "Whatever you _want_ to do to me sweetheart" I launch a top at her face, which she catches impressively, but as I turn around I can't stop myself from mouthing 'Oh my god'. Even though she was taking the piss my mind is racing with a thousand scenarios and I can already feel my panties start to get a little damp. I let out an annoyed groan at _my_ lack of sex now. "Christ, just wear this" She throws the top at me, mistaking my sexual frustration for fashion frustration. I turn around and smile gratefully, "It's only another of Cook's parties, which while I'm mentioning the perverted bastard, please don't leave me to have rampant sex, it's my first party for ages..."now she's pouting,

"Ok, fine, I won't leave you, but I will if your shrivelled fanny finally gets some action"

"Hey, Betty is not shrivelled!"

"Eeeeeeeeew... that is just wrong, you name it?"

"Yeah... so?" I don't actually think she is taking the piss either, "What? Guy's name their cocks, why can't I name my mini?"

"Cause it's... wrong!"

"Whatever" She shrugs her shoulders, "You got any vodka?"

"Uh, try in the cupboard over there" I say, pointing behind me, but not pointing at the actual cupboard in question, as you do.

"Helpful" She sighs to herself as she starts looking through my abandoned wardrobe which I now use as a college work cabinet. "Oooh, you are a god" She says as she finds my secret stash.

My mother went through a phase of thinking I was turning into a bit of an alcoholic, so she'd confiscate any alcohol she found in my room, she never bothered looking in that wardrobe though, hehe. Luckily that phase is over with...

"Why thank you"

"Are you ready yet, its almost half eight" she says like an impatient child,

"Do you want some cheese with that whine?"

"I'm impressed, that was quite quick for you" She laughs, taking another swig of vodka, "I bet you've been saving that quote for when I whined next, right?" I hate her sometimes.

"Leave me alone"

"That would be a yes" She chuckles, "Come on!"

"I'm ready, Jesus Christ"

"No, it's Emily, but I could get used to that"

"Oh, fuck off"

****

"Oh my god, when did they get together?" Emily asks as we're getting a drink,

"Who, Effy and Freds?" She nods, "My god, woman. You are slow sometimes, they've been together for months"

"Oh... so that means your off the hook then" I frown, pouring more vodka into our plastic cups, "Cook"

"Oh, nah, she was never bothered about us... she's always loved Freddie" Emily nods her head slowly, as if realising finally. I chuckle.

Emily grips at my arm, painfully... "Ouch, what the fuck" She slaps me again, motioning for me to look in the same direction that she is. I glance around the room and finally understand why she is clawing at my arm, "Anna" I say through gritted teeth.

But Anna isn't alone, no. She's with a really pretty girl. I've seen her around college, Jessica I think her name is. I look at Emily who looks as though she's just seen a thousand kittens thrown into the back of a fur company van. "Emily, no." I say sternly. She grabs my arm and takes me out of the main room, walking into the garden where it's quieter. "Emily" I say, my stern voice still there, she panics, this much is obvious. It was inevitable for them to see each other, but I guess seeing her with another girl so soon after the break-up, well, opens healed wounds.

"Emily, you need to calm down" I say, holding her arm gently, "It's not the end of the world"

"It is though, she's already got another girlfriend and I'm here alone, fuck" She says, her arms thrown down by her side, "I'm gonna look pathetic"

"Emily, you don't even know that its her girlfriend"

"It more than likely is"

"Ok, fine. But anyway you came here tonight you pull yourself, you can still do that"

"Not with her here"

"Course you can"

"No, I can't... I'll be focused on her, and anyway, pulling a random stranger will make it seem like I'm trying to get back at her... oh shit, she's coming...." She panics even more. Her eyes darting about trying to think of something to do, some way of getting out of this situation, then all of a sudden her eyes are wide open as she's looking at me,

"What?"

"Kiss me" My heart stops, my mouth goes dry, my voice is no longer there, "Naomi, kiss me"

"Wha-"

"Quick, she's coming"

*************************


	14. Chapter 14

Thank you for the comments, and I really hope I don't disappoint. I see that most of you have commented on the whole prologue thing... that will become clear soon, I promise, but this chapter and the previous one aren't anything to do with it... I've yet to think of what is lol =]

I really hope I don't disappoint you all, but it won't be all sunshine and rainbows for a while yet =[

Let me know what you think please

****************

Chapter Fourteen

"_Kiss me... Quick she's coming"_ Oh holy fuck. Those are the exact words on my mind right now as she's staring at me expectantly, "Naomi, look, she is gonna be coming out that door any minute now, please just do it I'll never ask you anything ever again" She begs, and I panic even more...

The only thing I'm thinking now is do I really want my first kiss with Emily to be based on making her feel less of a loser in front of her ex?

She gets frustrated her eyes nervously glancing to the direction Anna is currently approaching, she looks at me quickly, and I stare at her nervously. I take a step closer to her, Emily's eyes still not on me.

She's breathing heavily as I try to plan this out ahead in my mind, but as she turns around it's as if she's in slow motion, her lips are only an inch away from mine, her eyes open wide in shock, but before she gets chance to adjust my lips are pressing against hers lightly. I feel her body shake with shock, but not even a split second later I feel her hand gently rest on my neck, sending a thousand shockwaves through my body. Her lips press firmly against mine and I'm lost.

I can't feel anything anymore, my beating heart calms, my hands steady, my lips stop quivering, the noise of the party disappears, all I can feel is her lips in mine, her moist lips pressing firmly but so fucking fantastically against mine. Her hand pulls me a tiny bit closer, and it's here that I feel my confidence start to grow. My mouth opens, my tongue brushing against her lips, I feel her shake again, but put it down to the shock of what I'm about to do.

She may seem hesitant, but she asked for this kiss, and I'm gonna give her it.

Her mouth opens, barely allowing my tongue entrance, but as I push its way through, both the tongues moulding into one this kiss changes completely. Gone are the nervousness of what we're doing, gone is the awkwardness, and replaced is a wanting at its most raw. Emily steps closer to me, her hips thrusting into mine. Her other hand reaches up holding my head in place as she deepens the kiss. Yes, _she_. I feel myself moan as she pushes me back a little, the back of my knees connecting with the small brick wall behind us. I nearly cave. I nearly fall back onto it, bringing Emily with me.

I don't care about Anna any more, I don't care about how awkward we are going to be with each other after we finish kissing, all that matters now is I've kissed her, I've tasted her, and fuck... I don't ever want to stop.

She pulls away very briefly, taking a sharp breath before her lips crash against mine again. My arms fold around her head, pulling her in even closer, the passion completely taking over me as this kiss doesn't seem like it's going to end.

I want to pull away, I want to see her face, see her eyes, she's never been able to hide what she's feeling, her eyes always show. I need to see how this is making her feel, because right now, I feel so much more for her than I ever have, I've fallen in love with her all over again, and a thousand times deeper.

Please tell me this isn't just to get back at her, that bitch. Please.

My once calm heart is now beating a thousand times a second, my stomach is clenching like I've never felt. This kiss is killing me. Like a drug, I'm already addicted.

It has to end though... I have to end it, I started it, I need to end it. I can feel the inner argument begin as Emily doesn't want to stop. But my arms now move from her neck, and push gently at her hips. Pushing her back. It's a struggle, with both myself and with her, I don't want to stop, and it seems neither does she.

But with one final strong push her lips are torn away from mine.

She doesn't look at me. Fuck, I need her to look at me. Her hand lifts up, wiping her now red lips, I need her to look at me now. I duck a little, my height now annoying me as I can't see her properly.

Her breath hitches every now and then as she finally moves her head, but she doesn't look at me, no, she looks at Anna, who must have walked past us, now walking away, staring back every now and again.

Her fingers tentatively rub against her slightly swollen lips, her eyes seem faraway, I miss her already... I take my lower lip into my mouth, sucking it slightly, a nervous habit, but also trying to get every last trace of her taste... She looks at me, a huge grin on her face, and I feel my heart stall, "You fucking star!" She says giddily before enveloping me in a hug. "That worked like a treat"

I knew it... I fucking knew it. That wasn't about us at all, maybe for me, but definitely not for her, I'm just a pawn in her game with Anna. I try not to let it bother me, I try so fucking hard not to break down right there, on her shoulder. I bite my lip hard, stopping the tears from coming. "Yeah" I answer her, even I could hear the emotion on my voice. But she doesn't notice it.

She pulls away. "Thanks wingman" She nudges me, "I'm gonna get a drink" She skips off into the party and I'm left outside, all alone and out in the cold.

How ironic.

I'm so stupid, such a fucking imbecile.

Somewhere deep down I thought that maybe if I did kiss her, that maybe she'd develop feelings for me, or she'd realise feelings, I don't know, I just thought it would have meant something to her.

Especially when it meant everything to me.

I feel a slight tear trickle down my cheek, but I'm quick to stop it, I'm quick to wipe away the intruder. "Oh fucking great" I sigh to myself as I see Cook walking up the garden.

"Alright babe" He asks, putting his arm around me,

"Not right now" I say sternly, his arm grips tighter, pulling me toward the direction he came from, "No, Cook, I said not now" I say, stepping away. His drunk eyes look at me softly,

"I saw..." He says quietly, "Come on" He puts his arm around me again. "Lets get you away from here for a little" He tries a reassuring smile, but he looks like a retard, it does however get a chuckle from me in my heartbroken state. Possibly the reason why I take my arm and wrap it around his back, letting him guide me to the bottom of the garden.

The house has a long garden, it goes a little downhill toward the bottom, but I don't mind, out of sight here. He sits down at the end, tapping the moist grass beside him, "Come on, talk to Cooky" he smiles, a spliff hanging out of his mouth.

I know I shouldn't... but I need to talk to somebody... I sit down beside him, he passes me the bottle of vodka he was carrying and I take a long swig of it, "Woah, calm down, I need you here for the conversation" He grabs it back off me, laughing. "So..."

"So what?"

"I'm not stupid Naomi... you're in love with her aren't you?"

"We've already had this conversation"

"You never answered" I don't answer him this time, "I saw the kiss, what was that all about?"

"Nothing... Emily wanted to make Anna jealous" He sucks air into his mouth quickly,

"Ouch, that's harsh"

"What, she deserves it"

"I meant on you"

"Cook" I warn,

"Look, I know that there is a reason you're fucking me... there is a reason for everything that happens, I also happen to know that you don't like me very much" He shrugs, "Which is ok" he takes a drag on his joint, "But I also know that the way you look at her... well, it aint friendship" My head bows down, "So if you want to talk about it, I'm here... Cooky is a vault when he wants to be... and if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine also"

"I don't know..." He doesn't say anything, he doesn't even look at me, he's waiting for me to let it out, and as much as I hate to say it, I'm feeling very tempted right now, "It's just... I don't know" I frustrate myself, "I think I do... no... I thought it was a small crush, but it's got bigger, and bigger, and now, after that" I point up to the top of the garden, "I know its bigger" I absentmindedly pick the grass beneath me, ripping it to shreds with my fingers, "I know it's never gonna happen"

"Why?"

"All I am to here is Naomi, her best friend... that's all I'm ever gonna be"

"Are you ok with that?"

"I guess I'll have to be"

"Well, no, you don't"

"Course I do"

"No... you have a choice, you can either sit here like a coward, ignoring your feelings, or do something about it" I throw the grass in the air and laugh,

"Well, I'm a coward"

"No you're not"

"I fucking am"

"Ok, fine... if that's ok with you, then that's fine, Naomikins, but I know you aren't"

"What if she doesn't feel the same?" I ask quietly, my biggest fears now coming out, now coming out to cook of all people, "What if she rejects me"

"So what if she does... closure"

"And things will never be the same again"

"As I said... it's your choice"

"If I tell her, I risk losing her, and if I don't tell her... well, I'll just quietly die" He laughs slightly,

"It isn't sounding good to me"

"Nor me" I laugh with him. We go silent for a couple of minutes, Cook still smoking his joint, me still murdering the grass, "Thanks Cook" I look at him and smile,

"Anytime babes, now are we done, cause I think I'm getting piles" I laugh as I stand up, smacking my bum slightly, trying to dry it off,

"We're done" I grab his hand and help him up.

"I'm always here babe, even if its just to talk" He winks at me. I lean in and kiss him softly,

"Thanks" I smile as I pull away. He grins and wraps his arm around my shoulder again as we make our way back to the party.

I walk back in to the main room of the party, trying to find Emily. I see Effy stood in the kitchen, pouring herself a drink, she lifts it up, motioning for me to come over while pouring me a shot of what appears to be vodka, "Hey" She smiles,

"Hey Eff, how's things"

"Great, you?" I nod my head, she passes me the shot and we both neck it,

"Oh... that's not vodka" I say, cringing at the taste, she laughs, only briefly, remember, Effy rarely shows emotion.

"No, sambuca" I open my mouth wide and breath out, trying to cool down my mouth,

"Nice, more please" I grin, loving the aniseed taste of it. We both neck another shot, and as we put the glasses back on the side, Effy points to the corner of the room and smiles,

"Looks like Emily's finally over Anna... about time that bitch was a moron, Ems can do so much better" I frown, and Effy again points to the corner of the room, my eyes follow, and I see Emily kissing the girl Anna came with... heavily.

Suddenly, I need more alcohol...

**********************


	15. Chapter 15

Just a short one tonight guys I'm afraid. I've had a really shit day and I just need to go to sleep.

Apologies cause this is a bit shit lol. After I get a decent nights sleep I will get better, I promise =]

As always, greatly appreciate the comments to all of you who take the time to. Cheers for always putting a smile on my face =D

*************

Chapter Fifteen

"Eugh" Possibly one of the worst things that can happen is when the person you don't really want to talk to for a while rings you, so when my phone vibrates against my desk, I check the ID, and that's the response the caller receives, I know I have to answer, so I take a breath, preparing myself,

"Emily" I try to sound chipper,

"Hello stranger" She elongates the last word, "Where the hell have you been?"

"Studying and finishing off some more coursework"

"Yawn, anyway, party tonight, you coming?" It's been a week since the 'incident' which I'm now calling it.

"Nah, not tonight... I still need to study, got a Politics exam in a few days"

"In a few days" She repeats, "Come on, don't be a bore, I haven't seen you for ages" She begs,

"No, not tonight, I'm really not ready for it, another night maybe" She sighs heavily into the phone,

"Is this about last week, cause if it is, there's no need for it to be weird, it was just a laugh"

"Yeah" I say completely unenthusiastically, "It's not about that, I'm just getting behind"

"Fine" She says losing her patience, "Don't say I didn't ask" I don't bother answering her, I just hang up.

Wrong?

Yes.

Needed?

Yup.

Just a laugh, she's completely taking the piss now. I've seen her once after the 'incident' and to be completely fair, after the initial first meeting the awkwardness died down, but it was still there.

To be honest, the way I'm feeling, with my heart shattered, I don't particularly fancy spending time with her taking the piss, flirting and completely ignoring what happened. It won't bode well for my heart. I think a little space is needed. Whether or not I'll get it is another matter.

I try to concentrate on my work, but I can't. It's been this way for the past week. If I'm sat still for a short while, my mind working away at college work, flashes of that party cross my mind. Flashes of the kiss and flashes of her kissing the other girl. And it cracks my heart every single time.

I cringe as another sequence flashes through my mind, I shuffle uncomfortably on my seat, trying desperately hard to concentrate on work, but it's useless... I throw my pen on the table in frustration. Grabbing a cigarette out of my packet I light up, I delight in the sense of calm it washes over me.

That is until my phone vibrates against the table again. I glance at the screen, 'One new text message: Emily'

Fuck.

My thumb anxiously opens the text and as my eyes scan I feel guilt. Guilt for something that I shouldn't feel guilty for, so my anxiety is replaced by guilt, and then quickly changed to annoyance.

'_I know you're avoiding me, I wish you would tell me what is wrong, it hurts me to know you're mad at me. If it is the kiss, I'm sorry, it meant nothing to both of us, I know I shouldn't have brought you into that silly game and I am really sorry, please forgive me, em xxx'_

It's like she's trying to hurt me. It's as if breaking my heart isn't enough, no. She wants to rip it out of my chest, squeeze it in the palm of her hands, throw it to the ground, stamp on it and put it back inside my chest upside down. I have a few long drags on my cigarette, placing it in the ashtray as I attempt to write an answer.

I know you'll have all done it, wrote a text, read it through and deleted it a thousand times, then trying again, only to repeat it. That is exactly what I'm doing, in the end I lose patience and send possibly _the _most pathetic text to date;

'_I'm not avoiding you, just real busy with college work, need some space for a little while to finish it all, I'm way behind. Love you, N x'_

I regret it almost as soon as a message flashes on screen saying 'sent'. Why did I have to put 'love you', why the fuck did I have to put that? I groan to myself. Going to my outbox, I re-read the message, over and over again. Coming to an annoying conclusion; No matter what she does to me, I'll still love her, I'll still bend over backwards to make her feel ok, even when she shouldn't feel that way. If I didn't put 'love you' in that horrid reply, well she would definitely think something is wrong...

'K' Oooh, she is pissed, she's furious, that is the reply I've just received. I press the 'reply' button and contemplate some form of answer to that. In the end, I exit and throw my phone onto my bed.

Am I possibly the only person in the world who cannot stand the letter 'K'. It's not the letter it's self, it's the fact people don't even try to hide that they are annoyed when they use it as a word. Am I missing the point? Is it too much effort to put an 'o' in front of that horrid letter? It would still gather the same response.

A further point: what a waste of a fucking text. A one letter text, honestly? Please somebody enlighten me!

I shake my head of this useless rant and try to get on with my work.

The plan worked, if only for about five minutes...

*****

Two weeks later...

It's official. Emily and I aren't speaking.

In fact we aren't even looking at each other, we aren't even spending time with each other. We no longer sit together in lessons, we no longer walk to school. Our friendship ceases to exist.

And it breaks my fucking heart a thousand times more.

I am completely to blame, this much I understand.

On the plus side, I'm all up to date on my work.

"What the fuck have you done to my sister?" Katie confronts me in the canteen.

"Excuse me" She stands there, hand on hip, venom written all over her stance. As if that is supposed to put the shivers through me.

"You heard"

"I haven't done anything to your sister, if she has a problem, I'm only here" I say, holding my hands out, showing her my empty table,

"You have done something, don't be a fucking idiot. She's miserable, she doesn't go out anymore, all she does is sit in her room, doing fucking work or crying"

"Aww, my heart bleeds, poor Katie has lost her partying buddy"

"You want a smack?"

"Is that a trick question?" I raise my eyebrow at her, her stance changes from venomous to pure hatred, her hand balls into a fist as she approaches me, I stand up, shoving my face in hers. "You really think a black eye could make me feel anymore shittier, well if you do... go right ahead" A delicate hand rests on top of Katie's menacing one, pulling it away,

"Just leave it Katie" Emily says softly, not looking at me, but I'm certainly looking at her, and all I can feel right now is an immense feeling of guilt.

Her eyes are puffy, they are bloodshot, like she hasn't had any sleep for a decade, her skin paler than normal, she doesn't look like herself, she doesn't look like the girl I fell in love with, and at this moment, I'm putting that entirely down to me. "You're fucking lucky" Katie says, pointing at me as they walk away.

She looks at me.

My heart breaks for possibly the twenty-third time this month.

Her eyes, those eyes that can't hide anything, just showed me how much of an absolute bitch I've been.

Sure, she broke my heart, quite a few times, but she didn't know she was doing it. I've known exactly what I'm doing to her, these past three weeks, I've known exactly what I've been doing, I've broken her heart. And I fucking hate myself for doing it now.

Like I said, I'll always love her, and I'll bend over backwards to make sure she's ok... even if that sacrifices my own heart.

How selfless am I eh?

I don't want to run after her, confessing my undying, uh, friendship to her, making a scene in front of all these people, these strangers, so instead I opt for the thing that broke up our friendship.

No, not a kiss.

A text. I grab my phone, hoping to god she hasn't changed her number in the last two weeks. I open the message and I type three little words which will hopefully explain everything; _'I miss you'_.

I watch her from across the room, intently. I watch as she grabs the phone out of her pocket, my heart rate picks up as she reads the text. My heart stops when I see a small smile stretch out her lips. She replies and I wait impatiently for the text to come through. The gadget vibrates in my hand and I'm quick to read it. _'I miss you too, can we make up, I miss my soft twat' _A relieved laugh falls out of my grinning mouth. I look up and I see her smiling sadly at me.

'_Come round mine tonight, I think we need a chat' _Is my reply. I watch her read it from across the canteen, she doesn't reply, she simply nods and carries on eating her lunch.

Even though we have kind of made up, we still have a lot of things to talk about...

*****************


	16. Chapter 16

Thank you so much for the comments and the well wishing, I am feeling a lot better today (mainly down to the beer =D) but as always you guys cheer me up. Hope I don't disappoint.

I am not an alcoholic, my friends are, I'm simply easily influenced XD.

*****

Chapter Sixteen

My nails that I've been trying to grow for the past three months have officially been bitten down to the skin. That is how nervous I am right now.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that we're going to sort things out, but I'm extremely anxious about how tonight's 'talk' is going to pan out.

I have deliberately gotten rid of all the alcohol out of the house. I foresee alcohol related bullshit chats, and that isn't want I want, or need, right now. There is currently a pizza in the oven, filling my house with the best smell in the world.

I check my phone for the umpteenth time this evening, hoping she's on time otherwise said pizza will be a bit black.

Finally! I shout to the heavens as the doorbell rings. I practically sprint to the door, making time to straighten myself up before I actually let her in.

I open the door and smile widely as Emily is stood sheepishly outside bearing food for tonight. I noticed the lack of alcohol. She manages a smile as she walks in, "Hey" She says nervously.

Fuck it... I grab her, hugging her closely, breathing her in. God I've missed her, missed her smell, a smell that is simply Emily. There being no other word to describe it. "Woah" She says at the unwarranted hug, but she doesn't shy away, albeit a little awkward with the crisps and peanuts she has in her hands, but hey, we manage. I let her go and smile. "I've missed you" She says, blushing slightly, "Is that pizza?" I giggle, Emily loves nothing more than food, and simply by having a pizza cooking, her senses are heightened.

"Yes... I didn't know if you'd have had tea or anything"

"Yeah, I have... but I'm always hungry, you know me" She smiles, I really hope this awkwardness dissipates soon, I don't like it. She walks into the living room, sitting down on her usual spot on the couch, although she doesn't do it with as much comfort as she always has.

"You can make yourself at home, you know. I'm not gonna bite your head off because you slouch on my couch" She laughs nervously,

"Why is this weird?" Straight to the point, I like it. "I mean, we've been best friends for a while and I've never been so uncomfortable in my entire life" She bites her lips, obviously cursing herself at her choice of words,

"Ask me" She frowns, confused by my choice of words, "Ask me what's bothering you, and I'll tell you, truthfully" If I can grow a pair.

"Why?" She hesitates, but I notice she isn't ready to leave her question at that, "Why were you avoiding me, and don't start that bullshit about your college work"

"Ok, ok." Moment of truth. "I was scared"

"Why?" Oh fuck,

"At the party, we were having a great time, getting ready, and then when we got to the party and you saw Anna, you completely changed, you changed into this nervous wreck, and it isn't you. I did, in a way, feel completely helpless. I mean what am I supposed to do when I've never been in that situation before?" Ok, a third of the truth, just the smallest emotion I was feeling then,

"Right" She says, obviously awaiting more 'truths'.

"Then you panicked completely... you went off your head, worried about being alone when she was with someone, all that... and when you asked me to kiss you..." I bite my lip, not able to look at her right now because I can't stop what is about to come out of my mouth, and I inwardly curse myself for being such a coward.

I put it down to having lost her for the last three weeks, I know what it's like. I couldn't stand to lose her forever.

"I was pissed off... a lot" She frowns, hard, "I mean, I'm your best friend, you said so yourself, and it just hurt me a little that you thought you could use me to get back at your ex, let alone what would happen if someone else saw us, all the questions we'd have to fight of, which in the end would announce your proposition to everybody, including Anna, I just didn't see what the point would be in us doing that" I cringe, hating those fucking words, hating what just came out of my pathetic mouth.

"There was an ulterior motive" She says, and I feel my mouth go dry, "I wanted to see what kissing you felt like" She said, with a laughter added at the end, I sigh, looking at her sternly,

"Emily" I say quietly, "I know you joke when you're uncomfortable, but we need to sort things out"

"Sorry" She looks to her hands, which sit upon her lap, twiddling aimlessly, "I know I shouldn't have asked you to kiss me, but I really did think that no harm could come from an innocent kiss. I mean, I never thought that a kiss would ruin our friendship, I thought we were stronger than that" she sighs, still looking at her lap, "I also know the circumstances weren't fantastic either, I kissed you purely so that I didn't feel alone... I kissed you to get back at her, and that's completely wrong... I just..." Her hands slap on her thighs gently, "Fuck" She shuffles, "I just didn't want to be the pathetic one, still not over her and there she was, stood there with another girl"

"You're not pathetic, Emily"

"Oh, I so am" She says, a harsh laughing masking her words, "Trust me"

"Trust me" I say softly, and she looks at me, "You are not pathetic, not at all. She is, and she knows it. She let you go... it was entirely her fault why you left and she knows it... if I met someone like you, well... put it this way, I wouldn't have to fight to keep you, I'd have never made the mistake of watching you walk away in the first place" She smiles widely at this, which makes me blush a little. Was that a slight confession? "It is completely her loss, Ems, and absolutely no loss to you"

"I know, I realise that now. I was crazy to even start liking her in the first place, there were alarm bells ringing all over the place" She laughs a little,

"It was technically my fault"

"If we're talking technicality, it was my fault for being a smart arse"

"Ok, ok, fine, we're both to blame" My shoulder leans into hers, nudging her slightly as we fall into a small fit of giggles,

"I'll accept that" She takes a few peanuts and starts eating them, "Right, so it's ok to assume that the kiss was a mistake, it shouldn't have happened, on my part because I shouldn't be so emotionally retarded..."

"And my part cause I need to learn to say no to you" She laughs,

"...Everything got blown out of proportion and we are both far too stubborn to make the first move, although ultimately knowing that one of us would... we still love each other and our offer of best friendship is still on the table... is that in anyway incorrect?"

"For me, no" I say,

"And me" she smiles widely at me again. Holding her arms out on the couch beside me, I can't resist falling into them as we officially make up. I can't help but think that we both fit perfectly in each others arms as we indulge in this rather long hug, "Lets forget about it now, ok?" Not likely, but

"Ok" I say. I feel her hug me even more tightly, her body leaning back against the chair arm, pulling me even closer. As I was sat cross-legged before it doesn't make this hug all that awkward, but my desire certainly does.

I feel her sigh against my ear as this very time consumed hug lasts that little bit longer, its as if neither of us want to let go. I move my head, my chin no longer resting on her shoulder, but my face nuzzled into her neck, taking in her scent again. Her arms grip at my back as she whispers, "I've fucking missed you" I smile against her neck. "Don't leave me again"

"I won't" I feel my lips accidently rub against her neck, but I also feel her body shudder as I say this.

I have to stop. Again, it's down to me to break up our embrace. My arms fall from her back and as I attempt to push myself off using the chair arm we come face to face.

Now I'm not sure if it's my mind playing tricks on me, but you could most definitely cut the sexual tension in this room with a knife. It's so thick and raw that it makes it hard to swallow. Our eyes meet and I see something in hers which I can honestly say I've never seen before. Something completely indescribable.

Her breath comes in short as it brushes against my lips, I feel my eyes flutter at this sensation. I can't stand it, I sit back in my position as she sits up. Clearing her throat.

Awkward...

"So now that we're back on best friend terms, are you gonna talk honestly to me now" She asks, looking at me intently, studying me, making me very nervous.

"What do you mean?"

"Cook" She says, and I roll my eyes,

"What is your fascination with him?" I ask, annoyed at how many times she asked me this,

"What?" She holds her hand up, "I just find it hard to believe that you're just fuck buddies"

"Why is that so hard to believe?"

"I'm not trying to pick a fight" she says, holding her hands up, "I just see it on you" She shrugs, "You like him"

"Of course I like him... I wouldn't fuck him if I didn't" She is visibly taken aback by my revelation, and I have to assert myself for getting so frustrated, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to come out harsh... I just don't know what else to say to you... If I need it, I'll call him and he'll be round, otherwise we don't bother with each other"

"But at the party" She frowns, "I saw you" Now its my turn to return the frown, "When I went to get a drink I was just coming outside with one for you too, and I saw you, walking down to the bottom of the garden, arm in arm" Shit, she saw... I can't help but notice a kind of... jealous tone to her voice. But then I suppose I did promise I wouldn't ditch her for Cook, guess without knowing I broke that promise.

"Yeah, he just wanted to talk"

"Talk?"

"Yeah"

"But I thought you didn't do that?" Fuck...

"Yeah, it was the rare occasion where he wanted to chat"

"Oh" She picks at her fingernails,

"Emily, if Cook and I were an item, do you honestly believe that you would be the last person to find out. Even if it were supposed to be some kind of secret that nobody was supposed to know, I'd still tell you and you know I would. It sounds odd, but it's an odd situation... I'm not hiding anything from you"

"Ok" She has a half smile on her face, "So long as you're not hiding anything, I don't like secrets and lies"

"I'm not hiding anything from you"

I know what you're all thinking, I know you're all calling me a coward, a big girls blouse, but I couldn't do it. I could profess my love for her when we were barely on speaking terms. I would have pushed us over the edge.

I'm not strong enough, I have never felt this way about anybody in my entire life, and to feel this way about the one person I couldn't live without... It just makes it all much more difficult.

There are people in my situation who would tell her, outright, just stand there and say 'Emily, I'm in love with you'. I don't deny that there are people like that, but I also don't say that I am one of those people.

I most certainly am not.

I couldn't stand here, risking everything for something which, I suppose, isn't that important. Sure I have deep feelings for her, but its clear she doesn't for me. I just need to try and get over those feelings, try and move on and then maybe Emily and I can go back to exactly what we used to be.

There are times when I love her so much that I am physically in pain, and there are other times when I just long to touch her... touch her in a way that a best friend doesn't, but there is one thing that I know for definite. After these last few weeks, I would rather be with her, hating life, that be without her and hating life.

Even if I'm without the one thing that I crave most...

It's an attainable quest: Falling out of love with my best friend, but I never said it was something _I _could do now did I?

**************************


	17. Chapter 17

Ok, right, so by my calculations we are about 8 months and a couple of weeks. if we aren't, well lets just say we are lol ;p Anyway, I did say almost a year :p Just to let you all know that possibly in the next couple of chapters we're going to be _seeing_ a little but more of Naomily... I know that I'm killing you with the suspense and the tension, but I'm just having way too much fun to give in yet =D

Thank you, as always, for your wonderful comments. I'm so glad you all like it, especially seeing as it is kinda based on my life... loosely

Unsure about this chapter... it's a little... upsetting, well to me, but I think the story needed a little change in it, or a twist if you would call it that.

***********

Chapter Seventeen

It's been a month and a half since our little 'make-up' chat. My plan hasn't worked as well as it ought to have.

Emily's been having a bit of a bad time at home lately, she won't tell me why, but she's currently living with us and has been for the last couple of weeks. I don't mind, she's much happier here, she gets on with my mum, and well, we just have a laugh all the time, but fuck... sleeping in the same bed as her each night is a fucking nightmare! I could simply scream at the thought of it right now.

She has kind of told me why she isn't at home anymore, why she couldn't stand it, but as a best friend should, I know that she's missing out a couple of details.

Basically, her dad has been shagging someone from his gym. Her mum is completely devastated and she can't cope with all the crying all the time, so she moved here. Her mum was blaming her for everything while Katie still remained the golden child.

"I don't want to talk about it" Was the only answer I could ever get out of her.

We've been a couple of times to pick up some stuff from hers, but she's always made me stay outside. I was willing to begin with, but it's just gotten to the point where it's annoying me. I respect that she doesn't want to talk about it, but she needs to.

She's not been herself, she's quieter than normal, if my mum mentions her mum she goes pale. Like it physically hurts her to think about it. It's got to the point now where we don't mention anything about her family.

Doesn't stop us wondering though, what could be so terrible that Emily had to leave at a time when her mother would have possibly needed her the most?

I'm not judging her, I understand she has her reasons, but I'm her best friend, I just wish she'd tell me.

"Fuck" she says, sitting at my desk while doing coursework, "Fuck, fuck, fuck"

"What's up?" I say, lying on the bed, doing my own coursework,

"I've left a book at home that I fucking need for this work"

"Have I got it?"

"No, you're not in that class"

"We'll go by yours to get it if you want"

"I'll have to" She says, either pissed off or completely scared of going home. "I can go on my own if you want" she says this every time we need to go to hers, "I mean you don't have to come if you've got work to do" Uses some form of excuse to try and stop me going,

"Emily what's so bad that you don't want me to see?" I ask, as calmly and as gently as I could possibly ask.

"Nothing... it's just you've got work to do"

"I could use a break"

"Ok, you can come then... just..."

"I'll stay outside" I smile sadly at her, and she appreciates this, breathing a soft 'thanks' after standing up.

The walk to her house is quiet. Chillingly quiet. Emily's hands wrap around her torso as the chill in the air gets worse.

It's only about two in the afternoon, but it's freezing. I walk quietly beside her, trying to think of something to say, something to help, something to comfort her, 'cause looking at her right now she's on edge.

We arrive at the Fitch household in record time, I think Emily wants to get this over and done with. She hesitates at the door, deciding whether or not to knock or just go in. She decides on just walking in. "I'll only be a minute" She says quietly, her eyes scanning around the house. I take a step right of the door, standing leaning against the wall, patiently waiting for her to come back out.

It's a good minute or two when I hear shouting. My posture straightens as I try not to listen to what's being said, it's not my place. But the screams are so loud that it's hard not to listen.

"You're useless... fucking useless... what are you even doing here? I thought I told you to leave"

"Mum" Emily begs, the

"Don't you dare" I feel a tear start in my eyes as I listen to this. I wish I could walk right in there and save her from all that... but the voices get quieter, until I hear a loud thud... My heart races as I grab the handle on the door, flinging it open, I rush to where I assume the noise came from and my heart breaks at what I see.

Emily holds her reddened cheek as she quietly sobs at the sight in front of her. I feel intrusive, I wish I never came in. Passed out on the floor is Emily's mum. The kind Jenna Fitch who was always welcoming to visitors, inviting people round for dinner, laughing with her kids... completely passed out on the floor cradling an empty bottle of vodka. "Naomi, get out" Emily screams at me, the tears pouring down her cheek.

I stand there, staring at this scene in front of me, not knowing what to do, what to say. I just stand there like a corpse. My mouth slightly agape as Emily starts tugging on her arms.

"Naomi" She says again, giving in, "I don't want you to see her like this" She wipes her nose, having giving up trying to move her, "Please"

"I'll help" I say softly. "Just let me help, Emily" She looks at me, her emotion completely draining her before she nods, only a small nod I'd have missed had I not been studying her. I walk over, grabbing Jenna's legs, Emily grabs her arms. We lift her, placing her on the sofa in the next room. Emily lovingly places a blanket over her inebriated mother. All I can do is stand and watch this heartbreaking scene.

Emily wipes away all her tears, before saying she was going to get that book. I follow her out of the room, feeling even more intrusive as I'm stood in this room with Jenna. I stand outside and wait.

Emily rushes down the stairs, clutching the book, she closes the door behind her, locking it and then we make our quiet journey home.

I don't ask... that was pretty self explanatory. We resume our previous places, her at the desk, me on the bed. My mind isn't on the work at all. I wonder how long it's been like this... how long Emily has had to put her to bed...

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you" She says quietly, her back to me.

"It's ok... really... I'm always here Emily, I'll always be here for you" I say looking at her, I see her sigh deeply,

"I know..." she sighs again, "It's been going on for a few months..."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want" I say softly,

"No, I need to"

"Ok"

"I think she knew... before she found out about dad. She's always liked a drink, you know a glass of wine with tea and then a couple before going to bed, but I never thought it a problem. She'd be at work all day and it was relaxing her, she'd never get drunk... then about three months ago it got worse. She'd start drinking as soon as she got in from work, which most days would be about 3 in the afternoon. I'd often come back from college and they'd already be an empty bottle on the side. She'd be drunk as she's cooking us tea... it got to the point where she would be sleeping it off while Katie and I cooked tea. We never spoke about it, me and Katie... but we both know it was hurting us. James didn't notice, too busy banging on about that fucking Gordon McPherson" She laughs, wiping her face, her back still facing me. "Then one night, James was at Gordon's house and Katie was out. Dad was working late again" She laughs bitterly, "Fucking wanker... I asked her... I asked her to stop drinking. I said I couldn't stand her being drunk all the time, that I missed her... she fucking hit me, saying that she's not drunk, she's not an alcoholic... I'm the devil child, she wished I was more like Katie, 'Katie never gives me any hassle, such a good girl' she'd say with a smile, before she scowled at me" We're both crying now... Emily completely crying her eyes out, but she still continues, "And then when she found out about that slag... that dad was leaving" She got out between sobs, "She swapped the wine for vodka, hiding it in bottles for work so it looked like water, she started walking to work, sipping vodka on the way... drinking it all day... if she'd see me, she'd tell me how much she hated me... why me... what did I do that was so horrible... I put her to bed every night, practically carried her up the stairs... I just wanted my mum back" I get up off the bed, my arm turning her shoulder, she looks at me, her eyes swollen, her cheeks tear stained, I pulled her up and hugged her, letting her know that I'm still here, that I love her, even if it's not comforting to her, she needs to know that someone is there. "I just want my mum back" She cried onto my shoulder, giving into the hug.

I hold her closely, feeling my own tears for her fall down my cheeks, hating myself for leaving her... hating myself for not being there when she was going through all this. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" I asked, "You didn't have to go through this alone"

"I didn't want to bother you"

"Emily, don't be silly, you wouldn't bother me, you're not bothering me" I cry a little harder, knowing that she's been through this by herself, not even speaking to Katie about it,

"I was embarrassed... I hated having a mother like that" She sniffs, "Fucking hated that I'd turned into the mother... putting her to bed, making sure she ate... even helping her to the fucking toilet, I was the mother and she the ungrateful child"

"It's not your fault" I feel her knees give way, and I try to hold her up but I can't, she breaks down completely, her knees connecting with the floor, mine following as we tumble down, like a house of cards. I'm still holding her tightly, telling her it isn't her fault.

****

A little later, the tears subsided, we ended up on the bed, Emily's back still to me as I held her closely, my arm draped around her stomach, holding her hand. "I hid it well, huh?" She laughs... getting back to her usual ways.

"Yeah" I say, rubbing soothing circles on her hand, "You didn't have to"

"I know"

"I'll always be here if you need to talk Emily, not meaning to sound like a broken record, but I will. No matter what. As you said, I'm you're soft twat" She laughs heavily, I join in for a little.

She moves her hand, lacing our fingers together, "I don't know what I'd do without you" She says softly, "I really don't" She moves our hands, looking at them more closely. I lean my head down, kissing her exposed shoulder gently,

"I'm not going anywhere"

I don't give a shit about my feelings anymore, I really don't. Right now all that matters to me is that this girl, currently holding my hand, never cries again. It's a tough challenge, but I'll devote most of my time to it.

I don't ever want to see her like that again, it's heartbreaking, completely gut wrenchingly painful to see... I'd do anything in my power to make sure she never feels anything like that again... anything.

*********************


	18. Chapter 18

Thank you for your comments, I wasn't going to update tonight as I'm at work in *checks watch* 6 hours... but I got inspired. And it's a long chapter

You're all gonna hate me when you read the end of this chapter, well either your hate will be directed at me or at Cook, hopefully the fictional character =D

I know you're all wanting Naomily action... and so do I! So I can guarantee that either next chapter, or the one after... we'll catch up to the prologue

Please do comment, I'll be reading them at 3pm when I get in from my shit day at work tomorrow lol... I'll need to be cheered up lol

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Chapter Eighteen

Emily is still staying at mine a month later. We don't really speak about her revelation last month, if we were to speak about it, it would have started with her.

There's moments when she could be laughing her head off, and she'd stop, a solemn look falls across her face and I realise that she's thinking about her mum. There are also moments through where she doesn't think about her, she's just happing being her, without problems.

She's told me a thousand times that she loves it at my house. Sure we get sick of each other every now and again, but either one of us would go for a walk or a long bath and that problem would be resolved.

It happens though, you spend every day, every minute with somebody, you're bound to get on each other's nerves. Thankfully she doesn't take it to heart when I tell her to fuck off. That's the beauty of our friendship, a friendship that is stronger than ever, and one that is starting to scare me a little.

I love Emily, that much is obvious to everybody but her, but I can't stand it anymore. Waking up with her arms wrapped around me, cradling me, holding me so tightly. We go to sleep with our backs to each other but when I wake, and I usually wake first, she is entangled in me. Hugging me, snuggling, even spooning sometimes.

I love waking up with her in my arms, but I'd love it even more if it was a willing snuggle, not one where I'm simply the warmest thing next to her.

A couple of days in the past month though, she has woken before me... and I've missed her. Waking up to her back rather than her face snuggling into my chest... leaves me cold, lonely and wanting her all the more.

I will relish in the feeling of her in my arms for a minute or two, then I would carefully manoeuvre myself out of them, practically forcing myself to, just to save her embarrassment.

As far as she's aware, it's only happened twice, because she's woken up first, every other time she's been in the same position as when she went to sleep. She doesn't know its because I put her there though.

This morning is different though.

I wake at half seven, like I usually do. Her hand snaked over my stomach, her head resting on my chest, her leg a little over mine and my arm wrapped around her. Like usual, only this time, as I said, is different.

A content smile spreads across my still half asleep face as I enjoy this minute, the minute I usually spend letting her hold me in her sleep, before I turn her over. I feel her hand skim across my stomach. I inhale sharply, panicking that she's awake, but it's then that I panic all the more... Her fingers start to draw a delicate pattern against my stomach, causing my entire body to erupt into goosebumps. I feel her breath against my chest, and I know she's not asleep, and she hasn't been for some time.

I feel a burning start at the pit of my stomach, a burn that doesn't end until my thighs. I try to breathe normally, but that little pattern she's drawing on my stomach is driving my body insane. "Morning" I say, my voice thick with sleep echoes around the quiet room. I've never seen anybody move as fast as Emily just did.

In one split second she has gone from in my arms to the other side of the bed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you" I say, sitting up, resting on my arms. Her face turns a slight red and I frown, she isn't looking at me, she's looking at everywhere but me. A nervous smile spreads on her face.

"Morning... sorry, you made me jump"

"Did I wake you?" I know I didn't,

"Yeah" I feel my heart sink... why did she just lie? Why is she visibly embarrassed? Why won't she look at me?

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, yeah... I'm gonna go get a shower" She says, rubbing her hand through her hair,

"Ok" I say to an empty room as she is gone within a second. "Weird" I say to myself... I don't allow myself hope anymore. I know exactly what you are all thinking, but why should I build up hope for us, to have it all knocked down within an instant.

Things have changed between us. We're more open with each other, but that doesn't, no it can't. It can't mean that there is anything more between us, anything other than friendship. Emily doesn't like me like that, she's told me so many a time.

Best friends. Yeah...

That's it.

Without thinking, my hands run across my stomach, as if retracing her steps, trying to ignite the same feeling she caused, using my own fingers. I know it's useless. It just helps me clear the image of warm water cascading down her face, falling off her perfect naked figure in the shower... her hands running through her wet hair. Her mouth opening, breathing in the warm air as the shower pours water down onto her perfect face, her lips parted, looking lusciously wet and inviting...

Oh fuck... now I'm horny. I groan as I get up, my foot connecting with the cold wooden floor, causing me to take a breath in shock.

I soon get used to the cold, better than a burning... yeah you get the idea.

I walk down the stairs, rubbing the last remnants of sleep off my face as I walk into the kitchen, my mother smiling at me. "Morning sweet" She says, taking a sip of her coffee, "Sleep well"

"You have no idea" I say under my breath as I flick the kettle on, and then grabbing two bowls out of the cupboard. Leaving one on the side for Emily when she's finished her shower.

I grab two mugs, putting two spoonfuls off coffee into mine, a sugar and a tea bag into Emily's.

"Emily in the shower?" My mum asks absentmindedly, thanks mother, more images of naked Emily making me even more horny.

"Yeah" I fill my bowl with coco pops, yes I know, I'm such a child, pouring the cold water on I watching eagerly as the milk turns 'chocolaty'. I sit down at the table next to my mum, stealing the paper from her and starting to read it.

"It's ok, I was finished" She says sarcastically,

"Good" I smile at her before taking a large spoonful of cereal and putting it in my mouth.

I read about the usual shit that is always plastered over the papers. Jordan, formally known as Katie Price, telling everybody graphic details of her sex life with the tranny, Peter defiantly telling the world what a fantastic father he is... yawn... I read about the latest politics scandal, this time relating to the BNP, I read with complete interest, as well, politics is a small passion of mine. When all that's finished with, and the 'latest revelations' at planet X factor, I flip to the problem pages, chuckling at the latest 'erectile dysfunctions' that Dear Deidre has to answer again. I pity that woman, she is forever answering the same tiresome questions about sex, threesomes, erection issues and last but not least, infidelity.

My mum says something to me, but I'm too involved in the paper. "What" I frown, looking up at her, only to realise that my mum has gone to work, Emily is sitting in her place and I currently have chocolate milk dribbling down my chin,

"Attractive" She smiles at me. I wipe my chin and smile,

"Sorry what did you say before?"

"It's like talking to a brick wall when there is a paper sat in front of you"

"I know, but I'm back to reality now, what did you say?" I ask, and she laughs,

"Exactly what I just said" She frowns, "Woken up yet?"

"Not really" I take a long swig on my coffee and smile. "Getting there" I glance around the room, frowning and starting to get agitated, "Where are my-" Emily points right in front of me, pointing to the packet of fags sat neatly with a lighter upon then, I smile goofily, "Oh"

"You're retarded in the morning" Emily chuckles at me,

"Fuck off, I know"

****

We're just leaving our very uneventful day at college as Cook comes running up to us, "Alright ladies" We both just smile at him, "Party tonight" He grins, and I roll my eyes,

"Is that all we do, just get absolutely shit faced and then do the same all over again?" I ask,

"Yup" He grins, "Although this one is a little different"

"Right..." Emily asks, "How so?"

"It's not really a party, more of a camping trip"

"Ooh, sounds fun" I say, "I love camping" Emily looks at me incredulously, "What?"

"So you up for it?" Cook asks,

"Yeah sure, if Ems is"

"I'm up for anything" She says, pulling her back onto her shoulder tightly,

"Fuck yeah" He says with an even bigger grin, "Ok so far we got Effy, Freds, JJ, me, you two, Panda and Tomo" He says, "You think you could ask Katie Ems?"

"We're not really speaking at the minute" She says sadly,

"Ah shit... it's ok, we'll not tell her about it, as much as I love Katie, she can be a bit of a fun sponge" We both laugh, "And I'd rather you two were there"

"Aw thanks Cook" Emily says sarcastically, "Well, we both know you mean Naomi" He frowns and then smiles,

"What ever you say Doll face" Emily cringes. Cook tells us the details, what we need to bring and when we'll be coming back. Effy is borrowing her mums car and driving us all up, it's only about an hour away apparently.

"You got a tent?"

"Yeah, but it's only a two person one" I say as we're halfway home, "That's all we'll need won't it, I'm sure everyone else will be bringing one.

"Yeah, I assume so... JJ will probably go in with Panda and Tomo, and it'll be Freddie and Effy in one, shit what about Cook?" Emily asks, "I don't want him in our tent, if I have to listen to you two shagging I'll kill myself" She says with a half giggle which wasn't convincing at all!

"Emily, Cook and I will not be shagging... I'll make him sleep in Panda's tent"

"Ok"

*****************

We got lost... a lot.

It was hilarious, I've never seen Effy stressed. Ok, scratch that, I've never seen Effy anything but smug, but that journey completely stressed her out. It was so funny to watch. We eventually got to the forest where we are apparently spending the night.

It's almost dark. But we manage to find the right spot before the darkness completely takes over. All of us are here apart from Katie. Emily feels guilty, but she also knows that Katie would have ruined her night and more than likely most of the others, so her guilt isn't so bad.

We all set up our tents as Cook attempts to build a fire. I've brought two pairs of thermal socks, a thermal hat, gloves, two pairs of trousers, three tops and a sleeping bag. To say that I'm assuming I'm going to be cold is possibly the biggest understatement of the century. Emily hasn't brought as much clothes as I have.

I hope she's thinking about snuggling. (Insert wink emoticon here)

With a lot of cursing, some arguing, shouting, our two man tent is officially up. Granted Freddie had to come and help as we were getting ready to punch each other. 'No it doesn't go there, that's not right Naomi, fuck sake, not there' Grrr.

It's dark as we start cooking tea by the fire. Sausages on sticks being thrust into the fire, some of us simply having marshmallows. It's fun. I've always loved camping. My mum and I used to go regularly, well, we used to go to protests, camp over, but it was always great fun. When she didn't get arrested...

Cook, practical as ever, dragged a few logs from god knows where, placing them by the fire. We're all sat on them, Emily and I on one, Freddie and Effy on another, JJ and cook on another and Panda and Thomas on the last.

Emily needn't have panicked about the sleeping arrangements, JJ brought a tent for him and cook, so it's two to a tent.

I don't know why but I'm feeling a little but nervous at the thought of sharing a tent with Emily. I don't know, it may be the confinement, or the fact we are in the middle of nowhere... but either way, my nerves are as evident as ever.

Emily is roasting a marshmallow on her stick while I'm picking at a sausage. "Here" She smiles as she pulls the blackened marshmallow out of the fire, holding the stick towards me. I smile,

"Yum" I say before blowing on the black thing, I bite cautiously, feeling the spongy texture and the sweetness melt against my tongue. I moan, I've always been a marshmallow fan.

Emily pinches some of my sausage, but I don't mind, I've just eaten her tea.

It isn't exactly stomach lining food, especially seeing as we've all brought enough alcohol to feed an army. I wasn't going to bring any, I wasn't sure on Emily's stance on alcohol right now, but she picked up on it, saying she doesn't mind, she probably wouldn't drink a lot...

Although looking at her right now that theory completely went out of the window, she starts drinking the vodka like she's been walking through the dessert for three hours without any water.

Almost half of the bottle is gone as she adjusts herself to the harsh taste. "Woah... that hit the spot" She says laughing.

Cook, Effy and Freddie are already high as a kite as they took some pills and have been sharing a joint for the past few minutes. JJ is talking to Panda about something. Thomas just playing with the fire.

It's a beautiful night, it isn't too cold, but then again I'm sat next to the fire. I grab the vodka off Emily and before long I am completely hammered. "See... this" I attempt to stand up, stumbling a little, "Is why you drink before you eat" I am slurring, but I don't give a shit right now.

I thought my tolerance of alcohol had been heightened since meeting Emily, obviously I am mistaken. "I feel dizzy" I say, sitting back down on the log. I see Emily's blurred face smiling at me. I glance around the fire, frowning, "Where is everyone?"

"Cook and JJ have gone to find mushrooms, the rest are in their tents" Emily says, her hand steadying me, "You are drunk"

"Hell yeah" I grin, "I'm sorry Emily, I'm fine... I don't need looking after"

"I don't mind looking after you... you've done it for me plenty times"

"What time is it?" Emily grabs her phone out of her pocket,

"One"

"Shit... that went quick"

"Usually does when you're hammered" She giggles at me. "Come on, lets get you to bed" She stands up, her arms reaching down, lifting me up by my arms.

I'm dead weight. I wouldn't say that I can't handle alcohol, I just can't handle alcohol on an empty stomach. Emily having to take care of another pathetic drunk. She leans me up against the tent pole, "Stay there while I open your bag" She says, pointing at me. She crouches into the tent, unzipping my sleeping back, before turning and grabbing my arms, pulling me towards her, "Crouch" She orders, and I do as I'm told. Pretty soon I'm being zipped up into my sleeping bag, but I grab her hand, stopping her,

"No, too hot right now" I say. She nods, slipping into her sleeping bag besides me. Our little light in the tent is switched off and we're forced into darkness. My eyes get heavy, my breathing evens out, and just as I'm about to fall asleep I feel something... I feel Emily's hand...

It doesn't make me jump, in fact I don't move... I can't move, I'm frozen to the spot as Emily's fingers gently rub against my face.

I daren't open my eyes, I daren't open them in case she's looking at me... Instead I do the cowardly thing; I let her touch me, enjoying every single second of it, while pretending to be asleep.

"Naomi" She whispers, "Are you awake?" I don't answer, I keep pretending... I hear her shuffle, getting closer to me, "You're so beautiful" She whispers, my heart almost explodes as I feel her breath against my skin. Suddenly feeling a lot more sober now. "I know you don't even know I'm saying this to you... you won't even remember anything tomorrow if you were awake... but I need to tell you something... I need to say it cause I can't keep it in anymore..." My breath hitches as I listen to her quiet, husky voice... "I..." She clears her throat softly, "I'm..."

"MUSHROOMS!"

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	19. Chapter 19

Can I just clarify things... This story is based between me and my male best friend... well the friendship side of the story anyhow... So my apologies in this next bit of the chapter if you don't find anything Naomi says funny, because Naomi drunk in this chapter, is me drunk... and I babble. A fucking lot!

Just a heads up lol.

Thank you as ever for the comments, and for all of those who have subscribed to my story in the past twenty-four hours, thanks for filling my e-mail a little and making me feel popular =D

**********

Chapter Nineteen

"MUSHROOMS!"

"Oh holy fuck" I almost jump to the roof of the tent as cook starts rocking it enthusiastically.

"I have mushrooms!" He shouts, unzipping the tent, coming in bouncing around full of energy as he sits in between Emily and myself, crossing his legs and placing the T-shirt full of mushrooms onto the floor, "Want some" He asks us both. Emily scowling at him, and me, simply trying to get my head around exactly what happened about thirty seconds ago, before Cook rudely interrupted Emily's 'confession', shouting about vegetables at the top of his lungs.

Is mushroom a vegetable?

Hmmm... Shit, focus.

Ok, Emily, stroking my face, telling me that she has to tell me something, she has to let it out, well I think it's safe to assume that I can definitely rule out the 'coming out' confession. That only really leaves one...

She's pregnant. I almost chuckle to myself. Completely and utterly amazed at how well I'm taking this mystery revelation. I also realise that once I sober up it's going to be a completely different matter.

Although, by taking this mystery revelation 'well', I'm still shitting myself on the inside, above my inner monologue bravado.

It's not so much the thought of her maybe, possibly, feeling the same way about me, that would make me the happiest person ever... It's the next thought that I'm struggling to cope with; What happens next?

If it is actually the case that she does have these feelings for me, and she wasn't just playing a prank on me just now, then what the hell happens next?

I don't expect us to fall into this fantastic relationship where everything is rainbows and butterflies. I don't think Emily and I could hold up that little fairytale picture for very long either, we'd end up bickering, hardly be anything like Cinderella and... Oh my god, I've just realised that there are no gay Disney characters.

That is just so homophobic! I must write to Mr Walt himself and complain.

"I gotta stop drinking" I shake those unnecessary thoughts out of my head while Cook and Emily look at me like I'm slightly retarded. "Oh, sorry, didn't mean to say that outloud?" They both shake their heads, Emily laughing lightly while Cook 'Cuckoo's' at me, I think he intends to imply that I'm losing my mind.

Maybe I am, because I actually got a little upset that Cinderella doesn't have a lesbian mistress. It's almost as if I'm... 'one of them'. No, not, a lesbian mistress, although, hmmm. "Fuck sake" I sigh sitting up,

"What the hell is up with her?"

"Drunk"

"Oh" Cook's head falls back,

"I am only here, arse... and I'm not drunk" That would have a much more profound effect if I didn't just pull a muscle while I tried to hit Cook's arm, and sensationally missed, while he is sat less than a foot away from me.

"Right" He eyes me up, "I'm gonna go see if the other's want some..." He stands up, his back hunched in the tent though, "I'll leave you guys..." He smirks, "Alone" I throw the nearest thing to me at him, feeling extremely pathetic when the sock barely cleared me, let alone hit him. I hear him laughing all the way to the next tent before shouting mushrooms at them. I do chuckle a little, come on, you'll never meet anybody like him.

"Finally" Emily breathes out. She makes herself comfortable in her sleeping bag, noticeably shifting back over to her side... "Are you going to sleep yet?" She turns her head, but not looking at me fully,

No, I'm waiting for you to finish what you were saying, "Not yet"

"Can you turn the light out when you're done?"

"Sure"

"Night" I sigh,

"Night"

I switch the light out, turning over in my sleeping bag, turning so my backs to hers and I feel myself relax a little, my mind still races over what she almost told me, what she almost confessed to... I realise something, I realise I need to fucking make a move...

Not now... not when I'm drunk... I need to do something... I can't sit here waiting for her, she might never tell me again. I can't risk it.

I suppose in my drunken state I promise myself something; All or nothing at all.

I just hope I stick to it...

**************

We've been driving for about half an hour now, most of the car is hungover, I'm included in that category.

Emily isn't, as she doesn't get hangovers. She's sat in the front, her eyes staring out of the window, a sad look written on her face. I remember the promise I made myself last night, and I feel myself wanting to stick to it. I feel myself needing to stick to it.

I don't know what to think at the minute, but that's the only clear thing running through my mind. Emily has been really off with me since we woke this morning. She was up before I was, she was dressed waiting outside the tent before me. Her heavy eyes telling me she hasn't had much sleep. Barely striking up a conversation, and if I were to mention something to her she'd reply in as little words as possible.

I feel guilty, and it's pissing me off because I have no reason to feel guilty, well no specified reason, other than an assumption on my part. She's making me feel guilty for something which isn't in my power to change.

Effy makes a pit stop at McDonalds for dinner, which we are all greatly appreciative of. We decide to go in rather than through the drive-thru. Emily is silent, she orders her dinner, a strong coffee and sits at the opposite side of the table to me.

I feel like I want to cry, it's as if I'm being held accountable for her almost confession.

I'm still adamant. When I find the right time, I'm going to tell her...

The way she is now, is making me doubt it. If our friendship is as strong as she says it is, as I feel it is, surely we can handle a love confession, if the other doesn't feel the same way, surely we can deal with it.

If not, I guess our friendship was never as strong as we both perceived it to be.

We queue for the toilets, Effy ordering us to as she isn't making any more pit stops. I'm waiting outside the only available toilet, the disabled one, waiting for Emily to hurry up. She came in first, and I followed after she left the table. The door opens and Emily emerges, her fingers gently rubbing at her eyes. She looks up at me, startled that I'm stood here, "Emily" I say softly, "What's wrong?" I know what's wrong, but she doesn't need to know that. Anyway I'm not feeling extremely romantic right now, so I guess spilling my feelings for her in a disabled toilet isn't really appropriate.

"Allergies" She says, sniffing, I don't argue, I just nod my head, giving her a quiet Ok as she walks past.

I do my business and within five minutes we are all ready to leave again. To be honest, the tension between Emily and myself is causing an atmosphere in the car, and I praise god when the car jerks suddenly as Effy puts her foot down.

We're the last to get dropped off, as we say bye to Effy the silence falls upon us again. Emily goes straight for a shower, I sit downstairs with my mum for a couple of minutes. "Good night?" She asks, sipping at her tea,

"Yeah, it was... eventful" The corner of my lips tug into a small smile,

"I don't think I want to know" My mum says, a worried smile on her face, "So long as you were safe" She says, with that look that only mother's have. That condescending look which immediately makes you want to spill all your indiscretions right there and then, but I resist, settling for a little chuckle,

"Nothing like that mum, rest easy" She sighs,

"Good"

"What the hell are you watching?" I ask, watching some orange bloke with bad style talk to some old people about an ornament,

"Dickinson's Real Deal" My mum says, as if its nothing to be ashamed of, like it's the most natural thing in the world to watch tango man at three in the afternoon. I roll my eyes,

"I'm off to my room"

"Ok hun"

I am shattered, I can't believe I never felt like this after I went camping when I was younger. My legs are doing twice as much work as normal in carrying my arse up the stairs. My aching arm lifts up, opening my bedroom door. I yawn as I walk in, ready to fall into my pit, but instead I'm stood looking at a uh... butt naked Emily applying moisturiser. I cough, turning round, and I hear her rustle, "Sorry" She says quietly. "I'm covered"

I can actually hear the throbbing from between my legs as I turn around and bravely inspect whether or not she's covered.

She is. Bugger.

I feel my cheeks burn as she smiles bashfully at me. I practically orgasm as I see my inviting bed sat there waiting for me to fall into it. My arms outstretch as I walk towards it, letting my body just fall onto it, "Oh my god, I've missed you" I say, smiling into the quilt,

"Such a strange girl" Emily says,

"Oh my, more than two words, I feel priviledged" I say, turning over and resting on my elbows, which I instantly decide against as they start to hurt, therefore falling back onto the bed, my hands resting on my stomach.

I turn my head to her as she smiles sadly again. I weigh up my options as she apologise for being arsy. "Girls" My mum shouts, "Just got to nip to work, I'll be a couple of hours, I'll get something on the way back for tea"

Oh my god, now I feel nervous. The house to ourselves, it's as if God has just made up my own mind for me. As much as I love that she's done that, I'd rather she would have consulted me earlier so I could have time to think of what to say.

Not like I'm expecting anything x-rated to happen anyway.

"I'm gonna take a nap" Great thinking Naomi... pass out!

"I think I'll join you actually... I didn't get much sleep last night" She scratches her head, having got changed into something more comfortable while I was day dreaming.

I get comfortable on my side of the bed while Emily climbs into hers.

I try to think, not of a line, that's not the right phrasing for this situation, but I try to think of something to say, something that isn't too nervous, to expecting, to accusatory... just something to start it off/

I hear her frustrated breaths and I decide, fuck it, the dumb approach is always better, "How come you didn't get much sleep?" I ask, quietly in case she's asleep.

"I don't know... Just couldn't get comfy, you know... then I had a lot of things on my mind"

"Like what?" I ask, my fingers crossing over my stomach,

"It doesn't matter now... just a moment of complete idiocy" Way to build the confidence Ems.

"So..." Here goes, "So you didn't mean anything that you said" Moment of truth...

Her body turns around slowly, her scared eyes looking at me, for the first time today. I lean up on my elbows, she sits up fully, her head towards mine, her fingers biting her nails nervously,

"I thought you were asleep..." She says, her eyes panicking, "I didn't mean..."

"Right" I say, looking down, looking away from her, "You didn't mean it" I feel my entire body ache, hoping, waiting for her to say that she did... that she did mean it, even though she never said exactly what we're both implying, I know she meant it...

"No... I was just drunk... I've been worried you might have taken it the wrong way" She says, her teeth still working away at her fingernails. I sit up, startling her a little, her hands fall away from her mouth, resting down in her lap.

Normally that would have hurt me... That she was just drunk... but I know she wasn't drunk, in fact she was probably the most sober out of all of us. And again, I feel a sudden surge of confidence as I look at her. I look right into those scared brown orbs, and I smile sadly, "So you didn't mean any of it" I say quietly, her eyes darting all over the place, "So when you brushed my hair out of my face" I lift my hand, doing the same to her. Brushing the damp strands of hair which had fallen into her face gently placing them behind her ear. I watch as her eyes stammer. "Like this" I watch as she takes her bottom lip between her teeth, biting down gently, "Didn't mean anything?" I shake my head a little, trying to get her to own up. I'm giving her all the access she needs... I'm doing all the work, she just needs to say three little words, 'it meant something' or another three words if she wants to floor me completely.

I study her as she unconsciously leans into my hand as I still gently rub her face. She doesn't stop me, she doesn't shy away. She's nervous, but if nerves were anything to go by I'd have left the room three months ago.

Nerves are good, it means that she cares.

Although she asserts herself. Her head moving away from my hand. My hand drops down onto the bed in such laziness. She shakes her head, still biting her lip, "Shame" I say quietly, my voice breaking as I can't stand looking at her like this much longer without acting on my insane lust which is enveloping my body. She looks at me, her teeth letting go of their prisoner, her eyes furrowing, "Cause it meant everything to me"

I couldn't stand it anymore, I couldn't stand her eyes trying to lie to me, I can read her eyes like a book, she does feel the same way... she wants me in the same way that I want her. So when she questions what I've just said, I don't even let her finish, I show her what I mean... "Wha-" Before she even finishes that word I've leant over, capturing her perfect lips with mine. My eyes close as I relish in the feeling of her allowing me to kiss her, even if it's only a chaste kiss.

I don't push my luck though... I pull away, my eyes nervously finding hers, reading hers, getting the next page of the chapter given to me.

We stare at each other for a little and before my tangled brain can even process it, she...

*******************

Hehe =D I know, not nice...

I've just had a really bad argument with my ex while writing this... fucking wanker... so I need to clear my head before I can finish this... let me know what you think please =]


	20. Chapter 20

Ok, we've reached our chapter twenty mark, and I'm amazed all of you are still reading this after having barely any Naomily action!

I apologise for leaving it where it was last night... I just couldn't think, I couldn't write, I just wanted to scream, can't believe I wasted a year and a half on that tosser!

Sorry, asserting myself now.

As always! Thank you so so so much for the comments!!! I really hope I don't disappoint!

*******

Chapter Twenty

We stare at each other for a little and before my tangled brain can even process it, she leans in slightly, her eyes nervously watching my reaction, we carry on looking at each other, waiting for one of us to make a move, but it never comes. She licks her lips, my heart racing at her still being here. She hasn't left, she's still staring at me, staring at my lips. I'm about to speak, I take a breath, opening my mouth waiting for whatever words were about to fall out of my mouth, but I've forgotten them, I can't remember... cause as I'm about to speak she closes the gap between us, her soft kiss pressing against my unexpected lips.

It's not urgent, it's not impatient, she's just killing me in the most fantastic way imaginable. My entire body shudders as her mouth opens, wanting to deepen the kiss, wanting to take this whole scenario further. I let her, I open my mouth. She breathes into my mouth slightly, her body unable to control it anymore.

Her hands lift up, grabbing my face gently, as she deepens the kiss I feel goosebumps erupt over every inch of my body.

Lust overcomes the both of us as she pushes my back onto the bed, straddling me as she continues to kiss me so passionately. Our tongues now longer belong to us, I can't decipher which is mine and which is hers, a patient kiss is how it started, but the urgency takes over. The need to take this further deepens.

I can't stand it. I can't stand it any longer. My mind is lost, there are no coherent thoughts that run through my mind as I let her kiss me, I let her take charge, her lips straying from mine, moving to my neck, I willingly turn my head slightly, allowing her access, but wishing I didn't straight away.

Her moist lips zone in on my pulse point. Her teeth bite down gently, her tongue rubbing against the incessant pulse, I bite my lip, trying to maintain the moan that I fear is about to come. She bites down harder, sucking, her fingers spread out on my neck, like a vampire, and I'm her willing feed.

"Fuck" I groan out, so loud, so deep that I feel my centre throb almost as quick as my heart does.

I need her, I need her right now more than I've needed anything in my life, but she stops. She sits up, a shell-shocked look spread across her face. Her panic stricken eyes dart across the room as her hand lightly wipes at her lips. I chance a look at her, and she is actually looking back, her panicked eyes change, to something almost like guilt. I sit up, confused at why she's stopped,

"We shouldn't do this" She says, now wiping her lips more roughly, "We shouldn't" Her eyes fall to my parted lips, my baited breath waiting for an explanation, waiting for her to finish it. But she doesn't, she sits on the now ruffled bed, one leg dangling over the side, and the other tucked underneath her.

She has a pensive expression that I'm getting very nervous about, "I better go" She stands up, stammering, visually having a battle with herself.

I'm frozen to the spot, I literally can't move. I watch her as she leaves the room, the floorboards creak beneath her feet as I'm frozen in the same spot, staring at the door in which she's just exited from, and I didn't even try to stop her.

For the next five minutes I stare at the door, somehow convincing myself that if I don't look away she'll come bursting through the door telling me what a fool she's been. But as I stare at my bedroom door, I hear another door slam... the front door.

Now I act, now I stand up, running to my window, watching Emily walk down the street, her arms hugging herself. I watch as she leaves me, leaving me completely broken, I convinced myself that she wanted the same things I did, I'm such a fucking idiot.

****

I slept for the rest of the afternoon, like a child, sleeping in the foetal position. It was one of three choices really, cry, chastise myself or sleep.

At least if I slept I'd forget about what happened earlier.

If only for a short while.

I wake fully at around 8pm. Emily still isn't here.

I want to ring her, see if she's ok, see where she is, the questions running through my mind, questions that only she can answer, they only add to my already sour mood.

I hate feeling like this. If only I'd have never said anything, if only I'd have forgotten about that night in the tent, forgotten about that kiss, forgotten her beautiful eyes, her dazzling red hair, her cheeky smile. If only I hadn't tasted her lips...

A thousand 'if only's but one certainty; I'll never forget anything about her.

If only I could...

****

I've barely moved from the bed for the past couple of hours. My eyes staring at the ceiling, staring at absolutely nothing at all. Re-living every single second when I had her. When she was mine.

"Hey" Her softly spoken voice echoes across this silent room. I sit up quickly, her sudden appearance startling me. I wipe at my eyes, trying to hide the fact I've been crying, but knowing at the same time that it's a completely pointless act. I can't speak, but then I don't think she's come back to hear me talk.

"There's some things you need to know" She says, staying in the doorway. As if walking into the room would hurt her. "Before I tell you what I need to say" Again, I'm silent. I listen, I watch as she tries to gather her words, trying to piece them together so that they sound right... "It does mean something to me... you've always meant something to me" She says. Her eyes lifting to the ceiling, trying to hide the threatened tears, "Always" She sighs, now looking at the floor, licking her lips slowly, "The way you make me smile, make me feel instantly better, just by being here, by showing up... I've never felt more comfortable with anybody than I feel with you, apart from right now" She laughs, and then instantly cringes, her fingers lifting up to the bridge of her nose, pinching slightly, "Sorry, I know you hate that... I just need to tell you a couple of things... I think you are possibly the greatest person I've ever met. The way you've been with me over the last couple of months, I've been hard to handle, I know that, but you not once gave up on me... even when I wasn't being honest... I pissed you off, I know that, but you never showed it... you have always been supportive, caring and just fucking amazing... I need you to know that" I nod, choking back the tears as I see her cry a little while telling me this, "But..." Now my stomach drops "I don't ever want to lose you... that would hurt more than anything in the entire world... You mean so much to me"

"You're not going to lose me" I say, my voice foreign, the emotion so thick that I shock even myself,

"I already am" She says, smiling sadly... her tears falling down her face. She's silent, I want to ask her why... but finally I'm starting to understand. I'm starting to finally realise exactly what she's talking about.

She knows... she's always known...

Silence fills the room as we both wrestle with our thoughts, with our words, our emotions. "I know you need to know" She clears her throat, "Know what I'm feeling" I look at her again, "But I can't answer that. My head is all over the place at the minute, I don't ever want to hurt you, Naomi. I just need to clear my head, sort myself out... sort everything out before I'll know, before I know for definite what I'm feeling"

"And until then?"

"That's up to you" She shuffles on her feet slightly, "I know it makes no sense, but I really do care about you Naomi, a fucking lot. And... I don't want to jump into anything if I don't feel one hundred per cent about it, I'll hurt you... I always end up hurting people"

"Ok" I don't know what else to say right now. I've never been more confused in my entire life, she says one thing, then says another, none of which corroborate with each other,

"I'll get my things" She says, finally entering the room. Walking towards the wardrobe,

"Where you gonna go?"

"I don't know... home" She says, shrugging her shoulders,

"You can stay here"

"No, it's ok"

"Emily... you can stay here" I say firmly, "I'd rather you were here than at home"

"I'll sleep on the couch" She says, not looking at me, but slowly dropping the bag she had started putting her clothes into,

"I've managed with you for the past three months... I'm sure I'll be fine" She smiles, but only a half one... "I need to get some air" I stand up, my hand falling on my forehead, pushing my hair back as I walk out of the room. Walking down the stairs, grabbing a cigarette and then sitting on the back door step.

I take a deep breath, lighting the cigarette. I should probably have let her leave, let myself heal, instead of listen to that speech about her being confused over her feelings. I knew that I should have told her not to bother being confused... I'd get over it.

I wanted so desperately to tell her that. To tell her that we can forget it, that we can be friends... Even though I know that that isn't possible... there is no going back now, and I know this. I saw the conversation run out before it actually happened, and not once did I say anything that I had imagined.

Instead i sat there as I felt my heart breaking, as I watched the person I'm emphatically in love with tell me those things, tell me that she has feelings for me, but she doesn't know what.

I sat there, and without a second thought, I let her break my heart, once again.

She built my hopes up only to knock them down.

Yet I forgive her again...

Love makes you do crazy things, insane things...

***************

I have an idea of where I'm taking this, but I just have to warn you that things get worse before they get any better. I write each chapter daily, so I may change my mind, but I can guarantee for all you patient folks that there will be a hell of a lot more Naomily scenes in the up and coming chapters.

I'm extremely tired, been up for the past eighteen hours, and I'm shattered. So I'm going to bed lol.


	21. Chapter 21

Absolutely shattered again today! Been up for nineteen hours this time! I'm not used to it! I'm a slob who thinks there is only one 11 o'clock in a day! I'm barely awake before then! (too many exclamation marks, but can't be arsed to go and delete them =])

No work though, just been looking after my 4 year old mini me niece and my 1 year old nephew... shouldn't even have done that as I fell asleep for half an hour... bad auntie! Anyhows, getting to the point now, I've been thinking all day about where I'm taking this story, and I have NO idea! So I'll just let my fingers do the work.

Thank you for the brilliant comments, love you guys!!!

************

Chapter Twenty-One

It's been another month. A whole month since that incident in the bedroom, since that little chat, nothing has changed... Nothing at all.

Ok, I'm telling you a little white lie, something has changed, we kiss a lot when we're drunk.

It's never me that initiates it, never.

I'm not complaining though, well not yet anyway. The way I see it, if she didn't carry some kind of feelings for me she wouldn't do, and say, the things she does when she's drunk, cause it's the time old tradition; alcohol the ever trustworthy truth teller.

It is weird between us sometimes. Those moments when you look longingly at the other, and you get caught, there is that small period where she will delve into the seriousness of those stares, of those fantasies that I have, those memories. She's quite happily jump in, but realises the water is below freezing and is out almost as soon as she's in.

I can't explain to you how I'm not mad at her, I can't explain how I don't think about what it would be like to be with her every minute of every day, and I certainly cannot explain how when it isn't weird between us we get on as if nothing has ever happened. It's as if those conversations and kisses never happened.

I don't know how it works, but I guess you just manage to adapt yourself to certain situations, adapt and manage. The pain is still there, I still feel it, but I'm used to it.

I'm going to sound like I need to be chased by the men in white coats, but I like having this broken heart, it's covered in TCP and plasters, but it also keeps me in my place, it shows me that not all people get exactly what they desire. It sets reality in.

We all have those fantasies about the people we fall for. I blame the movies. You get this notion where if you confess your unchanging love for that person then that is it, that is all you need to do and they will come running. They will drop all their problems, all the twist and turns that have entertained you throughout the movie, and somehow they make things work.

I had this preconceived notion where if I were to confess everything, she'd come running.

Instead she went running.

Reality soon kicked me in the fanny and punched me in the throat. I don't regret anything that has happened between us, not one minute of it all. In fact I'm happy things worked out this way. I'm glad that we're not sailing off into the sunset, sipping cocktails and talking about 'the wedding'.

I'm starting to learn that you can't just leap into situations where you risk to lose everything that is dear to you, if it happens, it happens... if it doesn't, well I'll still be spinning all this bullshit about why I'm happy it hasn't worked out.

I realise that that was extremely hypocritical, my logical side of the brain tells me to say all these things, makes sure that my inner monologue mentions this conclusion at least one an hour. I believe it yes, don't get me wrong. But the logical side of my brain is a hell of a lot less entertaining than the horny side.

Wow, I've had some good times with that part of my brain.

Yeah, but anyway. I'm happy with the way things are going, although I seethe with insane jealously when I see Emily kissing another girl.

That's the one thing I wish we had discussed. I'd ask now but I don't want to risk sounding like the depressed loser just waiting for Emily to realise that she wants me so bad.

We never discussed what happens with other people. Ok, I know we aren't dating... we haven't even had sex, but we kiss.

Ok, I sound like a geek, but it isn't just you're average kiss. It's the absolutely amazing wet dream kind of kiss. I have never felt more alive than when her lips are on mine. My entire body comes to life, _every _single part.

So as I'm thinking about all of these there are about three hundred drunk people dancing around me. I'm currently in the kitchen of whatever crack den we've just crashed. Emily is standing across the room, getting very up-close and personal with a, for lack of a better word, whore.

My blue eyes turn a shade of green and it's easy for everybody in the room to tell who I'm looking at, and not to speak to me unless they value their head attached to their body.

That is except one person. "Fuck off Cook" I say through gritted teeth, he smiles at me, "Fuck. Off" now smiling wider, I feel the anger inside me boil. He grabs my hand, pulling me up the stairs of this crack den, kicking a random couple out of a room, and closing the door behind him. He has two beers in his hand.

"Talk to Cooky" He smiles,

"I told you to fuck off"

"Naomikins, look at you... your face"

"That's physically impossible for me to do right now... there are no mirrors"

"She's killing you... and you're letting her"

"What do you care?" I ask, feeling conscious, feeling nervous, wary of what he knows, wary of what he's getting at.

"I care a lot... actually" He says, no hint of a smile, no shade of a smugness, just honesty. I look at him sadly, "Oh god, not like that. I mean you're fucking gorgeous babe, but Cook's heart is still locked away" He smiles, "I do love you, but not like that, so don't panic"

"Phew" I say, wiping the imaginary sweat that almost burst onto my forehead,

"Big head"

"Dick head"

"Dyke"

"Oh, don't"

"Homophobic dyke?" He asks, taking another sip of his drink, is he gonna give me that fucking beer or what? Parched over here.

"No, I just don't like that word. Anyway I prefer the term bi-curious"

"Honey, you left that stage about six months ago, you are a proper lesbian now"

"I am not"

"Prove it" He smirks at me,

"Cook, I am not going to shag you to prove a point, so don't even try it"

"Yes you are" He smirks again, causing me to.

"I hate you"

"You love me"

"No, you're a good shag, and a good friend" I say, raising my eyebrow,

"So it's a goer?" Fuck it, what have I got to lose?

*************

I get changed while Cook starts rolling a joint.

I feel guilty. I feel like I've cheated, I feel dirty. "You alright babe?"

"Not really" I say, hugging myself tighter, feeling the sudden need to take a shower...

"Emily?" I don't say anything, I hang my head down, "If it's any consolation... she was watching you like a fucking hawk when I brought you up here" He laughs as my head snaps up,

"What?"

"Are you gonna tell me what happened?" He takes a drag on his joint, and I feel a little better, I don't know why... possibly because I have nothing to feel guilty or dirty about... I walk over to the bed, sitting down and taking the joint out of his hand, taking a long drag.

I tell him everything that's happened, everything in the tent, in my room, the last month where we've been making out when we're hammered. Everything.

"She's playing you for a fucking fool" He says, almost showing a little anger in his voice, "She's having her cake and eating it" I take another drag of his joint, "She's pulling whoever she wants, when ever she wants, and she still comes back to you, cause she knows you'll always be there"

"It's not like that"

"Oh, it's not is it?" He asks, sitting up, "So tell me, how do you feel when you see her kissing another girl?"

"Hurt, angry, jealous"

"Do you tell her this?" I shake my head, "Do you stop her coming home to you and trying it on?"

"She doesn't try it on"

"Naomikins, she's waiting for you to take it further... a kiss is fun, yeah... but if its with somebody you are guaranteed to see again it generally leads to more"

"It's not like that" I say again, quietly, he holds his hands out, almost punching his chest in an act of machismo,

"I'm Cook... the king of the casual fuck"

"That's sad" I say, laughing,

"Well, I am. I know the rules babe... I know exactly what Emily's doing"

"You're wrong"

"You may think that now, but you'll come to realise it" He sighs, "What does she think about you seeing other people?"

"I don't know"

"Cause you don't see other people" Not a question, a statement, "Apart from me" He smiles smugly, "Look, I bet you a bag of weed that when you leave this room Emily will be somewhere outside the door. I bet that she'll be pissed, that you'll probably argue..." He holds his hand out,

"I won't bet" I say,

"Cause you know you'll lose"

"No..." His eyes motion to the door. I stand up, walking over to the exit. But Cook follows me,

"Watch and learn babe... just play along" I frown, but as I open the door Cook grabs me, spinning me round. His half naked body presses into mine as he pushes me slightly into the corridor. His rough lips kiss mine urgently. His hands holding mine.

I play along, I know Emily isn't stood in the hallway, I know she's not waiting for me. He pulls away, smiling. "I wish you'd have bet, I'd have had some more weed" He says quietly, "See you later sexy" he says louder this time. I frown as his eyes motion to my right, and sure enough, she's stood there.

"Have fun?" She asks, her arms crossed, her shoulder leaning against the wall, every part of her screaming pissed at me.

"What you doing here?"

"I was looking for you downstairs, Effy said you came up here with Cook"

"How long have you been stood out here?"

"Long enough"

"What do you want me to say, Emily?"

"Nothing, you don't need to say anything"

"So why are you so fucking mad at me"

"I'm not mad at you" She sighs, "We're only friends"

"So why are you acting like a fucking jealous girlfriend... don't you dare" I approach her. "Don't you fucking dare" Her body backs up against the wall, a startled expression on her face,

"I'm not jealous"

"Oh really?"

"Really"

"Right, so let me get this straight... it's ok for you to fuck anybody... but I'm not allowed"

"I never said that" I get closer to her,

"Look at you, you're fucking seething, you can't stand that I've just slept with him, you can't fucking stand it"

"No, I can't stand it" She shouts,

"But it's ok for me to watch you with other girls?"

"I never said that"

"No, but you act like it" I start to realise that maybe Cook was right... "You have the best time don't you... you get to have a mindless fuck with some random girl, and then come and crawl into bed with me... knowing that I'll do anything that you say... knowing that I'm in love with you... you have the best of both worlds, right" She looks shocked, her mouth parted, her eyes wide, "What, I'm wrong am I, go on, I'd love to hear this, tell me how I'm wrong?"

"You're in love with me?" I laugh bitterly,

"Are you that stupid?" My anger taking over me completely, "Are you that fucking stupid... what did you think last month was about? Why do you think I'd put up with all the shit you put me through? Why do you think I'd stick around when you hurt me every fucking day? Why?" She doesn't answer, she looks to the floor, a look on her face like a puppy who's just eaten your sofa,

"I didn't think it went that far..."

"Oh, I feel better now... you fuck over people who like you, as well as those who love you... sorry, my bad" She stands up straight, her eyes burning into mine. Her hand reaches for mine, but I pull away.

I feel the intensity of her allure, I feel myself give way, "Don't be like that" She says, her face leaning in closer to me, I feel myself subdue, "I'm sorry..." she says quietly, leaning in fully.

But she kisses fresh air, I pull away from her, and when I'm not there to accept her kiss, she looks completely gobsmacked, "You are not allowed to do that to me right now" I say, and she smiles, "You think an apology is gonna make everything go away? Well you know what?" I stand further away from her, "Fuck you"

And with that, I'm gone.

***************

Not proof read as I'm literally falling asleep right now... bed times me thinks, night all


	22. Chapter 22

Thank you for the comments as always! You all rock! Some of you have commented on why she keeps going back to Cook, well I'll clear that up in this chapter. You may not like it, but I'm speaking from personal experience lol, most of this story is part of my sad, wretched life...

I honestly mean it when I say I have no idea what I'm going to write as I open up a new word document. I generally sit staring at a blank page, smoking, sometimes drinking... and the words just come. I have no goal to each chapter... it's the first time really that I've been like this, I've written stories for years, but I've always figured out the ending before I write the beginning. If that makes sense, this one is just rambling. But I am sooo happy that you all like it! I will try not to disappoint, but as I said, I don't know where I'm taking this lol.

Please keep feeding my ego with your amazing comments! Lol

Btw. I'm pissed off, so that might reflect in this story lol.

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Chapter Twenty-two

I've never been more pissed off in my entire life. My entire body is shaking with anger. I leave the party after our argument. I walk down the street, my fists clenched, my eyebrows creased, my lips tight. My house isn't too far, so I feel myself calm.

The argument repeats in my head. How can she have the fucking nerve to be so jealous, she doesn't want to be with me, she made that perfectly clear, why does she have to keep fucking with my

head?

I understand that it was partly my fault, but I wouldn't have fucked him if she wasn't such a fucking coward.

Why does she kiss me when she's drunk? Why does she snuggle up to me in her sleep? Why does she flirt with me endlessly? Why is she acting like a fucking bitch most of the time?

All these questions, and more, need answering, but right now if I were to see her, I can't be held accountable for what I might do. I am seething, I have never been more angry.

My stomach twist and turns as I remember her words.

Ok, so my anger has ran away with me. She didn't actually speak that much, it was me who did the talking, but she couldn't answer anything that I asked her, she was so ignorant of my feelings, the one person she's told me she can't be without, she's so ignorant that she didn't even know the extent of my feelings for her. Everybody can see that I'm crazy about her.

Everybody can see, why can't she? Why does she keep hurting me, when she knows damn well that she is doing just that?

She jumped into it with Anna, why am I so different? What is so wrong with me that she can't even be completely honest with me?

I growl out loud. Not even realising that I've done it. I do a quick 360 to see if there are any people currently running away from me right now, but luckily nobody witnessed my slight outburst.

I'm a couple of minutes away from my house. Oh god, what's going to happen now? My thumb lifts up to my teeth as they start gnawing away nervously, Is she going to go back to her mums?

Now I feel guilt, I hate that I'm in this situation, I'm living with her, I'm in love with her and right now I fucking hate her.

Yet I know that I have to get along with her. I can't let her go back to her mums, I don't know what she'd do. But as I round the corner onto my street, I see her sitting on the pavement outside my house.

How the fuck did she get here so quick? I've practically sprinted home.

Ok, irrelevant.

I try to calm my anger, but the closer I get to her the more I hate her. How can you love someone and hate them at the same time?

I'm about ten feet away from her when I stop. I look at her, her sad brown eyes staring back at me, and then I glance to the door. Weighing up my options.

I opt for the door. I walk away from her, but I hear her shuffle, I cringe as I know she's going to stop me from going inside. "What" I say, anger written all over my voice, "What do you want?"

"Can we talk?"

"No, we've done enough talking" I say, taking a step forward, but she runs around me, standing straight in front of me, her arms stubbornly crossed against her chest.

"I'm not moving until we get this all out" I sigh, "Why did you sleep with Cook?" She asks,

"You have got to be fucking kidding me" Anger rising again... "Emily, change the fucking record"

"No" She crosses her arms tighter, "I know you're hiding something from me"

"That's fucking rich... after all the things you hide from me you have the nerve to ask me this?"

"We'll get to me in a minute" Her voice is calm, her stance, however, is anxious, "Why?"

"Why do you need to know so desperately?"

"I just need to know" I'm silent, I don't even look at her. But she loses her patience, "Tell me now or I'm walking away forever"

"Because he wants me" I shout at her, and she takes a step back, "Do you know how much it fucking hurts to love somebody that doesn't want you, to want all these things with somebody who is too busy fucking whores... No, you don't. So don't you dare judge me for what I do, don't you fucking dare. You have no idea" my voice cracks, but my anger remains, "I fuck him 'cause he wants me, and you wanna know the hilarious part of it? It makes me forget you for a while" Suddenly, I don't want to be here anymore I walk to the door, walking past her,

"Don't you have anything to ask me?" she says, following me as I'm approaching the door,

"You know what? I'm beyond caring right now" My hand rests on the door handle, ready to open, but she grabs my wrist. I turn and look at her, a determined look on her face,

"I said no"

"Let me go inside" I warn,

"No"

"Emily" I warn harder,

"You can get angry, you can hit me, push me outta the way, whatever, I'm not letting you go inside until this is sorted out" I realise that she means it. I realise that there is no point in even attempted to go inside, she may be small, but she's vicious when she wants to be. I walk away from the door, sitting on the porch steps. I reach into my bag, grabbing a cigarette out and lighting it. She sits down beside me, playing with a shard of wood she found on the ground.

We're silent, she hasn't said a word, and I feel my annoyance getting higher and higher. My nice warm bed is calling me and I'm being kept out in the cold. "fucking talk then"

"I don't know what to say" I sigh, aggravated,

"Right, I'll go in then" I make an attempt to stand up, but she pulls me down. She looks at me, her eyes sad, her face a little pale, she licks her lips, leaning in slowly, but I look away, I take a drag of my cigarette as I can still feel her eyes burning on mine.

I hear her laugh very quietly, I don't look at her, I wait for her to speak something. "You don't get it do you?" Not a question, "You scare the fucking shit out of me" She throws the shard of wood onto the path, "The absolute shit out of me" She says as an afterthought,

"Cause you're scared of losing me" I say,

"No... I'm scared of keeping you" Now I look at her, and I frown, "I'm scared of what's going to happen between us... I'm scared of fucking it up, I'm scared of pushing you away" I sigh, taking a long drag on my cigarette, "You mean more to me than anybody in the world, but the truth is... I'm not good enough for you, not even close. I didn't even know how I felt about you until you kissed me. I thought I wanted you to kiss me to get at Anna, but when you did... I forgot everything. I've never felt anything like that before, and it scared me. I could see it scared you too. After it finished, I needed to get my thoughts together, I just needed to get away otherwise I'd have kissed you again, so I went to get a drink... I was happy" She smiles, "I was happy for the first time in a fucking long time. I felt like everything was finally falling into place with me. Like maybe I'm not so alone as I had once thought, and I came back outside, and you know what?" She laughs again, "I saw you, walking arm in arm with him... and it hurt me. It hurt me more than I dare say... more than I dare admit" She picks at one of the potted plants beside her.

I need another fag... I've only just put mine out and I need another.

"After everything that's happened to me, I put a wall up, I didn't let anybody in... not even Katie, but then you came along and I took a chance... but now I know that you are possibly the only person that could hurt me the most."

"Why don't you give me a chance? I might surprise you"

"No, you won't... It'll end badly"

"Jesus... I'm not like everybody else that's fucked you over"

"I never said that"

"No but you're implying it... while we're being honest, what goes through your mind when you're fucking other girls? Do you think of me, do you laugh at me, knowing that I'll be off somewhere tending to my broken heart?"

"No, I'd never laugh at you" She says, her voice adamant,

"Right, So you don't care about me then? You don't care how much it hurts me seeing you lower yourself to fucking a random girl at parties, it's not even that it's not me you're fucking that bothers me... I'm jealous, yeah" My voice gets angrier, "But its that you feel you need to hook up with the resident slapper at a party, a girl who doesn't even appreciate you, doesn't even fucking know you, doesn't know exactly how great a person you are, when you're not being a prick... somebody who is just looking for, I don't know" I scratch my nose, turning away from her, "An experiment, a quick fuck, a fumble" I laugh, "You deserve so much better than that" She looks down at the floor, "And I have to pick up the pieces, like I had to do with Anna, who by the way was the fucking devil! I had to be the perfect friend to you, I have to be the person you could turn to, to comfort you, to tell you that you deserve better, that you are better... but I couldn't tell you that you should be with me... I had to watch you with _her_, I let you pull away from me for her... I didn't deserve that"

"I know you didn't"

"So why the fuck did you do it" I almost scream at her,

"I don't know" She stands up, following me as I back away to the door, trying to make an escape, "I don't know why I did it" She shouts at me, "Anna fucking hated you... I suppose she knew... she knew everything about us, and I don't know... I chose her, and I regretted it the minute I did"

"So I'm that dispensable, am I?"

"No, you're not" She carries on walking towards me, my back hits the door. My hand resting on the handle, "You are not like that at all" She stops in front of me. Her eyes changing, "Tell me again" I frown at her. Her eyes close briefly, "I need to hear you say it when you're not angry" She takes a final step towards me, and I realise what she means, I clam up, I feel the nerves overcome me, my mouth goes dry...

"I love you" My entire body is thrust against the door as she crashes her lips upon mine. Her hands are urgent as she lifts them to my neck.

I feel myself cave, I feel every inch of my body set alight as she kisses me deeply, she doesn't need to give me an answer. This is her answer.

She pulls away briefly, her eyes scanning mine, I smile, "But I fucking hate you sometimes" It's not malicious, but she understands. She smiles, leaning in again, but I open the door, stepping away from the kiss,

"I hate you too" She smiles. Watching me stand in the hallway. I know it isn't the desired words that I was after, but 'I hate you too' has gained the same reactions as the opposite would have.

She walks towards me, my hands wrapping perfectly around her waist. The urgent kiss doesn't get any calmer as she directs my body to the stairs.

I know she's moving me, but I lose all track of where I am. My ankles crash against the bottom step and we fall onto the stairs, Emily somehow straddling me, but the kiss doesn't break.

I can't believe it... in one night We've gone from jealously, anger, hatred, love and now lust...

And you know what? I don't want to stop...

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Just a pre-warning while I remember... I will probably not be updating on Friday and Saturday... Pub time. I'm working all day, and when I finish work I'll be going straight to the pub for a nice cold pint! And Saturday, well obviously is Halloween! Lol. I'll make it up Sunday though =D


	23. Chapter 23

Thank you for being so patient with my boozy weekend. I am still quite pissed... which is funny as I haven't had a drink since about 6am lol. My liver is definitely pickled. Absolutely fantastic weekend.

I tried to make it all up to you patient folk with this chapter, but just let me warn you, I am a novice at the sex scenes... it is not one of my high points, so I apologise if I knocked all your hopes down =[

Anyway, down to business...

WARNING: Contains Sex Scenes... Must be 18 years or older to read... if not, keep quiet about it please =]

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Chapter Twenty-three

I don't ever want to stop kissing her. The way I can taste the small remnants of alcohol on her lips, but she also tastes sweet.

We haven't moved. Our bodies still moulded together, lying in a heap on the stairs. "Ouch" I say between the kisses, "Ow, ow" I push her up a little, she looks at me worryingly, "My arse" I say, sitting up, "Ow... It hurts" She laughs wholeheartedly as I lift my bum off the floor, my now bruised arse that I fell on. I sit back down on the step, shifting my weight off the bruised cheek, Emily now sitting beside me. Her eyes, so sad, yet happy at the same time. She bites her moist lip as her body turns to mine.

I feel my heart grow tenfold. I never thought that anything could make me as happy as how she's looking at me right now.

She's looking at me as if I'm the only thing in the world, I'm unknown to her, but at the same time she yearns to get to know me. Her hand lifts up, diligently brushing against my cheek. I lean into the soft touch. My eyes fluttering shut a little.

Her fingers delicately trace the outline of my face, Emily's pupils growing with each stroke.

My skin tingles where her fingers have touched. They stop, hovering over my lips, as if unsure how they would be welcomed. She bites her lip again. Her thumb gently brushing against my wanting lips. My lips that are aching to be kissed again.

Her hand stammers, and I take it in my own, kissing the back of her hand gently, I stand up, looking down at her expectantly, she looks nervous. She looks completely scared actually. My hand is still in hers. I give it a soft tug, motioning for her to stand up. To follow my lead as I take a step up the stairs.

She follows, her hand squeezing mine firmly, for her comfort only. I know exactly what I'm doing.

I lead her to my room, stalling a little at the door, not knowing why. The stall only lasts a couple of seconds, but Emily notices this. I lead her into the room, closing the door behind us. She stands staring at me. My back barely an inch away from the door.

I stare deep down into those penetrating brown eyes. She's observing me, testing the water, so to speak. Her eyebrows furrow ever so slightly as she takes a step towards me. I bite my lip, nodding, giving her all the permission she needs to do what she's thinking of doing next.

Her fingers pull at hem of my top. I take the hint, lifting my arms up. She pulls the top off me, her eyes growing wide as she eyes my chest. A small smile creeps onto my lips as she nervously approaches my heaving chest. But her confidence grows. My back falling against the door, trying to gain some form of balance as her fingers brush against my collar bone. They continue on their small travel, working from my collar bone, to my shoulder, following my bra strap down to the cup, and then lightly running her finger across my breast.

I can't take it anymore. I can't take anymore of her teasing. In a split second I've gone from leaning against the door to straddling her on the bed.

I have no idea how I got here. Completely a blur. I look into Emily's eyes and all coherent thoughts are lost. I lean in, kissing her passionately, kissing her like it's the last time I'll ever kiss her. Her hands scratch down my back lightly, earning an eager groan from me. She pushes her weight, reversing our current position. She leans up, her eyes looking down at mine.

I don't know what I was expecting from her... I've imagined this moment for god knows how long, this passion fuelled moment that I've craved, but my imagination doesn't quite fit. I imagined us ripping the clothes off each other's backs. Having rough passionate sex, orgasm after orgasm... Ok, we haven't got that far _yet_. But still, this is much, much better. Slow, sensual, erotic, passionate, caring.

And she's barely touched me yet!

I feel the throbbing between my legs intensify as she lifts her top off. Her bashful eyes looking away briefly before gaining confidence. She looks me square in the eye, her eyes are so dark, the darkest brown you could possibly imagine.

This is the moment that changes us forever. She leans down, kissing my lips tenderly, before moving down. Her lips kissing every inch of my torso, slowly working its way down to her destination. Her confidence has grown immensely since the start of this, her fingers work at my jeans button. Skilfully unzipping them, pulling them down, throwing them aside.

Her fingers work up from my feet, drawing light patterns against my skin. My back arches as I feel her breath against my inner thigh.

Fuck, I'm so close already and she hasn't even taken my underwear off!

I feel her fingers at the top of my thong. I feel her eyes on me, I feel her wait, waiting for my hands to stop her, waiting for my voice, waiting for anything.

But it doesn't come. I let her. I feel her short breath against the bottom of my stomach, her fingers grab at the tiny garment, pulling it off slowly.

Oh fuck...

I feel so inexperienced, I don't know what to expect. I don't know what to do. I lie there, my breaths panting, my mouth dry, my eyes wide. I feel her hover above me, leaning down and kissing me. Feeling her body on top of mine. The kiss deepens, her hand resting on my neck. She bites my lip, pulling it towards her, biting down carefully, but so fucking sexily. My eyes roll into the back of my head as she carries on kissing me.

I'm too involved in the kiss that I don't notice her spare hand moving to where I so urgently need her. But she stops kissing me. I frown, opening my eyes and I see her looking intently at me. I'm about to speak, I'm about to ask her what's wrong when... Oh fucking Christ!

She pushes two fingers inside of me. Her eyes watching me, her eyes watching me writhe with pleasure, with relief. My hips jerk up towards her. And she continues watching me. Her fingers pump slowly at first, gaining rhythm, Her hips in line with her hand as she thrusts against me, my breath coming in fast and shallow. "Fuck" I say, my back arching again, she captures my lips again. Groaning into my mouth. I feel my eyebrows crease as she picks up the pace. My voice now a strangers as the groans, the moans, the 'fucks', the 'my god's' take over.

My hands grip at the quilt, needing something of substance to hold onto as I'm nearing. My head falls back against the bed, my body suddenly losing all sense. My arms flailing off in random directions. Her fingers continue, working away so perfectly, until I almost scream with pleasure as she curves them. A light sheet of sweat covers both our bodies as we both moan into each other's mouths. She looks straight at me, watching, waiting yet again. With one final curve I feel my walls clamp around her fingers... I feel my entire body shake in ecstasy, my breath stops, my heart gives way, my eyes roll into the back of my head as I experience this toe-curlingly amazing orgasm.

She doesn't falter, her eyes watch, taking it all in, taking me in. I bite my lip, trying to suppress to silly grin that is dying to break out. I finally open my eyes and look at her. She has a smile on her face. She retracts her hand, using it to balance herself. "Fuck" I say, trying to gain my breath, gain my composure... trying to look anything but completely and utterly fucking satisfied, but I know that it's a useless task. She giggles a little. Her hand lifts up, wiping the small beads of sweat that have formed on my forehead, she leans down, kissing my moist lips ever so tenderly. Her tongue darting out briefly, licking my lip before she pulls away.

"I love you" Oh fuck me... best orgasm ever, followed by the most important three words anybody has ever said to me, flooring my already limp body completely, "It's always been you... It just took me a while to realise it" I lift my head up, kissing her deeply. I don't need to say anything else... this moment is far too perfect as it is.

******

We fell asleep. Me sleeping in Emily's arms this time. I fell asleep with a smile on my face that I fear won't disappear for a few days. I had some preconceived notions about how this was going to go, if it was ever going to happen, and let me just say... I still haven't caught my breath.

Nobody has ever made me feel like she did, nobody has ever touched me like she did, and I consider this my first time.

The other's can't even shine Emily's shoes in comparison. What just happened to me is something that I will remember until the day I die, it's something that will always be with me, we didn't fuck, we didn't shag. We made love.

I completely understand how corny and cringe worthy that sounds, I really do. I always thought it was saps who called it that, that there was absolutely no difference between fucking and making love. Yet here I am, telling you that I made love... with a girl.

Yes, it's all very new to me, but I can't deny that it feels right, that it feels like all the other things that have happened to me, has just been me fumbling to where I am today, to who's arms I'm currently in. I've been fumbling my way to Emily. Everything is so clear right now, every single thought running through my mind has never been clearer.

I love her, I am completely and emphatically in love with Emily. And she loves me too.

But as I think that, I feel my stomach drop, I feel a little panic set in... I don't know why, but it's followed by Emily's phone ringing from her jeans pocket. She shoots up, her eyes thick with sleep as she gets out of bed, searching for her phone, "Katie" She answers, her voice sleepy, "What?" She shouts, "Where are you? I'm coming right now" She hangs up.

"What's wrong?" I sit up.

"It's mum" She says, her voice starting to sound tearful, "She's had an accident... they're at the hospital" She rubs her fingers through her hair roughly, "I gotta go... I'm sorry"

"No, no... it's completely fine" I try to reassure her, "Do you want me to come with you?"

"Do you mind?" I shake my head quickly,

"Course not" I sit up, grabbing some clothes and throwing them on. "Do you want me to wake mum, she could give us a lift?"

"No, it's ok... it's not too far"

"Ok" She doesn't seem to panicked, as if it's a regular occurance. She grabs a coat, putting it on. She looks in the mirror quickly, running her fingers through her ruffled hair.

"Ready?" I nod, following her out the room. I leave a quick note for my mum as Emily puts her shoes on. And we make our way to the hospital... god I hope everything is ok.

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	24. Chapter 24

Thank you sooo much for the amazing comments, I was nervous with that chapter, very nervous, and you guys are all fantastic!

Right, onto this one... I have struggled a lot with this one, been sat staring at my laptop for the past half an hour, smoked about six fags, trying for the life of me to make the prologue fit.

It quickly came to my attention that when I wrote that prologue, it was obvious that I didn't know where I was taking it... and now I've gotten to the point where i need to catch up to 'real time' I guess, I struggled. I've changed it slightly, but only slightly, and I'm not sure it fits, but that's an error on my part, so I'm apologising =[ sowi.

The best I can do I'm afraid....

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Chapter Twenty-four

I'm sat in the waiting room as Emily speaks to one of the nurses, trying to find out what has happened to her mum. I nervously chew at my fingernails, hoping to God that it isn't anything serious.

Emily is relatively calm, she is anxious to find out what has happened, but she isn't panicking, lord knows if my mother was rushed into hospital I'd be pacing back and forth.

I see Katie walk down the corridor. I stand up, walking toward Emily. She spots her. She doesn't move, she waits for Katie to get to her. Katie's tear stained eyes become clearer the closer she gets. "What happened then?" Katie sniffs,

"She's got a fractured wrist, a broken leg and she split her head open"

"Jesus Christ" Emily says, her head looking away from Katie, "What the fuck happened?" She looks back toward her.

"I don't know" Emily frowns heavily,

"What do you mean you don't fucking know? You must know"

"I wasn't there... I was at a party and I came in and she was in a heap at the bottom of the stairs"

"So she fell?"

"I don't know... Maybe"

"Well either she did or she didn't" Emily gets agitated, Katie just looking remorseful, "You know what she's like Katie, you can't leave her when she gets into the states that she does"

"Well you shouldn't have left"

"Fuck off" Emily says, quietly, but with so much disdain on her voice, "You expect me to stay when it was me who had to put her to bed, me who had to look after her, _me_ who got all the abuse from her" Katie looks to the floor, "You did nothing and she was forever praising you... fuck, you weren't even there half the time, you don't know half the things that I've seen, that I've heard... that she's done. None of it... you just buried your fucking head and expected me to deal with it, well I'm not doing it anymore, that's it... I'm through" Emily uses her hands as emphasis as she walks away,

"She asked after you" Katie said quietly.

"What?" I feel like a spectator, it isn't my place... I shouldn't be stood here watching, But as Emily walks back towards Katie she grabs my hand, holding it tightly, holding for support I guess, or maybe to stop her doing something she'll regret.

"She asked after you... just a minute ago, that's why I came out"

"She need somebody to look after her?" Emily says, her voice cracking,

"No. She misses you, we all do"

"How can she miss something that she wishes never existed?"

"She didn't mean any of that Ems, none of it" Emily laughs,

"Well she's a fucking good liar" I squeeze her hand, Katie looks between the two of us, frowning,

"Ems" Katie says softly, "Please, just go see her"

"Why should I?"

"Cause she's your mum, and no matter how much you hate what she's turned into, deep down you still love her, you still care about her, otherwise... why are you here?" Emily looks to me, as if asking what she should do, but I know what she's going to do anyway, so I don't say anything, I let her figure it out.

"Ok"

"Ok what?"

"I'll go see her" Katie smiles slightly, "But on my own"

"I'll wait here. You've both got a lot to talk about, she's in room 227" Katie walks towards the waiting area and sits down, waiting for me to join her, I go to, but Emily pulls me back,

"Wish me luck" She says, a half smile on her face,

"You don't need it" I smile encouragingly at her, leaning in I kiss her softly on the cheek, "You'll be fine"

"Thanks" She smiles sadly at me before letting my hand go. I walk and sit next to Katie, both of us watching as she walks down the corridor, her walk slow, nervous. We watch until she enters the room, out of sight.

"What's going on between you two?" Katie asks, and I feel myself swallow a large lump of 'fuck' that has formed in my throat. I clear my throat,

"What you talking about?" Katie smiles at me,

"I'm not thick"

"I don't know what's going on"

"But you've shagged?" I nervously glance around the rest of the waiting room, suddenly anxious at how loud Katie is speaking, "I'll take that as a yes"

"Can you keep your voice down?" I warn her,

"Ashamed?"

"No... I just don't want you blurting out my private life to complete strangers, especially when I don't even know what's happening myself"

"Hurt her and I'll kill you" Ok... that shocked me... "It's no secret that I didn't like you the first time we met, and I'm not exactly 'yay Naomi' now, but I mean it. She probably doesn't think this, but I'll do anything for her, we hate each other most of the time, but she's my sister, I love her and I'll kick arse if I need to, I've done it before" She notices my curiosity as she says that, and continues, with a smile on her face, "I punched Anna" We both fall into a fit of laughter at this,

"You didn't?" I say during the laughter, "How come we never knew that?"

"Cause I'm smart, I did it where no-one would see" She laughs again, "By punch, I mean kick, and by somewhere no-one would see, I mean her fanny" I laugh loudly at this, "Bitch deserved it, nobody fucks with my sister"

"I know what you mean"

"Look... I don't care what is going on with you two, but I mean it... Emily has been through enough as it is, she can't take any more"

"I know... and I promise, I'll never hurt her"

"Good"

"If I do, and it's only an 'if' I give you full permission to kick the shit out of me, but it will never get that far" I laugh nervously, "I'll more than likely get hurt"

"Nah... she loves you. I can tell" I smile widely at this, "But this changes nothing between us" She is quick to put in,

"I know" I say, smiling at her, suddenly Katie gaining more likable qualities.

Even more so by injuring Anna, God, I wish I was there.

"I'm gonna get a coffee" I yawn, "Want one?" She nods. I walk over to the machine, grabbing some money out of my pocket and I get the drinks.

************

Emily was a long time in the room. We're now home, my mother having woken up in the middle of the night and panicked at the hurried 'at hospital, explain later' letter that I had left. She immediately rang and came to pick us up.

Emily has been silent since we left the hospital, her eyes faraway, her hands absentmindedly picking at her jeans. A bottle of vodka sat beside her. I know we shouldn't have... but she needed to get away for a little.

"Emily" I say softly, crawling in the bed next to her. Her back leaning against the headboard, her knees upright, I put my hand on hers and she looks at me, "Talk to me"

"It's my fault" She says, a small tear falling down her cheek, "If I hadn't have left, if I was still there, this wouldn't have happened"

"Emily, don't think like that"

"It's true... Katie said so too"

"Katie was just being a bitch"

"Yeah, but it worked... You should have seen her" She looks at me, her eyes tired, "She looked so... broken." She sighs heavily, another tear falling down her cheek, "Her arm and leg in a cast, a bandage around her head, she looked like she'd been in a war"

"What did she say to you?"

"Apologised... telling me she misses me, she loves me, she wants nothing more than for me to go home, to forgive her"

"Did she say anything about her drinking" Emily shook her head,

"Not much, just that the nurse who was looking after her gave her a leaflet, and if I came home she'd do it"

"Are you going?"

"I'll have to, she needs to stop drinking, although I doubt that she'll be able to stop, just like that"

"She's had a scare... you never know"

"No, she only wants me to go home so that there is someone there if it were to happen again, someone to abuse"

"It won't be like that"

"You don't know that" She says, her voice getting higher, "How do you know what it's going to be like?"

"You're right, I don't... but you can only hope"

"Yeah, and have those dashed straight away"

"Just give her a chance Emily..."

"I think we should cool things for a while"

"What?" My heart sinks,

"I can't do it, Naomi... not now... she needs me, I just need some space until she's sorted"

"If that's what you want"

"It's not what I want" She says, her tears coming more freely, "I want you" Her hands lift up, cupping my face, making me look at her, "I want you, ok?" I nod, feeling my own set of tears fog my eyes up, "This doesn't mean that it's over... far from it, it's just the timing" She cringes at her own words, "Why do things have to be so complicated" I smile at her,

"It's ok... I'm not going anywhere"

"I really do love you, you know? I wasn't just saying it"

"I know... but it's always nice to hear again" I laugh a little and her mouth grows into a wide grin, she leans in, capturing my lips.

"I need some sleep." She pulls away, "I'll stay for tonight, then I'll go home tomorrow"

"Ok" She leans in again, kissing me softly.

We both climb under the covers, our bodies tired from the hectic day we've both had. It isn't long before sleep overcomes us. Emily sleeping in my arms... something which I'm going to miss deeply.

***************

What the hell am I doing? How can something seemingly so perfect change within an instant. With a simple thought that crosses my mind. 'What if she never comes back? What if she meets someone else during our 'break''

A warm body lying innocently beside me as my hand slowly reaches up, gently caressing the tresses of red hair that lay motionless against the pillow. With an empty bottle of vodka being carefully cradled by my other limb, my fingers explore the soft texture of her hair. Soft memories from the previous night come running back, rushing through my mind like a series of films, all rolled into one.

"_I love you"_ My heart races as I remember those softly spoken words being said to me.

I feel my heart panic, I feel the erratic beating of the organ pumping in my chest. My mouth goes dry as realisation finally hits me.

I have to get out of this room.

I slowly creep out of the warm bed, trying not to disturb sleeping beauty. I pull at my top slightly, suddenly feeling self conscious of my slight exposure. I instantly take the t-shirt that I slept in off and throw it aside, grabbing some fresh clothes off the floor. I walk out of the room, acting like a burglar trying not to wake his victim. The door creaks and I instantly wince, my eyes wander back to the bed, she stirs, but she still lays unconscious.

I finally close the door with one final click, running to the bathroom and getting changed quickly. With adrenaline coursing through my veins, I hope that she doesn't wake, I pray that she doesn't catch me leaving her.

Within a couple of minutes I'm putting my shoes on, quietly sneaking out of the house so as not to disrupt my mother, who would undoubtedly have a few questions as to why I'm up at this hour. I grab a pack of cigarettes that I'd left in the kitchen and walk out the back door, walking to my sanctuary.

With my iPod plugged into my ears, the early morning birds are drowned out by Jimmy Eat World filling my ears.

I make my way to the bottom of the garden, opening the gate that opens to a small passage way shrouded in trees. I feel my feet crunch on the gravelled floor.

Not five minutes later and I'm sitting on the old trusty boulder.

I cannot explain why I panicked, why I had to leave the room. But if I had to come up with an explanation, this would be the least pathetic; She's leaving... In a couple of hours she'll be packing her bags, she'll leave. I know it's not like I'm never going to see her again, but I'll still see her less.

It might kill us, whatever 'us' is.

Things progressed over the last few months that she's been living here, things that I thought were never possible, things that I longed for, yet at the same time kept at arms length, knowing that they were never going to materialise, but now they have, it's that time old question that keeps ringing through my mind. What next?

Ok, it's taken us a year to get to this point, it's taken us about ten months until our first kiss, and then a year until we slept together, it's safe to say that we waited... but is all that waiting gonna pay off. Especially now with things are a complete horror at her house.

I can't expect her to be with me all the time, I'm not selfish, I understand that her mum needs her, but in another sense, I feel myself wanting to be selfish. It's like dipping your finger in a newly frosted cake, you know that when you taste that delicious frosting, you are gonna want more... and more, and more. But to have that cake taken away from you, having to watch it leave and knowing that you can't stop it, that you shouldn't stop it, and not knowing when you'll get to have a taste again.

It's upsetting, to say the least. But I've adjusted to worse...

***************

Don't hate me =[


	25. Chapter 25

Ok, ok... I know I disappointed most of you with that last chapter... and I sincerely hope this one makes up for it. Just to let you all know, that even though Naomily isn't exactly in a relationship, the feelings, the emotions, the wanting and the uh... ahem, shagging is still there hehe. As shown in this next chapter. It's a very complicated story, but then again it is based on my life, and I lead a very complicated life!

Warning: Contains explicit sex scene... yes I've gotten a little more confident with my sex scene, just hope it pays off lol =S

Please do enjoy

******************

Chapter Twenty-five

"Fuck sake" I curse out loud, throwing my pen at the wall in front of me. There is only so much work a girl can do, and trust me, over the last few months I've done plenty!

I'm only doing it to take everything off my mind, but as I've said before, it doesn't work. Trying to write an essay on WW2 while remembering the insane orgasm you had a week ago, well, it doesn't work.

"Naomi!" My mum shouts up, "Here" It's not even a question, it's a demand, and it pisses me off a little more. So I stomp out like an ignorant teenager, waiting to scream all hell at my mother, only to see her standing in the hallway looking stunning.

"Wow"

"Does it look ok?" She's wearing a black dress, a v-neck shape, a red belt over her stomach and she's actually straightened her hair,

"Yeah you look great" I smile, "Got a date?"

"I have actually" She beams,

"Oh aye" I wink at her, and she slaps me on the arm a little,

"Not like that, child" She blushes a little and I giggle. This should be weird, making innuendos about my mother's sex life, but then again my mum is like my best friend, so luckily it isn't weird. "It's just a guy from work"

"Play safe" I grin at her, she just glares,

"Right, I'm going now, there's some money on the side if you want to order in, I know you're busy with college work"

"Thanks mum" I lean in, kissing her cheek, "You look really nice"

"Thanks daughter" She smiles, "I won't be back too late"

"I won't be expecting you back at all" She laughs as she walks down the stairs, shouting a quick 'love you' at me, which I return.

She's definitely cheered me up. That is until I sit back down at my desk, books scattered everywhere, scrunched up pieces of paper, and a small scribble at the bottom of the page I'm working on which makes me smile.

I must have absentmindedly scrawled Emily in the bottom corner of the room, going over it with my pen a few times. Must have been when I was reminiscing. I scratch my head, taking a deep breath and starting my work again.

****

Ok, it didn't work, so now I've come to the conclusion that changing my room around is a good idea to get her out of my mind, if only for a short while. I've currently moved my bed, my desk, my telly, my wardrobe, put them exactly where I wanted them. I only started five minutes ago.

Stick a broom up my arse as well while I'm on it!

I scratch my temple, debating whether or not I should attempt to move the broken wardrobe. I decide against it.

I pick a fag up, putting it to my smiling mouth, satisfied with my little energy burst. But as I light it, I can no longer be arsed! I sit down in my chair, glancing round the room.

Don't you just love swivel chairs? When I'm deep in thought I love nothing more than to lean back, and swing, not too fast, otherwise I'll throw up, but just fast enough for my patterned ceiling to turn into a bunch of spirals. My foot continually pushes against the leg of my desk, making my spin constant. Until I hear loud banging at the door. I stop, twatting my foot in the wrong place and wincing in pain, "Bollocks!" I shout to the inanimate object which injured me, like somehow it was its fault.

I hobble down the stairs, turning on a few lights as I go, the incessant banging isn't hurrying me any faster. I open the door, and I see something which stops my heart.

Emily, panting, sweating a little, her eyes staring at me, staring so fucking deep that its making me nervous, "Emily... what's wrong?" She pants a few more times, swallowing audibly, her head lifts up, staring at me once more,

"I fucking need to kiss you" she pants, "Please for the life of me, tell me your home alone" I smile widely,

"I'm home alone" Her lips crash with mine, making my knees instantly weak. She slams the door with her foot as she presses her cold body against mine. I shiver as she deepens the kiss, her mouth still panting.

She pushes my body up against the wall beside us, I feel every inch of her body being pressed into mine. She lifts my arms up, pushing them against the wall, pinning me. Her lips devour mine as she gets more urgent, she mumbles something between the kisses, I can't quite make it out, but she says it again, "I've missed you". Her lips move to my neck, biting, sucking, licking, and I feel my knees cave, but luckily she's pinned me, and I can't move.

I stabilize myself as she lets my hands go, her urgent hands lifting my top up, over my head and throwing it to the ground, she kisses me deeply again, my arms falling round her neck, wanting, no, needing her to hold me.

My heart is almost bursting through my chest as she stops, looking at me hungrily, her breath almost growling, something which I'm finding _very_ sexy.

I don't think we'll make it up the stairs. A week of pent up frustration unleashing. I know it's not long, but fuck... I need her. She guides my limp body to the couch. Sitting me down. She unbuttons my jeans, but my hand stops her. She looks at me cautiously, and I can only smile devilishly at her. I feel confident, I feel so much confidence that I take over this situation. "My turn" Her eyes widen, but she smiles, she kneel down before me as I take her top off, my fingers exploring her soft skin.,

I'm in no hurry tonight, I want to remember every single inch of her, every curve. Her skin erupts in goosebumps as my fingers trace over her soft skin. I pull on her hips gently, asking for her to stand up. I feel slight nerves tingle my stomach as I know where I'm leading this, but my confidence over-shines it all.

I need to taste her. My lips gently brush against her stomach as my fingers undo her jeans, pulling them down. Emily's hands rest gently on my head as I feel her breathing increase. She steps out of her jeans as I continue kissing her. My hands guide her hips to the couch, sitting her down. I pull at the back of her legs, making her slouch. Her eyes studying me, her teeth biting her lip, her hands resting on her perfectly smooth stomach. I pull at her underwear, pulling them over her thighs, and under her feet, leaving them on the floor.

I have no idea what I'm doing... but it doesn't matter, I'm making it up as I go along. I look into her eyes, and I see the faint blush that has tainted her white cheeks. I feel a small smile spread across my lips as I realise that she's more nervous than I am.

Everything feels right with her.

I kiss her soft knee, my hands resting on her thighs, my eyes never leaving her. I slowly work my way up, making my way to my destination. My nerves are heightened as I panic a little, only a little though, it doesn't stop me. With one final look at her, I delve into the unknown... My fingers run up her wet folds, eliciting a slight groan from her, her body arching slightly. My head leans in slowly, plucking up more and more courage the closer I get.

My lips surround her swollen nub, sucking slightly, my tongue runs over it, feeling Emily's body twitch slightly.

I'm testing the water, seeing what reaction I get. I hear her breath pick up as I bite, not hard, but my tongue flicks over the now hardened nub, and I get a deep guttural moan, I feel an instant rush of liquid to my centre as I hear this.

Her hands grab at the couch as I continue this, applying more pressure, sucking harder, getting louder moans from her. All I'm thinking is 'I hope I'm not shit'... possibly one of the worst things to think about while actually in the act of sex, but I try my very best. I look at her, and it is possibly the sexiest vision I have ever seen in my entire life.

Her body is arched, her ribs protruding slightly, her lip is fused between her teeth, a light layer of sweat covers her body... her hair is messy, her fingers ruffle them as I continue with my tongue. Her eyebrows furrow as she lets out another moan. I keep watching, knowing what I'm going to do next, I watch and wait for her reaction. My hand lifts up, running over her wet folds again, before I push two in, I watch as her eyes widen, her body collapses against the back of the couch as her teeth can no longer hold it in anymore, "Fuck" she almost screams out.

Her breaths come in short now, my fingers working away, my tongue continuing flicking, licking and sucking. Even I'm close to fucking coming, just watching her.

A thicker layer of sweat envelops her body, her hair sticking to her damp forehead. Her hand slaps against the couch, clutching at it desperately. I feel her body twitch, I feel her hips jerk. I keep watching, watching as her eyes roll into the back of her head, her teeth bite harder, her hand clasps harder... but I don't stop. I pick up the pace. My fingers moving furiously, my tongue almost numb, but still I don't stop. She makes quick short moans as her body arches again, painfully this time.

I add another finger, making her moan even louder, I curve all three, feeling a soft spot.

She tastes fucking amazing. A sweet taste. I can't get enough. The top half of her body twitches now, her hips jerking spontaneously, her chest shrinking and expanding with such force. "Oh, fuck" She says, "Fuck... fuck" She keeps saying, her voice hoarse, her lips reddened. And with one final flick of my tongue I feel it.

It's like all her energy has built up in her chest, and in that one moment it's been pushed out, her entire body shudders, her legs straighten, her toes stretch. All I can do is watch in awe, watch as her body completely breaks down, in a good way, and all cause of me. I feel a rush of warm liquid around my fingers. I take them out.

I kneel in front of her. Watching as her body calms, watching as her breath stabilizes. She hasn't opened her eyes yet. But I watch, I take this in. All of it.

She finally opens her eyes, looking at me so intently. She sits up, her face barely inches away from mine as she looks bashful. Her hand lifts up, brushing through her hair. Her breath is still shaky, her body twitching a little. She smiles lazily, leaning in and kissing me softly on the lips.

****

She's still here an hour later, and I can still taste her. I'm embarrassed, this much is obvious. We stuck a film on, brought my duvet down and are now crashing out on the couch... Which is forever changed for me now.

"Was I..." I struggle, chewing on my lip. She looks at me, smiling, obviously knowing what I'm about to ask, but waiting, "Ok?" She giggles, obviously knowing that she's torturing me... "I mean I know you're more experienced than me in tha... I mean... I haven't done it before... It's just" I cringe, but she grabs my hand, looking at me closely,

"Naomi, listen to me now, ok?" I nod, "I'm not going to blow smoke up your arse but..." oh fuck, "That... what we did... that was the most amazing thing I've felt... and it's not 'cause you're a sex god" She giggles, "Although you are good" She cringes herself now, "But it's because I love you... I'm so in love with you that anything that happens between us is amazing, but that, that was _fucking_ amazing. You've got nothing to be embarrassed about, not at all" Now I feel a blush burn my cheeks, and her hand rubs over it, I look at her again and she smiles, leaning in and kissing me softly.

"Thanks" I say, pulling away, the blush still apparent. I don't let go of her hand though, I entwine our fingers, loving that such a simple act can make me so happy.

"You definitely are a dark horse though" She chuckles, watching the film. I smile widely...

Never been happier...

****************


	26. Chapter 26

Ok, thank you for your comments... currently 2:10am, I've just got in from a fantastic night at the local bonfire... very pissed... and feeling creative... lets see how this turns out, eh?

Only a short one as I'm extremely tired... pissed... and tired.

Thank you sooo much for the comments, I'm currently trying to work my next twist out... a death possibly, a new love interest for either of the girls, hmmm, a trip away maybe, a relocation for one of them... I'm trying to figure out which on is crueller lol.

Hope you enjoy my rambling!

***********

Chapter Twenty-Six

As I'm making my way through this dampened field, my feet trudge against the soil, almost sticking me to the spot, making this an extremely difficult task.

The task, of course, being getting the best view for the fireworks. Emily trails behind me as I'm a woman on a mission. Not caring how many grannies or kids I knock out of the way as I make my way through the crowd, my only concern being Emily still walking behind me. I chance a glance, and she's stood there grinning, I can't hear what she says, but I smile anyway.

The darkened evening is shrouded in shades of oranges and yellows which taint the skins and clothing of all the other spectators.

The bonfire well and truly set in motion, couples lean against the wooden fence which separates us at a safe distance. Children stand on the railing, hoping to get a view of the fake Guy Fawkes which sits atop the fire.

I, personally, think that is a little sick that we celebrate the death of a man by burning 'his body' on a huge bonfire, no matter what he did for society.

But that's just me.

I watch as a small smile creeps up on my face. We approach the fence, finding a small gap for us to stand in, to keep warm in this chilling air. I glance around me, everybody wrapped up warm, hats, gloves, scarves, it's difficult to tell who is who.

Even though it's not like we are a secret, I climb up the fence, sitting atop lightly, my legs fall open as Emily's back falls between them. My arms wrap around her as my chin rests on her shoulder.

I kiss her cheek tenderly, I feel her grip me tightly.

The sound of the rides is a distant haze as the crackling of the fire behind me warms my back and everybody around. A man announces that the fireworks are due to start soon. I feel myself get giddy, like a child on Christmas morning.

The entertainment starts with a serious of bangs. Most people's eyes are staring to the sky, watching the spectacular display of colours, the whistling, the bangs, the pops, each amazing beautiful in their own way. Other people have their phone in hand, filming this delectable scenery now filling our skies.

As the more expensive, and therefore more amazing, fireworks are set off, the crowd erupts into a series out 'oohs' and 'aaahs' causing Emily and myself to giggle slightly.

I do find it oddly calming that a rocket filled with so many chemicals can cause a whole town to be silent, to stand and stare at the same thing for a certain amount of time. The only response being complete satisfaction.

The extravaganza finishes with a whole host of fireworks filling the sky, turning the slight smoke that has surrounded the sky red, gold and then eventually adopting it's natural colour once the fireworks stop.

The crowd applause the show, with the man announcing that the fireworks have now finished, informing us where the toilets, the special services and the food are.

Emily and I stay where we are. Basking in each other. Loving how it is so easy for us to just simply, be.

"You know..." She starts, "The amount of money they just spent on those fireworks could have been spent on maybe fixing the school gym, actually putting working computers in that school or maybe even pay for people to get rid of the graffiti which fills out street. And instead they spend it on five minutes of pretty lights, loud bangs and a group of satisfied customers, if only for a short while" I laugh,

"You are quite right... but think about it, look how many people are here, how many rides, how many burger stands, sweet stands... think how extortionate their prices are, now think about how much you paid to get in... they will be making far more money from this than they will have spent on it... therefore maybe fulfilling the things that need doing..."

"Nah, it'll more than likely line their own pockets like the fatcats that they are"

"Ooh, listen to you getting all political" She giggles,

"You bring it out in me"

"Come on, shall we go get something to eat?" I ask, "My arse is starting to burn" Emily giggles as she steps forward, grabbing my hand and helping me down. We follow the crowd as they leave this part of the field.

The line for the burger's is huge, so we decide against it, going on a couple of rides instead. The raging bull being one of them. Now this game is much like the bucking bronco, only there are a maximum of 4 people to each bull, and it doesn't just throw you about up and down...

Watching it is amusing. The amount of people being thrown all over the place, laughing and joking as nearly all of them fall off as it's turned so far they are almost upside down.

It looks easy to us mere mortals stood fifteen feet away watching. But when you struggle to even get your leg over the bull, well... you know you're heading for trouble.

Emily grips onto my back as the bull bolts upwards suddenly, a trance sound coming on the speakers, followed by an extremely creepy laughing baby. The people who willing took part in this ride are now regretting it as a series of shrieking screams fills the air, the six bulls which are on the ride are all occupied. The music starts as the floor beneath starts moving in a circular motion.

The bulls suddenly jolt up again, the controller guy asking if we're all ready, telling us to hold on tight. I feel nerves in my stomach a little as the bull starts turning to the left, the body twisting down, I'm at a 45degree angle right now and I'm holding on for dear life... that is until the entire floor bolts forward, jerking every single person on this ride to the floor. The crowd roars with laughter as there is a sea of bodies all tangled with each other.

A man sits next to me, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand, cradling his broken glasses with the other. I can't help but laugh. The ride slows, allowing us to get back on, only for us to fall again. I hear Emily laughing hysterically behind as I fall, rather hard, onto the padded floor. I look up, watching impressively as she holds on.

Until I pull her off. Hehe.

"Bitch" She looks gobsmacked, but we both climb back on, we are complete at the bulls mercy as we are thrown off yet again.

I can't wait to get off this ride.

It was only a couple more attempt after and we were allowed off, my hands instantly reaching for a fag to calm my frustration. Emily laughs, "That was ace" She says, still laughing, I look at her incredulously, and she smiles. I bring the lighter up to the end of my cigarette, breathing the fumes in, "I want us to be together" And then I choke on those amazing fumes as she tells me this while inhaling.

I gain my composure, "What?" I say, through the slight coughing fit that has now started. She walks closer, entwining our fingers,

"I was stupid... I thought that us just being friends right now... with my mum as she is, I thought that's all I could handle, but I can't handle that... I want more, I want to be able to call you mine... I thought I could live without being with you, but I can't, and I just..." She frowns, "I love you... and I want to be with you" I smile, and she looks at me nervously, "So what do you say? Will you be my girlfriend?" My smile widens, stretches into the biggest grin as she looks relieved,

"I'll have to think about that" i say, trying to look all nonchalant, when really I'm screaming inside, "Yes" She grins, leaning in, kissing me.

Our first kiss as a proper couple. She goes to move away, conscious of the amount of people around, but I chase her lips, kissing her back with passion. She's taken aback, but she returns my gesture with her tongue deepening the kiss.

I hear some catcalls and guys shouting obscene things, but I drown them out... all that matters is I've finally gotten what I wanted. I waited, I waited and waited and waited. And I got it.

I just wonder how long I'll be _this_ happy for...

********************

Not proof read as my eyes are now rolling to the back of my head! I need more beer, I'm having withdrawal symptoms!

There's always tomorrow, hehe.

Please forgive spelling mistakes and awfulness.

I have no idea what this chapter is, just started reminiscing about my night tonight... so forgive this drunken update, I didn't update last night, so I felt I ought to.


	27. Authors Note

Just to let you all know the reason why I haven't updated the last couple of days. My grandfather unfortunately passed away on Thursday.

I'm not sure when I will next update, but I just want to make sure you all know that I'm not giving up on the story. I have had an idea of where I can take it, but it's dark... very dark. Reflects my mood at the minute.

There will be an update soon, I promise.

Sorry for being a pain =[

Kirsty


	28. Chapter 27

Thank you so much for all your support, it really meant a lot =]

I know I say this all the time, but I really do think that you're gonna hate me for this next chapter and where I'm taking this story... but over the past couple of days I haven't really been able to write... I've tried and all that has come out is depressed drabble. I don't mean to go on and on about it... but I do write what I'm feeling, and all day I've been trying to think of an upbeat chapter for you, but I just couldn't.

Some of you won't agree with where I'm taking this story now, and I completely understand that, but I feel in order for this progress to a realistic ending, I kinda need this part now... If I'm completely honest, without this next new 'twist' in a sense, the story will end soon, pretty soon. And anyway, if you're all still interested after this story, lol, the ending will leave way for a sequel, something which I rarely do, but I could with this story if it goes the way I'm thinking.

But I'm very inconsistent ;]

Hope you don't hate it!

******

Chapter 27

Her head rests in the crook of my neck as the movie begins. The popcorn sits beside us in the darkened room. I breathe a sigh of comfort as she edges closer to me, her arm resting on my leg.

I entwine our fingers as the opening credits of Imagine Me and You come on screen.

"What's this about?" I ask,

"Love at first sight"

"Cheesy" I laugh, and she slaps my stomach slightly,

"No, it's not. It's a great film... basically this girl, Rachel... Piper Perabo-"

"Coyote Ugly!" I shout, and she laughs,

"Yes... she's getting married to a guy, Heck, and as she's walking down the aisle her eyes meet with Luce, the florist at her wedding, and she falls for her... and you'll see the rest"

"Oh, so it's a gay film?"

"Yes, now shh" It's about an hour into the film and I'm bloody warm. I look at Emily who's wearing a t-shirt and then a long sleeved jacket on, and I frown,

"Christ, aren't you warm?" I ask, and she laughs,

"A little"

"Take your jacked off then" She sits up, unzipping the garment, taking it off and resuming her place in my arms. I could get used to this.

Her warm arm spreads across my leg and my hand gently rubs up and down. My fingers slow, feeling a rough part of her skin, I frown, looking down. My fingers running over what appears to be two red cuts on the inside of her arm. "What's this?" I ask, and Emily looks to her arm, pulling it away sharply,

"Oh, it's nothing"

"Let me see" She keeps her arm by her side,

"I just walked into a loose nail that was sticking out a door frame"

"Twice?" She laughs,

"Yeah, I'm such a clutz. Watch, this is a good bit" I turn to the telly, watching as Rachel starts shouting at luce, and then all of a sudden, they're kissing. Emily places her arm on my legs again and I can't stop my eyes from falling on her arm.

There is no way that a nail did that...

Two perfectly straight lines, almost parallel to each other...

But as stupid as I am, I accept her explanation, and focus back on the film.

"What's wrong?" She asks as I'm making a cup of tea, "You've been quiet after the film"

"Nothing"

"Come on" She whines, and I look at her, her smiling lips egging me on to tell her,

"Are you gonna tell me?" her smile stops,

"Tell you what?"

"I'm not stupid Emily... I know a nail didn't do that..."

"Well obviously you are... cause it did"

"Fine, what ever..." I turn back around, stirring the cups angrily. Her arms wrap around my waist as her shoulder rests on my chin,

"Don't get grumpy" She pouts, "I'm not lying to you"

"Good... I hope not"

"I wouldn't" She continues,

"It would break my heart" She's silent,

"Well, I wouldn't want to do that now would I?" She laughs, an uncomfortable laugh, "When are we going to bed?" She asks seductively, kissing my ear,

"I'm not in the mood"

"That can soon change"

"No, not tonight Emily" I say sternly,

"Right, well in that case, I better be going" She kisses my cheek this time, "I love you" She says before turning around,

"You too"

*****

I don't know why I didn't believe her answer to those cuts... No, actually, I do.

You know that in most cases, you can't see what is right in front of your eyes, not until somebody points it out... well this is one of those cases.

Emily knows I'm not stupid, I may be blind but I most certainly am not dumb.

Because of those two crimson cuts that sat just below her wrist I've suddenly become accustomed to noticing old white cuts which are so clear, yet so invisible when you weren't looking for them.

She never speaks about anything... well, anything important, like her mother, her family... anything like that. If I ask how her mum is doing, I get a brief explanation spoon-fed me and then she quickly changes the subject, so right now as I'm scrolling through my phonebook, I call the one person who can give me some answers.

I know I shouldn't, I should wait for Emily to come clean, to tell me herself when she's ready, but it's also killing me that she isn't telling me what's wrong, she isn't confiding in me... let's face it, the Emily I know and love hasn't been around for over a month. So as I finish my phone call, arranging a place to meet, I breathe a quick sigh of relief... hoping that maybe she can give me some answers.

Katie walks through the cafe door, instantly sitting down in front of me. She knows what I'm going to ask, I can see it on her face. "I'm her sister Naomi..."

"I know that"

"You can't ask me this"

"I can" She sighs,

"What so you want me to say?"

"What she isn't"

"She doesn't open up well... she doesn't know how to Naomi... she's been hurt so many times that it's just not like her to open up"

"She has with me... just not about this"

"Maybe she doesn't want to tell anyone... it's not exactly a crowd pleaser, talking about your alcoholic mum"

"You manage fine"

"I'm not the one who gets abuse hurled at them though... Don't look at me like that... you think I like that she gets all the abuse, do you not think I wish that mum would give me some, instead of acting like I'm some angel, no matter what I do, it just makes things worse"

"What about the cuts... the scars"

"How did you find out about that?"

"I'm not fucking blind"

"Look, you can't say anything to her about it... ok" She almost threatens me,

"No, it's not ok... you think I'm supposed to sit back and watch"

"Yes, that is exactly what you're supposed to do" I glare at her, "I know how it sounds, but we've been here before... do you honestly think I didn't know about it? I've known all along, since she started doing it after that fucking bitch broke her heart... nobody can break your heart more than a best friend" She says sadly, "We all knew... but it's her way..."

"You sound like all she's doing is smoking!" I say, completely astounded at how she's talking about it,

"It is like fucking smoking... it's a habit, an addiction... I once asked her why... she knew we all knew... we had to, I shared a fucking room with her while she did it. She was cunning though, very cunning, on places people wouldn't see as well as her arms..."

"Why did she say she did it?"

"It's not like she's doing it to kill herself..."

"Sure doesn't seem like it"

"And it's not a cry for help either... It's her nicotine... what do you do when you're stressed, when you're upset, what's the first thing you grab, the first thing you do?"

"Smoke" I say quietly, it all suddenly sinking in,

"Yes... exactly... Emily cuts... she can't help it. She told me that it calms her... as stupid as it sounds it's something that she can control, in a life where she has no control. She feels empowered... relieved, as if a thousand worries float off her shoulders... I understand to somebody who doesn't understand it, it might seem like attention-seeking, suicide gone wrong... what ever... but it's her way of coping"

"How can you get her to stop?"

"You can't... look. She stopped, she hadn't done it for what? A few years... but with mum, it's just come back. It is honestly like a drug addiction... you need a hell of a lot of strength to get off the drugs, and even more strength to stay off. As soon as something happens she has absolutely no control over, she'll want to do it again... just like an ex-druggie will be tempted to start again... I said don't look at me like that... you think I like what she's doing, you think I'm ok with it... I'm not, far from it, she's my sister, and I love her, and I have to accept it, just like you do"

"Why has she started again... is your mum being real bad?" I ask, suddenly feeling very nervous at the prospect of Emily being left alone with her right now,

"I'm afraid I've already told you too much... if you don't know any of this there is probably a reason" She stands up, "Why don't you ask her about it?"

"Katie, please"

"I'm sorry... I can't" She says a quick bye before leaving.

I drag my fingers through my hair as I try to work out what to do... I can't sit back and watch as she hurts herself... I can't...

But like Katie said, there is a reason I don't know these things... and prying might make things worse.

It just seems to be one endless struggle with Emily and I. It's as if we can't be happy, we can never get to that stage of happiness where it's almost impossible to be torn away from it. It just seems as though we are stuck in limbo, a place where we neither are or we aren't.

I know she made the big gesture on bonfire night, but that was a month ago...

*****

"Hey" She wraps her arm around my stomach as I'm making a sandwich. Fuck she smells good today.

I know that when we don't have anything bothering us, anything interfering we are fantastic together. Like now.

She didn't need to announce that she was here, she didn't need to knock, she walked in, the first place on her list of things to do being to give me a cuddle.

She squeezes me tighter, my stomach almost being crushed. "I've missed you" I feel her smile into my back, her lips gently kissing the exposed part of my neck. "What you making me?"

"What am I making you?" I laugh, "Cheek on ya" She giggles, "What do you want?" Her body dips as her hands reach down to the front of my thighs, her hands scraping up seductively,

"You, just wearing a little less" I giggle as I turn around, facing her, waiting to be pushed against the counter, waiting to be kissed, but instead she stands, smiling.

"What?"

"Nothing" She shakes her head quickly, before leaning in, trying to capture my lips, but I pull away. A smirk dancing on my lips as she appears shocked. Shocked that I avoided her advances. "Hey" She pouts, leaning in again, this time I move my head so that my target is now her neck.

I love the shape of her neck. The smoothness of her skin, the way she tastes. I could indulge in kissing, nibbling, licking and biting this part of her body all day and never tire. The way she groans throatily as my tongue runs over a certain part of her neck, the way she growls when I bite down on another part.

The list is endless, but nevertheless, exciting.

It is moments like these which make the bad times worth fighting through, damn worth fighting.

************

As I said before... It's taken me a couple of days to write this and I've been thinking about it a lot, and I do have an idea where I am taking this... I'm not going to give anything away... and I know this is an angst fuelled story, there will be some more fluff, but there will be a hell of a lot of angst.

Honest reviews please at this sudden change, thanks =]


	29. Chapter 28

Thanks for the comments =]

Incorporated my usual pub activity in this chapter! Brings back loads of drunken funny memories which made me chuckle. Naturally they were 'you had to be there' moments, so I won't bore you with them lol.

Just give this a try... Pwetty pwease =D

*******

Chapter Twenty-eight

Emily stayed over last night. It's been two days since I first saw the cuts, and I haven't stopped wracking my brains trying to think of a way to bring it up with her, try to talk to her, or just to let her know that I'm here.

Of course, it's come to no avail.

So as she's fast asleep beside me, comfortably sprawled out, I'm sat trying to figure it out, once again. With what little light outside provides I study her. I study her exposed arm, and I don't like what I see.

There are three other cuts, ignoring the two I saw the other day. I feel a tear choke me as my fingers hover over them, desperately hoping that if I touch them, they'll heal, not only the physicality of her demons, but the demons themselves.

I know it's a lost cause. But it makes me feel a little better as I lightly kiss them. She stirs, but I don't stop. She mumbles something incoherent in her sleep, and I just wish I could scoop her up in my arms and tell her that everything will be ok.

I know that it won't be, but I know that if she at least talks to me about whatever is going on at home, she'll feel a little lighter.

Her eyes glare at me as I pull away from her arm. I look at her, half expecting a mouthful, some form of sarcastic comment of simply for her to pull away, but she doesn't. She lays and stares, her eyes seem scared. This going from what little light that I can see them from.

I want to help her, to tell her that everything will be fine, tell her that I love her and she can trust me. But instead of saying anything I sit, waiting, expecting something, anything.

But I don't get it. She turns over, her body now taking up the foetus position. I decide that actions are better than words so I shuffle over, my hand leaning over her waist, holding her close to me, only for it to be tapped away as Emily holds herself tighter. Her voice thick with sleep finally speaks, "Just leave me alone"

My heart cracks. A tear that has been threatening for the past minute or so falls down my cheek. My legs shuffle, pulling myself out of bed. I walk to the door, glancing behind me, and she's watching. She's watching every move I'm making.

I open the door, walk out, and close her behind me.

I honestly don't know what to expect. I walk down the stairs, to the kitchen, picking up a fag I light it.

The darkness of the house is eerie. Almost uncomfortable, the frosty atmosphere though, I suppose, isn't exactly helping. I hear the stairs creak, and my stomach drops.

The silhouette walking towards me suddenly becomes foreign to the Emily that I know, so as the moonlight shines on my mother's face, I breathe a sigh of relief, "It's 4am, what are you doing up?" She asks, turning a light on, instantly blinding me.

"Couldn't sleep"

"You and Emily having problems?" I never needed to tell her about Emily and I. She already knew, she knew before we did I presume,

"Kinda"

"Wanna talk about it?" She asks, sitting down and taking one of my cigarettes. I shake my head, "You sure"

"Yeah"

"Listen... you're my daughter, and it goes without saying that I love you very much, but.."

"There's always a but"

"Now I mean this with love... You are quite difficult to handle sometimes, and I know you better than anybody" She laughs, "So whatever has happened, just apologise and move on... I can see it in you two, there's something strong there"

"I've got nothing to apologise for"

"If you're sure"

"I'm sure mum" I say getting agitated at her assumption that it's me with the problem "She's hiding things from me"

"If that's the case then there isn't anything you can do"

"Why not?"

"If she's hiding something from you Naomi... it must be something that she either feels like you don't need to know, or something she doesn't want you to know... there isn't anything you can do, but wait"

"What if she never opens up"

"Then she never opens up... you've got to be grown up about this, couples don't need to know every single detail of their lives... I didn't know hardly anything about your father"

"That inspires confidence" She laughs,

"Yeah, probably not the best example"

"But what if what she's keeping from me is hurting herself"

"That's not your choice to make sweet" My hand lifts up and roughly pulls my hair out of my face.

"It's just too difficult... all of this"

"Why?"

"It just seems far too hard... being with her"

"You're not regretting it are you?"

"No, I mean I love her, so much... I've honestly never felt this way about anybody in my life... but it still doesn't stop it being so hard"

"It will be hard, there isn't much you can do, just hope that it all works out"

"Yeah"

"Anyway, try get some sleep love, I'm off up, night" She leans down and kisses my forehead, I say a quick night before finishing my fag and going back to bed.

I quietly crawl in, noticing that Emily is asleep as I walk in. I get comfy and I feel Emily turn around, "You're not gonna leave are you?" She asks, her voice so quiet, so scared,

"What?" I ask, not turning around,

"I heard... what you were talking to your mum about..."

"I'm not going anywhere" I sigh, "But you're making it very hard for me to stay"

"I know" She breathes in deeply, "It's just... it's just... I don't want to disappoint you"

"You won't"

"Oh, I will" She laughs... "A nail didn't cut me"

"I know"

"I did it"

"I know" I say quietly, she struggles, I can't see her, but I can feel her struggling, "Look, I'm not going anywhere... you don't have to tell me everything right this second... I'm here, I always will be" I turn around, my hand lifting and stroking her hair, "I just want to know why you're doing it..." She takes a breath, "Not now though... I want you to tell me when you're ready. Just know that I'm still here, you're not going through this alone, and my bed is always here if you need to get away for a while"

"I don't deserve you" She says, leaning into my hand, I can't answer that, I know that whatever I say she won't believe me anyway, so I opt for something she can't deny; I slowly lean in, capturing her quivering lips, leaving this lingering kiss to last a little longer before I tenderly deepen the kiss.

*****

Overnight I come up with possibly the easiest, yet hardest, decision; Forget about it.

For now anyway.

There is absolutely no point in dwelling on it, yes I am scared shitless about it all, but that doesn't mean every single minute we spend together, every single conversation we have has to evolve around this current situation. I couldn't bear it, and nor could Emily.

So as I walk past our local, the chalkboard displays a sign which makes me smile. I instantly ring Emily, and when she answers, I say only one word; Karaoke.

So this is why we are currently sat at our local, drinks going down very nicely and both of us are flicking through the song list. "Do you fancy any?"

"Yeah, but I'd murder them all" Is her reply, and I chuckle, and it now comes down to this realisation, I've never actually heard her sing before.

"Do you trust me?" She bites her lip and nods, "Right" I take a pen and write down the song choice, Emily doesn't look,

"It better not be a belter, cause if it is I will walk off stage" She points at me laughing,

"It's not a belter, I promise... it's a great song"

"Old or new?"

"Not recent, but not old"

"Helpful"

"Well if I answered new or old, would that really help?" I laugh, and she just nods her head,

"You have a point" It's only Emily and myself tonight, the other's are at some party, no shock there, they offered to stop by, but it's a little out of their way. To be honest, a night away from our troubles is exactly what we need.

Emily orders us more drinks as I give the DJ our song choice. He smirks as he puts it on the list. I sit back down at our table, the place is unusually busy saying that this pub is a complete and utter dive. But hey, a little bit of karaoke and it brings out all the crazy folk.

"You nervous?" I ask as she sits back down.

"I've never sang karaoke before"

"I'll take that as a yes" I chuckle,

"Have you?"

"Yeah, course... when I was younger and didn't care that I sounded like a bunch of drowned kittens"

"Nice"

"Right up next we have Naomi and Emily singing Perfect 10" Emily bursts out into a huge grin,

"Beautiful South? You're kidding"

"I have quality song choices" I laugh,

"If you say so" I laugh while grabbing her hand, dragging her up to the stage. The DJ hands us two microphones and points to the telly with the lyrics on. The opening music starts and I feel myself get giddy. Emily cringes a little as the words come on screen, although not lighting up yet.

Like they need to, I was born with the lyrics implanted in my brain.

"She's a perfect 10, but she wears a 12, baby keep a little two for me" Emily bursts out laughing as I start the song, and I can't help but join in. "She could be sweet 16, busting out at the seams, it's still love in the first degree"

"When he's at my gate, with a big fat 8, you wanna see the smile on my face" She's not bad, a little off key, but hey, it's cute. "And even at my door, with a poor poor 4, they're aint no man can replace"

The entire pub looks at us like we are on something, and we definitely seem like it as we practically laugh our way through this song, but Emily is a natural at karaoke.

But you know, that's the thing with Emily, we could be doing absolutely anything, humiliating or not, but so long as she's beside me doing the same thing, I don't care what people think. I don't need to act like I don't care.

The night went so quickly, as did the drinks and the songs. If I can remember rightly we've covered our version of 'It's raining men' although we changed the sex in the song. We've also sang 'Summer of 69', and possibly the ultimate karaoke song, to me anyway, Bon Jovi – Living on a Prayer.

Always a crowd pleaser.

We threw in a little Rolling Stones – Satisfaction, some of your cheesy songs such as B*Witched and not to mention Steps.

Yeah we hogged the mic.

We're the last ones to leave, and as we say bye to the staff we stumble out onto the street. I can't complain at the state I'm in, cause I can currently see three Emily's, one of her is good, but fuck... three. I'm in heaven.

All it cost was a bottle of Jack and about a dozen shots.

I hold onto Emily protectively as she is extremely drunk, even more than I am. We stagger three steps forward, and take one back.

At this rate it's gonna take us hours to get back to mine. Is it just me or does alcohol give you the horn? Cause at the minute the heat coming from between my legs is currently melting the frost on the path.

Scratch that, the way Emily is looking at me, I know it's not only me. She tries to look seductive, but her eyes squint a little, her mouth has the happy drunk smile and when her eyes aren't squinting, well, they are rolling into the back of her head.

We are most definitely contenders for the next Binge Britain TV series.

We walk a little further, until we come to an alleyway. Now, I have a decision to make, because the way Emily is looking at me, I know that she wants a quick fix right now... I can leave it til we get home, have warm, slow sex in bed, or... now this is a big or, have fast frantic, worried sex in an alleyway. Hardly the most romantic scenario, but I think right now either of us don't care.

What do you think we did ;)

*******************


	30. Chapter 29

Gah... who ever invented Status Shuffle on facebook needs to get rid! An hour I've just spent sifting through that! So addictive!

Anyhows, thanks for the comments, I shall try and keep the angst down to a minimum for now... but it's gotta come back sometime =]

Oh yeah... Naomi has been learning to drive for the last few months... Oh and as Naomi is describing her test... that is my test hehe, I should never have passed!

********

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Ok, so even though we both could barely walk this is pretty impressive. The alleyway that caught our eye is now the scenery for our sordid quickie. Emily pushed me up the wall as soon as my eyebrow quirked in a suggestive way. Her mouth attacked mine as her hands worked on my jeans, unbuttoning them and pushing her hands in. I'm doing the same, the science of it all doesn't make sense, but somehow, right now our arms are tangled as our hands work away.

Our warm breaths connect as our breathing picks up, Emily's hands working away at am impressive speed, mine not so much as her experienced fingers press _all_ the buttons. I feel my legs get weak in this very quick quickie. A slight sheen of sweet begins on my forehead as my fingers finally pick up speed on Emily. Her fantastically moist lips kiss me so deeply, only stopping to kiss and nip at my neck. "Oh fuck" She says as she pushes her body straight onto mine.

I'm so close, I can feel it. "Come with me" I say huskily into Emily's ear. As I say this her hips adopt a slight thrusting position. Only intensifying her hand, and mine. My spare hand wraps around her back, pulling her closer, and with one final thrust our breathing stops, my heart almost bursts out of my chest, I silence the groan which is about to fall off my lips, and I look straight into Emily's eyes. Her hand lifts up and diligently brushes the hair out of my face, making sure to remove the small strands which are stuck to my forehead. Her eyes are soft as a small smile creeps on her face.

She doesn't need to say it, because I feel it. She leans in, the kiss no longer urgent, a simple, chaste kiss which tells me exactly what I needed to hear.

This sexy encounter is finished with the sound of our zips being closed. I almost giggle at the circumstances. Her hand entwines with mine as we go back to our route home.

Nothing more is said, there doesn't need to be.

Well, until we run into a familiar character staggering up the road, "Naomikins" He shouts, and I laugh,

"Alright Cook" He staggers up, his arms falling around me and Emily.

"Where the hell have you two been?" His voice slurs, and as we are now sober-ish, we turn into mothering friends.

"The question is where are you going?" Emily asks, holding him up,

"Pub" He says, a smug smile on his face,

"Pub closed" I say, smiling, patting his back, "Come on, lets get you home" I nod to Emily, asking if it's ok and she nods back.

Luckily it's not far. "You know" He says as he lights a fag up, "I always knew you two would end up together" His hands retake their place over our shoulders as we practically drag his heavy arse home, "You can just see it, you know"

"Yes Cook" We humour him,

"I have a lot of respect for you Naomikins" He looks to me, his eyes all droopy, fag hanging out his mouth, Emily and I giggle,

"Do you now?"

"Yeah... All the hurt Emily did..." I shake my head at him, but he's too pissed to notice, "And you took it... granted I helped" he says smugly, "And it all worked out in the end"

"Yeah, you need to stop drinking Cook" Emily says, laughing,

"And you, Ems" Oh god, "Don't lose this one... she's a keeper" I turn and blush,

"I'll do my best"

"I have no doubt" He says, "Cooky gotta piss" He lets go of us and walks towards the wall. Emily and I stand awkwardly,

"Sorry" I mouth, but Emily flippantly waves her hand,

"Don't worry about it... he's only saying how it is"

"I know" I lean in, kissing Emily, briefly, pulling away we both smile,

"Now, how about Cooky gets in on that action" We look at him, his trousers unzipped, 'little cook' out on display, and we both laugh,

"Put it away, Cook" Emily says, covering her eyes, and he does dutifully,

"Worth a try... now you lezzas, get ya sen home, Cook can take care of himself"

"You sure?" I ask, and he nods, picking his fag up which somehow ending on the floor, almost in his piss,

"Sure as can be"

"Ok, catch ya later Cook" Emily says, "And less of the lezza stuff" She points her finger playfully at him. And He simply grins in his own way. We slowly walk down the street, turning every now and again to check see if he's still standing, when we're satisfied we relax, my arm lifts up and rests around Emily's shoulder.

"Alright lezza" I giggle, and Emily nudges my hip.

"Alright lezza two" I chuckle.

********

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" I shout as I run through the house... "Mum!"

"What, Christ?" She comes running in,

"I passed!"

"What?" I roll my eyes, god she's such a twat sometimes,

"My driving test, I can officially drive a car!"

"Oh my god, congratulations" She hugs me, "So how was your test?"

"Well it was quite funny actually" She frowns at me, "She took me on some roads around town that I've never been down before... I had no idea what the speed limit was, my instructor told me in the other lessons that if there are no signs and there are street lights, it's a 30"

"Right"

"This road didn't have either... and the examiner was talking to me, and I was speeding. Quite a lot." She laughs,

"Didn't she notice?"

"No, she was too busy talking to me, then looking out the window as I quickly slowed down, _then _she checked my speed!" I say rather smugly, "Oh, and another thing, she was writing down something on her little pad when I completely didn't even look at a roundabout, just went straight through. I nearly ran over someone while reversing round a corner, but she blamed the person as they wasn't there when I started reversing!"

"My god"

"Oh, and I got a little angry at another driver..."

"You didn't?"

"Under my breath! Well he cut me up, fucking wanker"

"You didn't actually say that did you?"

"Under my breath" I smile,

"My god, it's amazing you passed"

"I know!" I laugh, "And I got 3 minors... 3! Fucking 3!" I laugh, showing mum the papers I got given, "I was cacking myself, I was sat there thinking that I've failed, I'm gonna have to do it all again, and she turned around and said 'You've passed', I could have died!"

"No wonder there are so many accidents in this country when they give away licences just like that" [My mum's actual reply] I look shocked at her,

"I did well!" I say, adamantly,

"Oh yeah, sure... speeding, nearly hitting a pedestrian, and not looking at junctions. You did fab love, I'm so proud of you!"

"Hey, I passed! That's all the matters"

"If you say so"

"Mum" You know that tone... the tone that all children adopt to their parents when they want something, and that tone always gets the same reply, a roll of the eyes and

"What?"

"Can I borrow your car?"

"After you've just told me that, you're kidding right?"

"I'll be extra careful, I promise"

"You don't need to borrow my car anyway"

"Why?"

"Well when you started learning I started saving..."

"Oh my god..."

"Shall we go shopping?" I almost jump up and down,

"You're gonna buy me a car?"

"Yeah, it's a parent's duty, buying their child their first car" I grab her and hug her,

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

************

Driving up to Emily's in my new car... a red Vauxhall Corsa, which I have named Betty, ten year old, decent CD player already installed and I have officially decided that I love driving!

I pull up to Emily's house, her bedroom being the front one, I pip my horn and she comes to the window, I get out the car and show my new car off, her mouth falls open, "You got a car!" she shouts through the open window,

"Nah, it's one I've just hotwired" she laughs, "Of course I've got a car!" Within a minute she's walking outside,

"I didn't even know you'd had a test?" She says frowning,

"Yeah, I didn't tell anyone... less pressure that way... if I failed I didn't have to disappoint people then did I?" She nudges me, "Fancy a ride?"

"Do I ever!" She climbs in the passenger seat, "You've even got a CD player" She immediately starts playing with it,

"Not only that, but I've made a new car CD, my very first one, and guess what?"

"What?"

"It's full of possibly the most cheesy songs ever!" She claps her hands together excitedly. I climb into the drivers seat, suddenly feeling a little nervous. I put my seatbelt on, as does she. Turn the engine and, Betty starts purring,

"What you named her?"

"Betty!" I grin, and she laughs out loud,

"Betty?"

"Yeah... I love that name!" She laughs again,

"Lets get Betty rolling then" Possibly the first thing I notice about having my own car is that when I was learning I had to adjust the seat and the mirrors every single time I got in the car... now I don't have to bother...

****

"I'm gonna die!" Emily says as she pushes her hand against the dashboard... ok, so I'm a late braker, but I always stop in time. I slap her playfully, "My life actually flashed before my eyes"

"I'm not that bad!" she laughs briefly, we're just getting out of town, onto country roads and Emily finally relaxes as my need for speed waivers slightly. We've been listening to the radio as I needed to concentrate a little, so as we get into the open spaces I turn the stereo up and put the CD in, the first song on it being Cotton Eye Joe. She looks at me and laughs, but as the song continues you can't help but sing along. Something which she has noticed about all the songs on my CD.

Now, I have, possibly, the most unpredictable taste in music. This CD alone has Whitney Houston, Evanescence, Rednex, Whigfield, Dope, Tavares, Slipknot, Barry White, Journey, Steps, Bon Jovi (of course), Mariah Carey, BeeGees, Guns 'N' Roses, Deep Purple, a little bit of Led Zep in there and absolutely anything from the 70s, 80s and 90s.

What can I say, I am my mother's child.

"You are possibly the most random person I have ever met" Emily says as the song finishes, I turn it down,

"Is that a good thing?"

"Well to say that I wasn't exactly in a fantastic mood when you picked me up, and I am now in an amazingly happy mood, yes, I'd say it's a good thing"

"Yeah but that's cause you're with me" I smile smugly at her,

"Actually it was the Tavares that did it for me" She clicks her fingers and starts singing, "Heaven, must be missing an angel, Missing one angel child cause you're here with right me" She starts dancing, and it is quite possibly the funniest thing I've seen in a long time.

"Are you being sarcastic?"

"Nah, that song always cheers me up!" She laughs,

"If that cheered you up then you will most definitely love this" I skip to the end of the CD and smile smugly as the song begins. Emily's grin widens as she looks at me. We sit smiling like idiots, not knowing the words to the song until it gets to the chorus, and when it does we can't help but sing it at the very top of our lungs,

"Suck on my chocolate salty balls!"

* * *

Ok, now I've just let out my biggest secret to you all... My friends comment on it all the time if they ever drive past me... I literally sing my f*cking heart out while I'm driving! And the list of songs I wrote in here is actually on my CD right now! Yes I am _that_ sad! Lol.

But on the rare occasions of my life there is nothing I love more than to pick up my best friend, randomly drive miles for no reason singing the cheesiest songs of all time! And boy do I have a fantastic time. (runs away and blushes now!)

Please do comment =] even just to tell me how sad I am =D


	31. Chapter 30

Sorry about the lack of updates, I haven't been very well for the past few days, it's only been yesterday that I've actually been able to keep food/water down!

This story is drawing to a close, but as I've said before I have an idea for a sequel, so if any of you are interested in me developing that further please do let me know, encouragement will make me write!

Hope you enjoy!

***********

Chapter Thirty

Cook grabs the microphone from Doug, "Class of 2009 fuck yeah!" He shouts down, earning cheers, laughter and a few dirty looks from the teachers. We all raise a glass and salute our last day for the summer at college.

Everyone is pretty pissed, Cook also took it amongst himself to spike the punch, but not only that we've all managed to sneak some alcohol in ourselves, the teachers should really know better huh?

I've somehow lost Emily amongst the crowd, but I make the most of the time with everyone else around. I'm still pissed off with her anyway. Katie is pretty smashed, Effy currently eating Freddie's face, Cook trying to touch a girls arse and deservedly so getting a smack in return. He turns to me, "Oh no!" I say, and he just lurches for me.

"Let's dance" He says, personally I think Cook has had a hell of a lot more than alcohol.

"I need to pee" I shout in his ear, and he laughs,

"I'll be right here when you get back" He winks at me before throwing me his typical cheesy grin that is just so Cook.

I make my way through the crowd, suddenly feeling silly having gotten so dressed up. I hate it.

Don't get me wrong it's always nice to all get dressed up and actually have a mature night for once (ish) but it doesn't stop me feeling a little self conscious in my tartan type dress which is very short, if not for my leggings I'd be revealing all. Which begs another question; Peeing is going to be a little difficult. I push on the toilet door bypassing the mirrors and heading straight for the toilet.

I grunt and groan as I try to pull these tight leggings down, finally they are round my ankles, so now comes to task of manoeuvring the dress so it doesn't get... a little wet. I manage it and as I sit down and do my business a chuckle escapes my lips as I hear a couple being a little passionate one of the other stalls.

They know that someone else is in here, yet they carry on with their noisy sex. I finish, flush and walk to the mirrors washing my hands. The occupied stall opens and out walks Annabelle, looking rather flustered, I throw her a dirty look, still can't stand that bitch!

But nothing prepares me for what happens next...

************

_Two days earlier..._

"I can't believe we're finishing tomorrow!" I say to Emily in or English lesson, which to be honest there is absolutely no point in even being here, all we're doing is talking, there is no work to be done, we may as well go home, which most of the class have opted to do, but being nerds like we are, we decide to come in.

"Hmm" She's been like this for the past couple of days, I've barely gotten more than a sentence out of her, it's starting to worry me now, I passed it off as PMT, but now it's gone beyond that.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong" she practically spat that out, I raise my eyebrows,

"She hissed" I say under my breath,

"What?" She snaps again, finally looking at me rather than doodling in her book, "What was that?"

"What is up your arse" Our voices start to raise, and everybody's ears start to listen,

"For fuck sake, can I not just be silent for five minutes without you thinking there is something wrong?"

"No, but you certainly have no real concept of time"

"What are you babbling about?"

"It's been more than five minutes Emily, it's been the last couple of days",

"Oh, I'm sorry that I haven't wanted to be so 'happy happy' with you, my deepest apologies"

"Will you two keep it down" The teacher warns us, "Or take it outside"

"Whatever, I'm leaving" She throws her chair back as she stands up, man she is pissed! She grabs her bag and storms out, slamming the door behind her. I smile awkwardly to the people who are now staring at me, grabbing my bag I follow her.

Pretty hard task as she is apparently auditioning for the 100m sprint. "Emily, fucking slow down"

"Fuck off"

"What the hell" We make it out of college in record time, with me effectively grabbing her wrist and spinning her around,

"Don't touch me"

"What the hell have I done?" Her face is so red with anger,

"Nothing, for fuck sake, it is not all about you, can't you get that in your thick skull!"

"Just calm down and talk to me"

"No, why should I talk to you, what is the fucking point, you'll find some way to use it against me"

"What the fuck are you talking about, I've never done that... you need to calm down" I say, trying to grab her wrist but she shakes me off,

"Don't tell me what to do"

"I am not your fucking mother, so do not speak to me like this" She looks at me incredulously,

"What did you say?"

"You heard" Her hand lifts to her forehead, wiping it slightly, her other hand is fused to her hip, "I know this is about your mum..."

"You don't know shit" Her voice changes,

"Oh, I do" She takes a step back, but I grab her, "No, you started this, we're not going anywhere until it's sorted"

"Stop telling me what to do, you don't fucking own me"

"No, you're right, I don't, but I love you and I'm worried, so if I have to chain you to that fucking fence to get some answers then I will" She takes a breath,

"Look, I overreacted" I snort, but she dismisses it, "Can we just forget about it and talk later" I look around, suddenly noticing that we have an audience,

"No, I won't forget about it, but we'll go somewhere more private to talk" She starts to walk away and I follow. I'm fuming, I know she has her reasons, but, fuck... I don't deserve that.

I follow her, at least five paces behind. We go to the deserted park that chavs use to get alcohol poisoning, she sits down on a swing and I sit on the one next to her, "Are you going to explain?"

"I really don't know what to say" She seems embarrassed, "I shouldn't have spoken to you like that"

"You're right... Look, we haven't spoken about anything, and I think right now... we need to"

"What do you wanna know?"

"Everything... why you cut, your mum, everything..."

"Mum isn't getting any better... in fact... she's getting worse... she's lost her job now, she doesn't eat, the only sleep she gets is when she passes out and right now I'm her verbal punch bag" She says,

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I can't walk past her, I can't cough, I can't do anything without her saying something to me"

"Like what?" She cringes, as do I for asking that, "Never mind... I have an idea"

"And the..." She lifts her arm to motion what she's talking about, "It's her" She takes a deep breath, "All cause of her... I mean... I used to, back in school. But I thought I was over it, and this, all this... it just made it happen again"

"Why do you do it?" I try to sound as comfortable with this as I possibly can...

"It's hard to explain"

"Try... Please"

"It's like..." She struggles, "It helps... you know when you get that feeling where you just wanna scream... you get so frustrated that you just wanna scream at the very top of your lungs?" She looks at me, "You wanna scream and let it all out?" I nod, "I get worse than that... screaming doesn't help... the only thing that does is..." She can't even say it, she motions with her arm again, she frowns deeply, "It relieves me... relaxes me... I can't help it"

"It's ok... I get it..."

"I don't think you do... you're mad"

"I'm not mad at all Ems... Just upset"

"Why?"

"Cause I know there's nothing I can do to help... and that is all I wanna do, I hate seeing you like this"

"I'm trying to stop doing it... really trying..."

"Is it working?" She laughs, "What?"

"if it was working do you think I'd have got as worked up as I did with you not ten minutes ago"

"Oh..." I sigh, "Isn't there anything that helps?"

"Writing..." I frown, "I write songs, poems, whatever... just let it all out, you know... I'm fed up of keeping it all in"

"Keep doing that then"

"It only lasts for a little while..."

"You'll get there... and I'm here if you need to talk, honestly, I just wish I could help, I wish I could make you stop, make your mum better... I love you, and I just hate seeing you like this"

"I know, but there's nothing you can do... it's gotta be me"

***

She was awkward with me for a while after... but eventually things calmed down. I promised her I wasn't going anywhere, that she could say anything and do anything and it wouldn't make a difference... and she soon perked up.

***

Why is it when your entire world is going to come crashing down does time suddenly stand still, making sure you get an amazing view of exactly when it happens, of exactly when you see that first sign of bright red hair that could be a possibility of two people, but you know exactly which one. With your back to her, and your eyes watching through the mirror, the smug smile on that fucking bitches face is back as she walks out of the bathroom. I feel my knees weaken as the door opens fully, exposing her for exactly what she is.

A look of guilt is on her face, but it deepens when she finally lifts her eyes to where I am. She sees me, gripping onto the surface for dear life. Her feet stick to the floor, her hand still on the door, her other hand which was wiping her mouth now stuck to the spot also, her jaw to the floor.

She looks straight at me, she wants to say something, I'm aching to say something, but all I can do is stare.

The intensity of it all is too much as I have to look away. I dip my head, trying to get the images out of my head, the image of her and Anna at it in a cubicle. "Naomi..." She says quietly, but my tear stained eyes lift up, throwing her possibly the best death glare... if looks could kill, well.

She takes a step towards me, "it's not what it looks like" I can't help but laugh... hell, it's better then crying your heart out. "Naomi, please... say something" I hold my hand out, telling her to shut up, I gather every single ounce of courage that I can muster at this moment in time, it's not much, but it's enough, I turn around, look her square in the eyes, and I break her heart, like she's just shattered mine,

"No, you will listen to me now. I don't ever want to see you again, I don't ever want to speak to you again, don't call me, don't text me and don't come round my house, this... _that_..." I shake my head, "Is something I will _not_ stand for... congratulations Emily, you've officially pushed me away, I hope you're happy now... have a nice life" I turn and walk out the door, being sure to slam it behind me. I quickly rush through the crowd, rushing outside. I take a deep breath as my courage finally waivers, my back falls against the wall, my hands lift up, not knowing where to be as my body crashes.

The thick salty tears almost choke me as I hear the door open. I panic, not knowing who it is, not caring right now, but I make a run for it... running as far and as fast as I possibly can go.

Though, I fear, it won't be far enough...

****************

One more chapter left and it's finished =[ don't forget to let me know if you want a sequel...

The sequel will be set a couple of years in the future and will be entirely from Emily's point of view this time. If I write it that is lol. It will also leave room for more answers...


	32. Chapter 31

I guess I'm writing a sequel lol.

I know most of you were wanting a happy ending, but then again most of you have also said that this is a realistic story, and happy endings are over-rated and often never happen...

Thank you all so so much for taking the time out to read and review this story, it really has meant a lot to me =D I hope you all read my sequel when I start writing it, I will more than likely start it after writing this chapter and post the first part in the next couple of days, or maybe even later, depending on how I get on or if I get distracted by facebook lol.

Thanks again, you are all amazing!

************

Chapter Thirty-One

46 missed calls, 24 unread text messages, 8 unheard voicemails and 4 ignored visits to my house.

I think it is safe to say that I do not want to see, speak or hear her.

I can't. I physically cannot pluck up the courage to see her, my heart is shattered into millions upon millions of pieces, my mind is constantly replaying the scene in the toilets, my body shakes, shakes violently as I think of how much of a fucking idiot she has made me look like.

I loved her, I loved her more than I could ever imagine, I wanted to spend my life with her, doing nothing but laughing along with her silly remarks, her quick wit and possibly the most sincerest of sarcasm ever heard.

Her ability to turn any sentence into something funny, making people laugh was an easy task for her.

The laughter has disappeared and the tears are here with full force. Mum tries to comfort me, she tries to encourage me to speak to her, to answer her, to just let her have her say and if it's not what I like then tell her to leave. But she's learnt that I'm a stubborn being, when I don't want to do something, I won't do it. And hearing exactly what she has to say, her answer, her reasoning, well... it could very well be the end of life itself.

Oh, god... no, I'm not going to kill myself, fuck... but in my very own personal opinion; if you love someone, you never stray. If there are problems, you talk through them, and if you're unhappy, you do as much as you can to be happy, if it doesn't work, then you leave.

The most unforgivable act is cheating; I could never forgive a cheater, regardless of their reasons.

There is no such thing as a one-way relationship. They never work, and lets face it... our relationship, I had to do most of the running.

I may be making excuses, I may be finding things that aren't there in order for me to feel better about myself, but I have that right, I'm broken. I am half the person I was two days ago and it is going to take a hell of a lot of strength to get over her... to get over this.

I don't mean to be melodramatic, so don't misconstrue this as that, but I am simply trying to explain exactly how I'm feeling, and the best, most simple description that I could possibly come up with is... My heart has died.

That feeling you used to get, even when you aren't in love, when you haven't seen somebody you care about for a long time, and you catch a glimpse of them across the room, your heart almost grows, it beams. Your smile is only a reflection of your heart. Your stomach almost drops to your knees as you suddenly get excited. You feel like dancing on the spot, and this is even before speaking to this person.

Magnify that and times it by a thousand... that is how I felt about Emily. More so.

Now without meaning to drown you in imagery, right now I feel myself slipping away, I feel everything I know drifting, I'm trying desperately to hold onto something, to keep something familiar close, but it doesn't work. It's as if I'm running down an endless corridor, chasing an impossible dream, chasing it until I no longer have the strength to chase anything anymore. I'm on the cusp of giving up, and as the stairs creak, as my door slowly opens and I see the mirror image of the person I so desperately don't want to see right now, I know that dream is desperately slipping through my fingers.

"Naomi" She says softly, but I hug myself, I hold tightly as I turn away,

"Leave me alone, Katie" She approaches the bed,

"Emily really needs to see you"

"Well you can tell her she lost that right when she fucked someone else"

"She's a mess" I laugh bitterly,

"She's a mess... _she's_... you're fucking kidding me right... she did this, _she_ who is so fucking perfect, she did this, she can't take it back, and I'm definitely gone now"

"Naomi, please, don't give up on her... please, I'm begging you"

"Right, come on, lets have it... lets hear her pathetic excuse, I'm dying for this, I need a good laugh" I sit up, giving her my undivided attention. She leans against the desk, her arms cross her legs crossed over slightly,

"Anna caught her at a bad moment..." Even she cringes at how wrong this sounds, "She said she was feeling a little... overwhelmed"

"By what? Me?" I point to myself, "Oh, so now it's my fault"

"No" She practically shouts, "Will you just fucking listen"

"Fine"

"She felt like a failure... you had this image of her... this strong, independent figure who didn't cower for anybody... and the way she's been the last few months... she felt like she'd let you down, she thought that you wouldn't love her anymore, cause lets face it, you haven't been how you was when you first became friends, you were inseparable, you were more a couple then than you are now, she was scared, she thought she was going to lose you, and she made a mistake, she let Anna in" I laugh,

"Literally" that went down like cold vomit...

"I know you're hurt, but Christ, can't you be more fucking adult about it?"

"Me? I'm sorry, but I never gave Emily the impression that I'd ever fucking leave her, if anything I felt like we were stronger than ever, I was happy, so fucking blissfully happy, if she had a problem she should have come to me, rather than fuck that slag" my voice weakens, and Katie notices, her usually hard exterior suddenly softens,

"I know my sister isn't the easiest of people to get along with, but she loves you and she wants nothing more than for you two to get back together... if not, well... she's leaving"

"I don't believe that for one minute"

"What has she got to stay around here for?"

"You" Now Katie laughs,

"You are the most important thing to her... _the_ most important... if she hasn't got you, she hasn't got anybody"

"She should have thought of that earlier..." I say quietly,

"So it's entirely up to you now Naomi, you can try forgive her and move on, like you said you thought you two were strong together, I'm sure you can get past this... or you can say goodbye to her... we all can"

"Don't you fucking dare try and make me feel guilty, I have done nothing wrong here, nothing, don't you stand there and make me feel like shit, it is not my fault that she is leaving, it is not my fault that she cheated, it is all her, and to be completely honest with you, if I never see her again, I'm sure I will live"

"Don't say I didn't try"

"Right, you've told me her perspective, now listen to mine." She stops as she was about to leave, turning around she gives me her undivided attention, "Right, lets start from the beginning, ok?" She nods, "It came out of the blue, I never thought in a million years that I might be gay, that I like girls, but she changed it all for me, she made me feel alive, something which I've never felt before. She brought me to life with just her friendship, and it developed. I sat and watched her fuck other girls, I sat and watched her fall for that slut, I watched her heart ache, I helped, I was there... I did the chasing, I wasn't going to, but I had to... I did it all, all she had to do was let me in... she finally let me in fully and then not 48 hours later is she fucking that slag in a cubicle, _while_ I'm in the same fucking building" I try to keep the tears in, I try my hardest, but they come thick and fast, "I was so in love with her, Katie... I would have done anything for her... anything. Now I can't feel anything, I'm numb... the only thing I can feel is my heart crack more each minute, that is what she's done to me, you expect me to want to see her again, to forgive her, I gave everything to her and she threw it right back in my face" She approaches me, sitting on the bed, her eyes so full of sorrow, of pity, she's torn, I can see it on her face... "Oh don't look at me like that, you don't even fucking like me" I laugh, she laughs again, her eyes tearing up a little,

"I don't dislike you" She says, smiling, "We just get on each other's tits" Now we both laugh, "Doesn't mean I like seeing you like this, especially over my twat of a sister" I break down again, but this time Katie comforts me, "Look, I don't blame you, my sister is a total idiot, letting you go like that... I just hoped you could have sorted it out" She holds me a little tighter, "But I'm still here not disliking or liking you" She chuckles, "I'll tell her she's got no chance" I hold onto her tighter,

"Thanks"

"It's ok... you can use a friend... and I'm losing the term 'friend' loosely" She pulls away, I wipe my eyes,

"Thanks, Katie, really... I feel a little better... only a little though"

"It'll get easier... I guess I better go and help her pack"

"She really leaving" I ask as an afterthought as she is leaving, she leans back against the doorframe,

"Yeah" She says in all honesty, "She knows she's lost something great... and still seeing you around, having the same group of friends... well, it'll make it that much harder"

"Where is she going?"

"Stay with our aunt, up in Yorkshire"

"Wow" I say, shocked...

"Got anything you want me to tell her?"

"No"

"You sure... your last chance?"

"Silence is better than words sometimes"

"Ok... see you around Naomi" She smiles sadly at me, and I return it.

I know it's good that she's leaving... I won't have to see her anymore. It will help me get over her, but even after what she's done I still love her, and I'll miss her dreadfully.

After all, she wasn't just my girlfriend, she was also my best friend. I guess it never really does work... Falling for your best friend, it's never a happy ending.

Well, lesson learned.

*****************


	33. Sequel info

Just to let you all know... First chapter of the sequel is up now. It's called Disarray.

Just in case you hadn't seen it on the board already. R&R please!


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